If children got taken away from their parents for eating crap food the majority of kids in America would be in foster care. I'd call her bluff and say "yes, let's call them together"...now if he hasn't been fed and was digging in dumpsters they might be a teensy bit interested. They are doing this because they see its hurting you. This is a reflection on them, not you. Stop engaging. Do something nice for yourself.

if you keep cleaning up and giving in, they will continue to run over you.

I do understand your upset, but at this point, you are playing right into their hands.
I can only tell you that I completely cut off my own daughter at age 25 and did not reconnect until she turned 31 with an improved attitude.

my final words to her then were "you're off my payroll"...this meant no contact, locks changed and not accepting her phone calls. she stood at the front door and screamed and pounded on the door called my phone repeatedly and stomped around. my response was that I would call the police.

let them biotch to Daddy for help. I would pack the 14 year old off too. what a little ungrateful shite.

Yep! Thanks for saying that. They are acting like brats! When I said one of them has to go live with dad, they both froze and said no way, I'm not going to live with dad. Ha! I'm calling their bluff, they can both go live there. Thanks for making/ no forcing me to smile, it feels good to smile. TF

I went on "mom strike" this spring. Nothing outrageous, I was just tired of picking up wet bathing suits and towels, and squash racquets and lacrosse sticks, 15 changes of clothing daily dropped on the floor...and I was tired of hearing myself nag.

I decided to hang with the offenders. I told them calmly on a Sunday night that I was done picking up stuff that they could help with and that I was tired of nagging. I left their soda cans etc in the family room at night, stepped over shoes in the back hall, and no longer spent 2 hours a day trying to find something that someone else had misplaced.

By the end of the week things started to improve drastically. Apparently I was not the only one who could take the garbage out or carry laundry down to the laundry room. And when things start to slack now I ease up a bit on overcompensating for everyone else and they seem to get it pretty quickly. :)

Thinking of you and hoping that things have improved in your house! :-)
-H4H

Sweetie I was thinking the same thing. I think you should start agreeing with them. Yes, lets call DFS together and tell them what you eat and see if they want to come over. Lets also tell them about the pot pipe in your room shall we? Better yet, maybe go live with daddy dearest and see if you do better there. Call their bluff on every single thing. It will wear them out. And stop obsessing about their life. They are old enough.

Last year my DD (13) refused to clean up her room. I went in and stripped down her room to her bed, a few clothes and some covers. She was livid. I explained her room is in MY HOUSE that I pay the mortgage on. I told her it is her space as long as she can appreciate it and take care of it. If she cannot it becomes mine and I am not willing to deal with taking care of anymore than what I had left in there. I left it that way for about a week. I did this calmly and without spite. After about a week she came to me and calmly asked for her stuff back, said she was sorry and we have not had problems w/it since.

Who pays the phone bill? I make it very clear to her that her phone is a priviledge that can easily be taken away just like that. I pay the bill so it belongs to ME. When she is grown enough to have her own phone on her own plan and PAY FOR IT, it will then belong to her.

My point here is that your kids obviously have no respect at all for all you do for them. You are going to have to teach them and sometimes that means taking some things away and giving yourself space away from them. It sounds like you know this already and have begun working on it...don't let them break you down. Be a strong momma...that is what they need.

Many Hugs!:ring

I don't know what to say. I'm so very sorry for you as your situation sounds truly unmanageable and deeply sad.

I send you a very large virtual hug and I pray that things calm down and everyone regains the path they seem to have started on. I really hope this is just a blip before a final settling down. xxx

Well she saw her therapist, was manipulating me and F bombing me all the way there. She had no idea that I had already called the therapist and filled her in on my concerns, mostly of her trying to get out of a car while it was still moving on the highway. My concerns were mostly for her safety and that I was not the best choice to be taking care of her. No crying, yelling or demanding on my part, definitely an adult conversation. Well, she gets in the car after the appt. and didn't say two words. Was nice when she got home, seems to have a change of heart. Maybe the therapist told her she would be homeless and addicted to drugs or worse if it wasn't for me and me taking care of her. So I'm not going to push it, that will be the only chance, the boundaries are set. I just wanted to FYI everyone to let you know I'm not gonna be pushed around by a few bratty kids! Thanks for putting up with my meltdown, maybe someone got something outta it? TF

TF, do you have a therapist for you? I just wonder if it might be better if there were some boundaries with therapy. I guess this strikes me as important because when I was about 19, my father wanted me to start seeing a therapist, but the therapist was also seeing my father and I didn't feel like I could talk to her openly because I would be worried that she would tell my father things. I'm actually surprised that your daughter's therapist is willing to talk to you, unless your daughter has given her permission? I think most therapists have strict confidentiality rules. Anyway, just a suggestion--it might be good for you to have a space all for yourself to discuss your own worries, and it might also be good for your daughter to have a therapist who she can talk to confidentially without wondering what the therapist is saying to her Mom.