How Do You Stay Positive In A Negative World?
 

Reading all the posts here, seeing the pain, hurt, heart break makes me realize I am not alone and that there are parents, spouses and loved ones facing much more dire issues than myself. I pray every morning, every night and sometimes during the day as well for all of us. I take walks and try to do things that will lift me up. Today I am finding this difficult. Last night my son told me he relapsed and took pills 4x (who knows what he really did-guess it doesn't matter at this point) and helped his drug dealer move bikes that unbeknownst to him were stolen and had the police bring him down to the station for questioning.
We are away looking into how my parents are doing. My mother has Alzheimer's. She has lost at least 25 lbs. She is diabetic and has not been checking her sugar. My father told us he was giving her her medications. He has not. When my sister suggested getting a pill box with the 7 days and my dad putting them in for her so if they were still in the day's box he would know she had not taken them he replied "whatever." He has no intention of giving her her meds. He does the bare minimum and feels that is good enough. He turned down suggestions for home health and Meals On Wheels. He says no to everything. He doesn't want his day being intruded upon. He likes that my Mom sleeps almost all day. I feel extremely overwhelmed and hate being here but do not want to go home either. I try to be positive and do things for myself but today, I feel like I got punched in the gut and cannot smile. I feel like I did before my son asked for help. How do you stay positive when you feel like things are crashing around you? Reading positive words is not doing it today. We go home tomorrow night. I dread it. Thanks for listening. I appreciate every single one of you.

Yeah, it undeniably gets really tough sometimes to keep a positive outlook.

I've come to look at things for myself like this. I can twist my brain like a dial, and what's in front is how I'm going to see things. By default, for reasons I don't know nor care anymore, my brain twists so that the negative is up front. In order for me to keep it in the positive I have to force feed it positive information. I completely get what you said in the end of your paragraph, that positive words aren't going to do it today... yet with me, those are the times I need to make an even more conscious effort. I think you know that intuitively also, or you wouldn't have even bothered posting this here.

On the tough days I may need to hear 50 positive things before 1 idea resonates. But getting back to my twistomatic brain, I really have to keep my brain filled with good stuff. Early on in my recovery I read Norman Vincent Peale's Positive thinking. While I didn't care much for the Jesus stuff, I just switched out Jesus with my own concept of a HP, and well... that book kicked me into a different mode. I started reading lots and lots of other similar material, and just did my best to push the darkness out by filling my brain with newer, better stuff.

As hard as it is to sometimes see, there is a positive side to every problem (or oppotunity) that arises. Trick for me is to have faith and belief that that's true :), and then to have my brain in the proper condition to allow it to be. The more good I'm feeding it, the easier that becomes.

Whatever we're currently going through will pass. The choice of how we view and deal with it is what's going to mold our future. That's what I believe anyhow.

Thanks Joe. Believe me when I say just knowing there is someone out there that cares enough to post back encouraging words has tears running down my cheeks. Our son just called and said the police are there again to bring him in to "tie up loose ends." We are all wondering what this means. I don't trust the police unfortunately. While my son should have known better, he is afraid of being charged for being naive and stupid. He has to pay the consequences whatever they may be but he is there and we are here and he has no idea if he needs a lawyer or not. Ultimately it is his problem yet here we are sick about it all. He has a clean record. Praying this does not change.

I cannot change people places or things they are in Gods hands. I can change me. I can try on a daily basis to make this world a little bit better and make me a little bit better. some days it's nothing more than a smile at a stranger.

when I put my life in Gods hands things became much easier. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Louie Schwartzberg: Nature. Beauty. Gratitude. | Video on TED.com

I hope this link works. How do I stay positive with all the negative around us? I work at it and boy.......does it take work. I am not naturally a positive person.....I'm a "the glass is half empty and I think it has a leak" kind of person. lol

When I feel down, I watch this TedTalks video. Louie Schwartzberg's video on gratitude reminds me that there is beauty all around us and many things to be grateful for. I need that reminder periodically and this video is my tool. I hope you find it useful.

gentle hugs
ke

I also find acknowledging gratitude reminds me there is still a lot of good in this world. I keep a gratitude journal and write 5 things per day that I am grateful for. They aren't all positive....sometimes I will acknowledge negative happenings as well. (for example: "I'm glad my passive aggressive co-worker reminded me today why I felt it so necessary to put boundaries in place with her"). I read somewhere that if we simply accept the feelings we are having, and sit with them for a moment, that our minds/bodies instinctively begin to release them within 10 minutes. Our minds know how to process and accept them, it also knows how to release them...IF WE ALLOW IT. It is when we swallow them, stuff them, deny them, ignore them, that they keep bubbling up and resurfacing. I think this is why we feel so much better after a good cry. Our body has been allowed a release. I don't know if this will help you but I've been practicing it for 206 days (to be exact!!) and I find it so much easier to focus on the positives now. The situation is what it is....if we had the remedy or the ability to change the outcome....none of us would need to be here. Its finding these little tools that work for each of us that gives us back a measure of sanity. Sending you strength today....

