Relapse
 

Well....it appears that my wobble a while back wasn't really a wobble.....it was actually gut feeling (funny how we don't need evidence because gut feelings are usually so right)........my dear son has relapsed. It's out in the open now. He met a girl in NA and they relapsed together. Gosh but that is so cliché in the world of addiction, isn't it? It came "out" because the robust 175 pound man that came out of the Salvation Army is now.....maybe 145-150 pounds. He blamed it on his work which is very physically demanding. But I finally just asked.....and he admitted it.

Now that it's all out in the open, there is a kind of sense of relief in a way for all of us and the next steps are up to them. It is so out of my control. And there's a part of me that simply doesn't care what they decide to do. That sounds so sad and calloused but.......

I'm just done.

If a diabetic refused to take their insulin, exercise, and eat right.......I would have to let it go. Let go or be dragged........let go and let God......let go......or lose myself.

letting go
ke

I am so sorry KE,
Gentle Hugs to you http://cdn.mdjunction.com/components...c58b6faff1.jpg

Oh, kindeyes, so sad
prayers and hugs to you
b.

I'm sorry KE. I trust my gut as well...and my eyes and the wieghtloss is a strong indicator. My son's "frequent relapses" are much more in the open now also. I think in part due to the obvious signs and part due to what seems to be his reluctancy to hide it. I don't like the last part because it gives the appearance that all is well, when it is not well at all.

I have heard work as the excuse for weight loss many times...when we know, we know. At least the wondering is over. Sending hugs your way!

Can he return to the Salvation army? My son was always running into the wrong types of girls that contributed to his drug addiction. It seems like this girl probably was new to recovery and dragged your son down with her.

I think it was this train of thought that ultimately helped me to let go with my daughter. My dad was type 2 and he refused to own his disease. He did the least amount to get by and that was that. I think I scolded/lectured him once, but gave up when I saw it did no good. Instead I chose to simply love him and make sure I didn't enable him.

Still, it always hurt.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and especially your son.

I'm sorry:(

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Oh Kindeyes, I'm so sorry. Knowing the truth is out doesn't lessen the pain any. Please know that you, and your son, are in my prayers. I'll say a prayer for this girl as well. I can't imagine the self-defeat they must feel once they've faltered. My prayer will be that this is used as a learning experience, and that it reaffirms his recovery MUST come before anything else. Truth be told, you were in my prayers last night. I hadn't seen your footprint here and actually wondered if you were away, or possibly dealing with something bigger. I'm glad to see you back...I wish I could take you to coffee and give you a huge, heartfelt hug.

I simply can't think that way....as much as it might give me a sense of "relief" to blame her......ultimately each person is responsible for their own recovery. He could have reinforced HER recovery by deciding he didn't want to date her if she was heading back into active addiction. He had a choice to protect his own recovery.....but he didn't. All three of us talked about it from that perspective......there is no blame.....just personal accountability.

THIS is why they don't recommend getting into relationships in the first year or two (for those who think that suggestion is hogwash). This scenario happens so frequently that it's......yawn.....boring.

Boy.....I do sound calloused. I guess that what happens when you've been watching the active addiction/relapse cycle for this many years.

Yes.....if he chooses to, he could return to the Sally. But that decision is his...not mine. I can only love......and pray.

gentle hugs
ke

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts and words......they are very much appreciated.

lizwig......one of these days I'll take you up on that.>wink<

gentle hugs
ke

Glad he felt he could at least answer you honestly. He knows the way back to recovery so it is up to him. ((KE))

Kindeyes ... you could never sound calloused because you aren't. You are a mom who loves her son deeply and no amount of ESH will ever completely lessen the pain of seeing our precious children suffer. It will however; help us as we walk our own journey or perhaps stand at the hole ready to offer the rope. (I love that word picture by the way, so succinct and empowering!)

Over the months I've been coming here I've seen such love, wisdom and compassion in your posts. You have brought strength to so many of us and I'm sure many more who read but don't post. I pray that knowing how God has brought good out of the pain that addiction has wrought in your life can be of some comfort to you. I also pray that this relapse will be short in duration ...

my son relapsed earlier this year but got back on track ... I suspect he may have been heading for another relapse but committed a technical violation of his probation and has been in jail since the end of Sept. (long story not sure what I really believe sigh). He will most likely not get much time once he goes to court since he has no charges other than the tech violation. He continues to speak about continuing his recovery and has told me that he has had opportunities in jail to speak to other addicts about the 12 steps. Funny thing is that last summer he was in full blown addiction and should have been arrested multiple times but wasn't. I told him he should think long and hard as to why God has allowed this in his life now.

I am committed to my recovery as well.... so I pray, live one day at a time and offer encouragement to those God brings along my path as I know you will do as well. Big hugs to you today

Tinks......that was just about the kindest post I have ever seen....thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Standing at the top of the hole with the rope in hand......and remembering that climbing down in that hole to carry him out simply isn't possible or practical.

I'm sorry that your son was incarcerated for the technical violation but it is sooo good to hear that he is speaking to others. It strengthens his own resolve. You and your dear son will be in my prayers.

And thanks for the hug.......I need those today.

gentle hugs
ke

hugs KE, and prayers for you and your family.

D

Sad news, sorry to hear this

KE- sending a prayer up for you and your son that both of you find strength. I too, am so sorry to hear this news about your son. I am sure the last few weeks have not been easy on you wondering what the truth was. Hope you feel the love and hugs coming from everyone here on SR.

I don't think we get calloused Kindeyes, it's just that the story gets old. And that's not all a bad thing for us, although it is for our sons.

Once the story gets old for us, we let out a deep sigh and throw cold water on our faces and once again we just let go. We no longer race to save them, because they are not ours to save. We no longer scramble to find the answers for them, or cry ourselves to sleep, or rip our hair out trying to figure out what WE did wrong...we just brush ourselves off and say a prayer for them.

We have learned the lessons, we are stronger now than we were in the beginning, we are wiser too. We have courage enough to let them find their own way, in their own time. And we know we can trust our instincts rather than feel guilty for feeling that way.

You will be okay. So will I. Our boys are in God's care and He can do for them what we cannot.

So let's go watch the sunset and sit and watch the stars come out later...and know that all is well in the universe. I'll bring the cheesecake.

Hugs from one mama's heart to another's. :hug:

I'm sorry for all that you're going through KE. Prayers going up for you to be comforted. Much love from me to you. :hug:

I'm so sorry Kindeyes.

I pray that the way he felt clean and in recovery will draw him back very soon.
Take care of yourself dear lady.
:Hug:
chicory