Please help
 

I have been in a relationship with an addict for 4 years. I didn't know he was an addict when we got together.
There is so much to tell about the past 4 years, but fast forward to now...
he didn't come home from work on Monday night. He showed up at 3:30 a.m. (this morning) in a cab. He had been abducted by drug dealers on Monday night and held until this morning. The dealers have my car which has my address on the insurance papers. So they know where I live. They want money and have made threats if the police are involved. He has no money. I am in shock.

and you know he was abducted how? because HE said so?

i'm sorry to hear you are still playing this game...........this latest should not a be a surprise whatsoever.

Since Monday how many phone calls for cash did you receive from the drug dealers who abducted him?

Are you/we suppose to believe that these drug dealers held him for 3 days then put him in a cab which they had to pay for and sent him home to get money they already know he doesn’t have? Yeah – no!!

I call BS………………….report your car stolen and kick this person to the curb.

more likely, he owes the dealers money after his three day spinner, and he told them to hold the car til he gets the $$.

call the cops. this isn't like you see on the movies.

Agree.

Sad that you are still on this merry-go-round. Your quote is from January. He clearly has a history of taking your car. Step away from the entire mess and let the police deal with it. You deserve more, but you have to want that for yourself and your children.

...

I saw the comment about something being wrong with me and it is true. I don't want to feel this way and keep getting hurt by this man but I can't stop myself. I have taken many steps to get help and yet I still haven't broken free from him.

I am suffering deeply from my worsening illness...now needing surgery in June on my esophagus and having problems with my aorta from the the scleroderma. And I have constant stress and anxiety from this man.
All of this while working and taking care of my kids. It's a lot.

so what you WILLING to do?

i truly can't understand your attachment to this person - as he has repeatedly and consistently done the same thing over and over and over.....it's like you are truly living Groundhog's Week.

your children deserve better. it's sad that you can't put them or yourself first. you are making your own health worse as well as the financial security for them. yet you keep throwing it all away for a worthless lowlife who probably laughs with his buddies at what he can get away with and how often you'll take him back. you serve ONLY as a resource for him.

It is a lot. While you may not be able to control some things, this is one thing that only you can control. If he is making you suffer, break free.

I am sorry you saw that post, and I pray that poster does not see that as our way here. It was not in the spirit of what we do here at SR, which is to support and encourage. We believe in you that you can make these changes in your life, now you have to move forward and believe in yourself.

I am a single mom. I get how hard it is. However, I analyze the other things in my life and try to minimize anything I can to bring myself more peace. That includes keeping toxic people out of my life.

I am legally bound to my XAH b/c we share a minor child. Even then, I speak to him as little as possible, and do everything in my power to have less stress in your life. You need a plan of action, and to follow it!

Sending you a hug.

OT, your thread title is:
Please help
im reading a massive amount of insecurity and fear-possibly fear of being by yourself and that brings the feeling of insecurity. better to have this....ehem...man...in your life than be alone, which if you were to get rid of him and truly put in the footwork on you, you can become quite comfortable in your own skin by yourself( its quite an amazing feeling).
however, maybe its time to think about whats best for you and,just as important, your kids. their future is being shaped right now. they can be learning that this behavior is acceptable- both in that it is acceptable to not be accountable and responsible for their actions( like the addict) AND it is acceptable to allow the insane behavior of an addict in their lives.
and this crap sure as hell aint helpin your health. you deserve to have a happy,safe homelife.
the only thing i can think to say is get some courage and make that phone call to the police to start.

OT4, this was your post from December 2017 - it is eerily identical to your post today, including the title.
nothing has changed.
not.one.thing. .

what is your PAYOFF for staying in this horrible situation? you are "getting" something out of it.............

Please Help
I have been posting on Friends and Family of Alcoholics off and on for a long time now. I have since learned that my "fiancee" is also using drugs.

I am seeing a psychiatrist for meds for depression and have been seeing a therapist from the abused persons program for months.

I have to get ready to go to work now which is challenging because I am so upset and anxious. So, I am unable to tell my whole story now but you can find it by looking for my earlier posts under OT4Kids.

He has recently stolen almost all of my money as well as my second car. How do any of you who have been in a similar situation recover from this?

I will write more later when I can.

I hope you are all doing well and have been taking care of yourselves.

Thank you for being a life line for me.

This has been going on for quite some time, OT. We cannot help you if you aren't willing to help yourself. You have received some good feedback on your posts, but if you aren't willing to take the steps to make things better, nothing is going to change.

You deserve better than what you are living with and your kids certainly do. If you won't do what is necessary for yourself, at least please do it for your children.

I have taken many steps to get help and make things better, but still haven't been able to cut him out of my life.

That aside, he was meeting with the dealers at noon yesterday and there has been no word from him since. I am terrified.

OT, i would think that you could take a gazillion steps to get better but you and the safety of your children wont improve until you take the steps to get him out of your life.

its a great day to decide to start the process.
you and your children deserve it.
on the children- have you considered how this all is effecting them?

You are at a critical point, OT.

You can either accept that this man has nothing to offer you but more stress, pain, and worry, or you can continue to deny that reality, keep getting sicker, keep hurting and being terrified, keep making your own life worse by allowing him around.

In life, pain is inevitable. Suffering, however, is optional.

As to this current crisis, call the police.

It's pretty typical of a user to disappear off the map, especially after they meet up with a dealer to get their hookup. That is the reality.

So how much money did you end up giving him?

Wise posters say on these forums all the time. When the pain of staying becomes greater than the fear of changing is when we can finally change. Your fear of this change must be enormous. Maybe something you could reflect on and speak with your counselor about?

Sometimes I obsess over something illogical to distract me so I don't have to worry about something I'd rather not think about.

Do you choose to be with him so you don't have to think about yourself?

so - you have him MORE money and he disappeared and you're......surprised??? how is that even possible?