I wish I had some great words of wisdom. I pray alot. I post on here and read the posts of others. It helps tremendously.

I just want you to know you are not alone and that I send you huge hugs and prayers!

Keep posting...it does help!

Thank you so much for the uplifting words and suggestions. Thank you Kindeyes for the link. It was beautiful. I did laugh at your "glass half empty with a leak" reference. Liz I love the idea of a gratitude journal and will start doing this once I go home tomorrow. Hopeful, thanks for the hugs and prayers. They are very much appreciated! You have no idea how your words help. I feel in a fog today, like this just cannot be happening after everything we have already been through. But here we are. I just went for a walk with my husband and will go for a swim soon so I can at least get some good exercise. That should help move those endorphins hopefully! Unless you've gone through it, you cannot imagine what it is like having a child addicted to drugs. I pray for all of us and I believe that God hears our prayers and is here for us.

needingabreak
I have no doubt that you bringing this topic up helped someone else today who felt the same way you are feeling. That's just how it works.

gentle hugs
ke

you are not alone
 

I to have had a very challenging summer...Dad (76) fell and went into Rehab, Mom (81) had a stroke shortly after dads fall, my 21 year old Son relapsed, and I had a very emotionally traumatic break up from my ABF....All this and I still have to keep a 78% average in Nursing School!! Some days all I could do was crawl out of bed. God got me through and here I am still plugging away. I thank him everyday for strength and for you wonderful people here on SR. If it wasnt for all your words of comfort and wisdom, I would have been more of a train wreck! Stay strong, keep posting, keep reading and trust in your HP! :ring

Love it jacrazz. Your post emphasizes what hard issues some of us can face all at the same time. Your strength and perseverance are so inspiring. I give you many accolades for what you have gone through and yet still went to school. I took all of the nursing prerequisites and work in healthcare so I know what a hard feat that must have been for you. At least you can feel good about yourself having accomplished that. So how are your mom, dad and son doing????

I am an investor and I know that people hate losing money twice as much as they love making money. This keeps them frozen. Unless you take risk, there is no gain. This is reflected in the AA saying "nothing changes if nothing changes". Even if things are getting worse they are changing and one day we hit bottom and things start getting better.

The question is predicated on the presumption that it IS a negative world.

One of my mental tricks that has worked VERY well for me is to look at the
world in alternatives. Yes, changing a tire in the rain on the way to an important
appointment is a bitch.......but 70 years ago the Waffen-SS were coming to exterminate
my entire freezing, starving White Russian family, by name. THAT'S a problem.

Early in my professional life I was faced with a situation (with one other)
where our future was measured in only a few short minutes. It was a pretty done
deal----we had done all we could and now all there was to do was wait for it.

It was only a few minutes.....but they 'kinda dragged on (if you know what I mean).
My coworker (a close, dear friend) chose to fill this time with jokes.
Funny jokes, centered interestingly enough on falling, burning, and drowning......things
it did not take an excessive stretch of the imagination to us to envision. But goddamn it
----they were funny as hell and there is nothing quite like laughter to break tension.

But it wasn't our time that day(Or maybe God likes a good joke too).
My takeaway from it was we do not choose our fates. Sometimes they choose us.
What we DO HAVE,
and what NOONE can take from us .....is how we choose to BE.

We survived that day.We felt like the luckiest SOB's (we were). But 2 1/2 years
later fate came back for my buddy---this time successfully. This time we were not together.
But even so, I know how he went out ---and I'm sure the one who went with
him had a smile on his face,too.

And yes---these are just words. But from words come ideas--
ideas that can rock your world and change your reality.

You are somewhere between a tire change and the winter of '42.
Why does the damn glass have to be half empty or half full?------for God's sake they are BOTH 50%!
Sometimes the damn thing is 10% full. Sometimes you have to lick the sides to get
a single drop.

But it's NOT empty. If it was you couldn't post. At least that's what I heard
(the wifi /servers in the hereafter must SUCK!).
Here on SR, people spontaneously erupt out
of the ether who care & understand & wish you well.

