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Originally Posted by KF85
(Post 4535504)
He sent me a text today. Said he had 10 dollars (all 1's) sitting at home by his keys. Now he only has 8. Did I take two dollars? I said "No I didn't, I saw you had money by your keys but I didn't touch it. Do you need some more money?" This pissed him off apparently. He said "Why would I need more money, did I say I need more money, why do you start a fight about everything, bla bla." See this erratic behavior is why I'm here and wondering. Stop offering and asking. Let him ask the questions. Let him ask for money. It will completely change the dynamics in your relationship and, for the better or worse, you'll see and experience it through a new and different filter. |
Chino that's good advice. What for the question. Before when he was actively using a lot I would offer things before he had to ask because it seemed to keep the peace even though I knew what he was doing and he knew I knew but wouldn't admit it. Now that things are gray, I'm still doing the same thing, and if he's not using, it looks like "accusations" again to him, so even more important to "wait for the question." |
yeah KF85 that was one hard thing for me to learn with AH too.. to not offer or give in. I used to feel literally sorry for him because he had spent all his money, until the day that i got so resentful that HE was spending, spending, spending and i had to go without food to feed the kids instead. That day, i stopped giving him... i just didnt offer any more. He too would ask me "did you take money" and it was oh so hard to just say "no i didn't" and leave it there. To not offer an alternative, to not offer replacement.. to just stop. Now, he will often ask me for money, but i dont give him any cash at all any more (actually that is a lie, i gave him £10 the other night to go and get something for dinner but i asked to see the receipt and his face was a picture when i had a perfectly good reason to ask for the change), if he says "can i have x for y" i say, ok, ill grab you some when i go out later, you can wait til then. It drives him nuts, but, he has a personal allowance, he doesnt contribute financially to the household (or in any other way).. so tough luck on him. My standard go to reply when he gets too pi$$y with me is "ask your mum". When he whines, i just try and ignore him. Of course, in my head, this all isnt as clear cut and simple as it sounds when i just typed all that out, i have a million different voices running through my head, joining in with his vitriol but as i said in my earlier post, today im not boarding the crazy train. |
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