finding love again
 

Hey SR

Do you ever have moments when you wonder if you will love someone again? Trust someome to really love you back and not get bored or walk away cause its too hard .... or quite frankly cause there's always gonna be something better... friends, parties, drugs, new people's to ****. Feels so crappy finding out the person you were talking about getting a house with and looking at wedding rings with was living a double life... and eventually I wasn't worth the hassle :(

Whenever I think these thoughts I tell myself I'm being silly but the reality is that they sneak up on me everyday.

Also feel like I'm just bound to pick all the wrong people. It's like I preselected for those who are incapable of love.

How do you deal with these negative thoughts and the overwhelming self doubt? Could really use some examples of those who finally let go and found healthy happy relationships. Tips would be wonderful!!

You aren't alone and maybe now would be a good time to figure out why you are attracted to those who have nothing to bring to the relationship.

This is a terrific old thread from the "Sticky" posts at the top of this forum...you have to look deep, first under Important Reading and then the last link there for "more"

If you can spot the red flags in a relationship, and learn to see them early before you are too involved, you may have a shot at avoiding the trap of always choosing the ones that let you down.

Read this, it may help.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ationship.html

sparrow15,

I'm divorced from an alcoholic for 7 years, separated 3 years prior. I've been "single" for almost 10 years. Try reading posts at baggagereclaim.com. The articles are amazing and deal with everything from breakups, to dating, to identifying red flags.

I've found that even now, my bent is to try too hard to fix and accept too much responsibility in relationships. Similar to trying to fix my ex-H alcoholism, my son's drug addiction, and my daughter's borderline personaliy.

Being alone is far better than being with someone for the sake of being with someone.

qwer

I've lived alone with my son for the last couple of years and never been happier :) I only learned a few years ago that it's not compulsory to be in a relationship, which is just as well because I'm not very good at it :) x

In my own experience, I believe I'm capable of love. But I'm not capable of the trust required to truly experience that kind of emotional intimacy.

To be honest, it doesn't bother me too much. I may be alone, but I'm certainly not lonely. I have a lot of good friends who mean a lot to me, and I nurture those friendships quite a bit.

Romantic relationships are a tremendous amount of work, and at this moment in my life, I don't have the bandwidth to even want to try to have one. I have independence, and I pretty much do what I want, when I want. To give that up is not something I'm interested in doing.

I am very comfortable being unattached. I don't need a romantic relationship in order to feel complete or whole.

please work on finding what brings you peace and allows you to feel what you want to. An addict depletes their bank and then begins to make withdrawals from everyone else. We became accustomed to giving them the 'help' that they needed. To be happy again, i discovered that it was okay to stop giving, that in fact, I 'must' stop or it would eventually kill me. Love will come along when you are ready but you may need time to heal and to rebuild who you are.

Being in a relationship with an addict consumes so much of our energy, we forget what else is out there. I recently had lunch with a high school friend and her husband. It was enlightening to see the dynamic of a healthy relationship. The two love and support each other. Although no relationship is perfect, I forgot what a healthy relationship looked like. I finally saw that the relationship I had with my XABF was the exact opposite of healthy. I know I deserve better and accepting less than I deserve is unacceptable.

Don't lose hope that you will find love. If that's truly what you want it is out there and you can find it, you just have to be open to deserving better.

I was in a relationship with a heroin addict for 8 months. I have not heard from him in a month. I have been in other upsetting relationships. Currently I am in a relationship with the most genuine man I have ever met. It was hard for me at first to let him in. But I did. And being in this relationship has only brought me joy. There are great people out there. And as long as you are happy with yourself u can be in a healthy relationship.

A good friend of mine was in a marriage for just over 20 years. she was unhappy and finally separated about 1 year ago. She spent years telling me that she was "not good at relationships" and that "she was not good at sex and didn't like it anyway". Four months ago she met a new man and is in the midst of that rosy glow that comes with a new relationship. She told me yesterday that it turns out she is good at relationships after all and that she has discovered that sex is amazing. :nanarock
Turns out that she just needed to be in a better space in her own head to let someone in.