In what way is THAT a negative world?

Thanks Pravchaw (as always) and Vale. Pravchaw, I pray he has hit his bottom. I cannot imagine getting mixed up even worse than he has now (although i know it is possible. Despite the fact that he did not know the bikes were stolen, he should not have been speaking to his dealer in the first place. When do they learn this only brings about problems??? He is almost 30, acts 16 and always says he doesn't know why he does these things. He had his therapy session this afternoon. Hopefully that helped. I am a bit angry today so keeping my distance.
Vale I laughed at the licking the glass analogy. Between the leaking half full and licking the glass, it helped make my day brighter. Yes laughter truly is the best medicine. Obviously my troubles do not even compare to those of one facing death, a horrible disease, etc. I am thankful for that. I wake up each morning (no matter what) and thank God for the many things He has given me and blessed me with (not material things, but grandchildren, a beautiful sunny day, etc). The people here are so caring and compassionate and I do not think you can find a more supportive group. In general, I tend to feel the world is going to hell in a hand basket. That does not mean there is still not a lot of good in the world. Turn on your TV and after 5 minutes you will be depressed hearing all the negativity (it is why I lessen my news watching at times). Today has just been one of those tough days for me..........and we all have them. I think accepting that it is and going with it helps bring you out of it eventually. This too shall pass. I realize I cannot control what my father or mother do nor my son and I cannot control the outcome of his very bad decision. The police said the "can" charge him with a felony for receiving stolen goods and are going to bring the actual thief in (if they can catch him) and see what he has to say. I am sure he will fess up the minute he sees them-NOT. I tend to be extremely wary of the police. Anyway, thank you all for making my day much brighter.

Yes, we DO all have those tough days.

Bad news makes bank----the 'warm happy puppy' network would
go broke in 1 day. TV is a business, and fear sells.

Bad news is like one of those prehistoric puny lizards who
has adapted to be able to display a HUGE 'umbrella' of skin
in order to APPEAR huge. If it DOESN'T utilize this trick to
appear huge....it ends up in a bigger lizard's belly. I've been
proximate to HUGE news stories......whilst simultaneously
watching the event on some "O.M.G." network.

(Yawn!)

If world can avoid a general thermonuclear exchange
(between belligerents who have more than just a few to
toss).....the 'world' is gonna be just fine.

You know what I am thankful for? People who can wake
up and be thankful for a beautiful sunny day.

@ Vale - thank you. A wonderful friend just gave me this really cool, funky, industrial type necklace with a hangtag that says "be" on it. I love it but was having a hard time thinking "be"??? what?? Your post helped me correlate it with just "be" whatever I choose. Be it happy, sad, hopeful, positive, negative...whatever. I get to choose and I get to "be" it. It's up to me. Thanks! :)

And I never watch the news. I don't watch much TV to be honest. If I do it's ancient history or something. Everything else just seems to bore me at the moment. The news makes me want to poke my eyeballs out. ;0

Vale - You reminded me of a blog post I wrote some time back based on somethng I had read. Great thread btw.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-algebra.html

....as far as your son goes, talk to a professional barrister first---
but intent is one hell of a hard thing to prove. It is MUCH, MUCH
easier to put pressure on your son to 'admit' to it. It is SO
effective that sometimes innocent people cop to it just to end
it.

One of these alternatives is very easy---the other is
excruciatingly difficult.

Pushed to that choice, which might you think people choose more?

Thanks for all the responses. All of them thought provoking. I like your blog pravchaw. Vale, my husband wrote the scenario out for our business lawyer to see what he advises. My son admitted transferring the bikes from the kid's house because he had no idea they were stolen. The police found parts of a bike or a bike itself already at this kid's house. They never asked to search anything at our home and my son showed then where they were transported to. These bikes are motorized and specially made by a man in town who has a shop. I know him but my son does not. Because this kid has worked on bikes before my son thought nothing of it. We think the police believe my son but because he moved the bikes they say they can charge him with a felony. They used my son to get as much as they could out of him of course so they can arrest the other guy. My son gave his statement and now we wait and see if they catch this guy and what he says. My son will have to pay whatever consequences come. We are praying this scares him enough to smarten up. Life. You never know what each day brings, but yeah, I love waking up to a beautiful sunny day. I am in Florida, in warm weather till tomorrow. I am thankful for this!

>>>>>>but yeah, I love waking up to a beautiful sunny day<<<<<<<<

See what I mean! Not only THAT, but you are about to break 100 posts!
No, you never know what life brings. Sometimes just a plate of sh**
sandwiches........"when life gives you lemons, just choose to make
lemonade?!?!........."

