Do most heroin addicts relapse again and again?
 

Hi everyone. I posted on here a couple of years ago after splitting with my partner who had relapsed onto heroin after 10 years. Very recently, I've heard from him again saying he misses me, he's better and he wants us to give it another go. When I met him, he was very together with his life and he was also lovely with my children. I do miss him. But the last 6 months before I had to leave him were absolute hell for me and it was like there was a massive wall between me and him and there was just no way for me to reach him.

I did always feel that when he got clean again, he would miss me and get in contact with me again because we were very much in love before this happened. But everything I read about heroin addicts makes me think that maybe I'll be back at square one with him again some point in the future. One of my children in particular really misses him and often tells me she still loves him.

Would I be mad to give him another chance?

how long has he been clean?
does he have a regular job?
pay his own rent, bills?
have a working vehicle?
not have some legal crap hanging over his head?
have good relations with family and friends?

I am not sure how long he has been clean - I think it is about 6 months. He is living with his parents in Italy at the moment but shows signs of being able to pay his mobile phone bill at least. I agree with you that the main sign of being well is that the person can pay for things. He has a car in Italy but not in the UK. I am not sure how things are with his family and friends but he is going to his sister's wedding next month.

I haven't really seen him very much since we broke up but I guess I need to find the answers to these things.

Hi Tidy does it have to be the full moving in experience? Would it be possible for him to live nearby supporting himself and staying clean?

There's probably no rush and it would be sensible to stay cautious.

I can't answer that for you.

This is one of those times where you have to allow yourself to know what you know, and you have to follow your own moral compass. You joined us two years ago, so I'm guessing you've read of a lot of posts and have found similarities amongst them. Maybe the stories you've read are similar to your story. The question you have to answer is what you are going to do with the knowledge you've gained.

Believe it or not, that's a hard thing to do sometimes. Our hearts often get in the way of making decisions that are best for us. But if you're to be truly honest with yourself, you need to recognize that your margin for error is very, very small. If you're going to assume risk, then you have to know what the worst case scenario is if that decision doesn't work out.

Take care, and do what's best for you.

Dear Tidy,

I don't think that 6 months clean is nearly long enough either for you or for him.

As a general rule, rehabs will tell their clients not to get involved in a relationship for at least one year. The addict needs the time for themselves to work on their own problems - a relationship just complicates things.

My daughter (heroin) ignored this advice and was involved with a young fellow at about 6 months clean - he relapsed and she managed to walk away without any problems.

At roughly 14 months clean she became involved again with another fellow and by 20 months clean she relapsed along with him.

Take this for what it is worth, but I would be very cautious.

One day at a time,

Jim

Hey there

Some of us struggle to get clean and its heartwrenching for the addict and equally so for family

Myself relapsed after 7 years sober and god it's been a tough road back

The one year rule is a good one

I hope that the right answers come to you and that the person in question gets clean


May I put out there that it may be best to care primarily for you and children in the meantime???

Peace

Van

Yes. They relapse again and again.

I would not go near him w/out at least five years of clean time under his belt.

Just my .02

I'm sorry, I know it's hard

but shows signs of being able to pay his mobile phone bill at least.

i think i'd want to see a BIT more responsible adult behavior than that....especially with precious tender children involved.

One year rule is a good one, but even then, IMO-with heroin especially, one year is still risky. Hoping you find clarity with your question. Hugs.

yes, again and again and again. I wouldn't put myself in a relationship with a heroin addict ever again (6 years of being married to one did it for me). I want more from a man than him being able to pay for his own cell phone :) I am sorry, but i am just being honest here. I want more from life, period. Ask yourself what do you want from life and go from there.

Not only answers, you need to witness it and for a long time. 6 months clean for an addict isn't long at all.