Do most heroin addicts relapse again and again?

Old 05-15-2016, 05:29 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 17
Do most heroin addicts relapse again and again?

Hi everyone. I posted on here a couple of years ago after splitting with my partner who had relapsed onto heroin after 10 years. Very recently, I've heard from him again saying he misses me, he's better and he wants us to give it another go. When I met him, he was very together with his life and he was also lovely with my children. I do miss him. But the last 6 months before I had to leave him were absolute hell for me and it was like there was a massive wall between me and him and there was just no way for me to reach him.

I did always feel that when he got clean again, he would miss me and get in contact with me again because we were very much in love before this happened. But everything I read about heroin addicts makes me think that maybe I'll be back at square one with him again some point in the future. One of my children in particular really misses him and often tells me she still loves him.

Would I be mad to give him another chance?
TidyDancer is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:36 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
how long has he been clean?
does he have a regular job?
pay his own rent, bills?
have a working vehicle?
not have some legal crap hanging over his head?
have good relations with family and friends?
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:42 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 17
I am not sure how long he has been clean - I think it is about 6 months. He is living with his parents in Italy at the moment but shows signs of being able to pay his mobile phone bill at least. I agree with you that the main sign of being well is that the person can pay for things. He has a car in Italy but not in the UK. I am not sure how things are with his family and friends but he is going to his sister's wedding next month.

I haven't really seen him very much since we broke up but I guess I need to find the answers to these things.
TidyDancer is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 05:24 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Sober since 10th April 2012
 
FeelingGreat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Tidy does it have to be the full moving in experience? Would it be possible for him to live nearby supporting himself and staying clean?

There's probably no rush and it would be sensible to stay cautious.
FeelingGreat is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 06:05 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
zoso77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Would I be mad to give him another chance?
I can't answer that for you.

This is one of those times where you have to allow yourself to know what you know, and you have to follow your own moral compass. You joined us two years ago, so I'm guessing you've read of a lot of posts and have found similarities amongst them. Maybe the stories you've read are similar to your story. The question you have to answer is what you are going to do with the knowledge you've gained.

Believe it or not, that's a hard thing to do sometimes. Our hearts often get in the way of making decisions that are best for us. But if you're to be truly honest with yourself, you need to recognize that your margin for error is very, very small. If you're going to assume risk, then you have to know what the worst case scenario is if that decision doesn't work out.

Take care, and do what's best for you.
zoso77 is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 06:29 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Dear Tidy,

I don't think that 6 months clean is nearly long enough either for you or for him.

As a general rule, rehabs will tell their clients not to get involved in a relationship for at least one year. The addict needs the time for themselves to work on their own problems - a relationship just complicates things.

My daughter (heroin) ignored this advice and was involved with a young fellow at about 6 months clean - he relapsed and she managed to walk away without any problems.

At roughly 14 months clean she became involved again with another fellow and by 20 months clean she relapsed along with him.

Take this for what it is worth, but I would be very cautious.

One day at a time,

Jim
JimC60 is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 06:43 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
The Long and Winding Road....
 
Vandermast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
Hey there

Some of us struggle to get clean and its heartwrenching for the addict and equally so for family

Myself relapsed after 7 years sober and god it's been a tough road back

The one year rule is a good one

I hope that the right answers come to you and that the person in question gets clean


May I put out there that it may be best to care primarily for you and children in the meantime???

Peace

Van
Vandermast is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 06:52 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes. They relapse again and again.

I would not go near him w/out at least five years of clean time under his belt.

Just my .02

I'm sorry, I know it's hard
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 10:45 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
but shows signs of being able to pay his mobile phone bill at least.

i think i'd want to see a BIT more responsible adult behavior than that....especially with precious tender children involved.
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 11:03 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
One year rule is a good one, but even then, IMO-with heroin especially, one year is still risky. Hoping you find clarity with your question. Hugs.
hopepraylove is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 01:08 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
yes, again and again and again. I wouldn't put myself in a relationship with a heroin addict ever again (6 years of being married to one did it for me). I want more from a man than him being able to pay for his own cell phone I am sorry, but i am just being honest here. I want more from life, period. Ask yourself what do you want from life and go from there.
glitterdeva is offline  
Old 05-16-2016, 01:19 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
atalose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I haven't really seen him very much since we broke up but I guess I need to find the answers to these things.
Not only answers, you need to witness it and for a long time. 6 months clean for an addict isn't long at all.
atalose is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:28 AM.