(screw that! A lemon is an effective projectile
----if your aim is good---bean your tormentors in the head---
you practiced with the half full/empty GLASS, didn't you?)

(there's no rule that says we have to take a bite out of the
aforementioned sandwich------SO THROW THAT TOO!!!!)

Few maintain a will to continue after being beaned with a
glass, a lemon, and a sh** sandwich.....

Well, the way I look at things these days, my worst day is still 100 dB better than any day with my AXGF.

Sometimes you just need a fixed, known point of reference to get you through the day.

ZoSo

Have a negative attitude is like having a flat tire. You won't get any where until, you change it.

Actually, right after I got sober I gave some thoughts to what needed improving in my life. First an foremost thought was my attitude. I got on line and started reading inspirational stories etc. The world is as good as you make it :)


Attitude
by Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

Vale, thanks for the laughs today. So much help! Captain I love Charles Swindoll. 100% truth to that. Our attitudes are our choice no question, but everyone has days they need to feel the pain, hurt or anger and with addiction those are real feelings that come up. I believe that they need to be accepted because if they aren't, how can you get past it? Like someone earlier in the thread mentioned (lizwig?), sometimes you need the good cry to let it all out so you can move on and be relieved of those feelings. Pushing them down or pretending they do not exist only prolongs the healing. I always feel better once I get the feelings out, if even to talk to someone. We all have good and bad days. It comes with the territory. Doesn't mean it has to own us or direct our lives but circumstances will affect us. Lots of really good answers and feedback! Funny, I was surprised no one said yoga or meditation!

I stay happy by doing the best I can and leaving the rest to God.

Faith that God can do what I cannot keeps me alive and inspired each day.

No matter how difficult the journey, no matter how hard my days become, I have learned that doing what I can and leaving the rest to God will keep me going in gratitude for another day well lived.

Hugs

Ann, I don't know what I would do without God in my life! I did not wake up to a bright sunny day but I am still thankful I was able to wake up and see!

Needingabreak - I hear you! And I think it's just fine to give ourself permission to say "This Sucks". Your elderly parents and their health issues, your son's relapse and now legal issues. That is a lot on a plate.

OK, you've now acknowledged it. What can you do about it? Because I think powerlessness and hopelessness are part of negative thinking.

Your parents. Find a case management agency, they are in FL right? Find an agency that will make well-being checks on them and report back to you. There may be some cost, I don't think insurance covers this yet. Sometimes, our family members will do something for someone else, when asked and encouraged, and not for their own family. IF dad refuses to help mom with meds and such, you may be on the edge of a cliff where he is not watching out for a frail/vulnerable elderly person, and that would involve protective services. But talk with a professional where they live to share your concerns. There - Added help and support for mom and dad with a professional's watchful eye.

IRT your son? I know (walking in your shoes) how distressing this is. His consequences will be what they are. And sometimes as a mom we have to just let that go or be dragged too. Another phrase I have heard Ann use is the difference between a good day and not good day is 24 hours.

Keep doing all you're doing for you, this is a tough time. Wishing you peace today.

Okokok, someone has to say it. How about yoga or meditation?

LOl thank you Eve. I am doing better this morning. My son has to suffer whatever consequences come his way. He made a bad decision even being around the guy so it is what it is. I hate the thought of him being arrested as he has kept a clean record but he did this and has to accept responsibility. I called my parents doctor and she is aware now of what is going on and will see both my parents on the 25th. They will both say she is taking her meds but hoping the doctor recommends a home health aide like we asked now that she is aware of what has been going on. If not, we'll have to see what we can do. It is very hard to watch your parents age and even worse when we see my dad being selfish. Having them live far away isn't helping things. Neither my sister nor I feel we get anywhere trying to talk to my dad. He just shuts us down and we do not want to create a hostile environment with them. They still tell us some things and do not want communication shut down. He is stubborn and feels he has everything under control (I think he truly believes this). I just want to have a drama free life! I may just take up yoga.

Thanks so much! I thought about taking the semester off and it was actually moms hospitalization and seeing the Nurses there taking such wonderful care of people that made me say "I need to get this done!" I'm maintaining a high average and I gather it's because it's the mental health/addiction subject content.:) Mom good, dad good, son good, exabf not so good.....just when i feel like putting on m cape and saving the day, I just stand back and get out of Gods way! He is in charge!

....yoga even has a position that accurately describes addiction:

(downward facing dog)