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Dear Kindeyes, When I heard the news of your son, I felt the need to offer support. (not obligation, but a sincere desire.) You see, when I first joined SR....I was so lost, ignorant and angry. While others thankfully jolted me out of denial, you were the one who was always there to offer me a hand, a hug and to hold a light to help me see there was another way through this journey. Through your examples, I KNEW I WANTED what you had/have. Although, addiction destroys so many lives, THERE are some who have made the choice to find the blessings. I am forever thankful that I have had the opportunity to encounter people like (((YOU))).......who have taken the time to show me through your experience, strength, and hope......that serenity and joy - are mine to choose. Thank you for always sharing and teaching me as you walk your journey. You, your son and all those affected by addiction are always in my prayers. |
It's a shame, Didn't I read something about you speaking at his Salvation Army and him getting an award or something there? Addiction is a life long battle and I don't think anyone ever really graduates in sobriety. Hopefully, he will learn to avoid the women who bring trouble in sobriety. |
I hear your detachment but it's a healthy thing..... You can still love someone and detach. But....you already know that! |
Oh, my dear KE...I am so sorry. I have this feeling about my girl right now but I am not anywhere near her, nor will I ask. I feel you pain and exhaustion (what you called callousness) like it is my own best friend lately... Big hugs and prayers and love your way. |
Kindeyes, you're so much further in your recovery than I am, so I have nothing special to share to help you in this situation. I think the fact that you and your son could sit down and talk about this is the clearest indication of how far along you are. I'm saddened by your news, but I am inspired by your strength. |
((((hugs)))) Sorry to hear he is traveling down that path again. Your strength and courage and grace in handing this is a true testament that you have worked hard at your own recovery and have been an amazing example, thank you! Prayers to you and your family. |
KE, I am sorry to hear this, but I know that YOU are okay. I also fear that relapse and it is just as hard when our kids are choosing recovery as it is when they are active in addiction. It sounds like a positive step that he isn't denying the usage. He will get sick and tired of being sick and tired soon enough. They can only run the gauntlet so long. Sending hugs, prayers and love to you and Mr. KE and your dear son. Hugs, TT |
I am so, so sorry. Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your son. |
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
(Post 4264965)
I simply can't think that way....as much as it might give me a sense of "relief" to blame her......ultimately each person is responsible for their own recovery. He could have reinforced HER recovery by deciding he didn't want to date her if she was heading back into active addiction. He had a choice to protect his own recovery.....but he didn't. All three of us talked about it from that perspective......there is no blame.....just personal accountability. THIS is why they don't recommend getting into relationships in the first year or two (for those who think that suggestion is hogwash). This scenario happens so frequently that it's......yawn.....boring. Boy.....I do sound calloused. I guess that what happens when you've been watching the active addiction/relapse cycle for this many years. Yes.....if he chooses to, he could return to the Sally. But that decision is his...not mine. I can only love......and pray. gentle hugs ke KE, you have reminded me of the 3 C's and I cannot thank you enough I don't know what it is like to have an addicted child, but my son is autistic and he has behaviors that are self destructive like banging his head on the wall and injuring himself in various ways just for the "rush" it gives him. The Psychiatrist is so lost for what to do except to ignore the bad behavior and detach from it. It is so hard to watch my son be destructive and hurt himself. your family will be in my prayers. hugs, lily |
From one mama's heart to another, wishing you and your family peace |
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
(Post 4265433)
Dear Kindeyes, When I heard the news of your son, I felt the need to offer support. (not obligation, but a sincere desire.) You see, when I first joined SR....I was so lost, ignorant and angry. While others thankfully jolted me out of denial, you were the one who was always there to offer me a hand, a hug and to hold a light to help me see there was another way through this journey. Through your examples, I KNEW I WANTED what you had/have. Although, addiction destroys so many lives, THERE are some who have made the choice to find the blessings. I am forever thankful that I have had the opportunity to encounter people like (((YOU))).......who have taken the time to show me through your experience, strength, and hope......that serenity and joy - are mine to choose. Thank you for always sharing and teaching me as you walk your journey. You, your son and all those affected by addiction are always in my prayers. Thank you.....your words really touched my heart. This is a really tough path to walk. I believe it is a way to learn for those of us who are particularly stubborn....like me. God knows I'm a slow learner......I think that's genetic too. Lol..... The growth of you and others inspires me. I have such a long way to go but I do believe that I've made some progress. I'm thankful that I have a really special person in my life to guide me through this......my sponsor.......and all of the folks here on SR. In the big scheme of things I am truly blessed. Thanks LMN......I hope you know how much I appreciate your kind words (and everyone's). gentle hugs ke |
Kindeyes: A big bear hug from me to you. Ann is right. We do not get calloused - the story just gets old along with our hard-won knowledge in that Serenity Prayer. I like to observe those in AA around a newcomer - they are amazingly, wisely detached especially as they watch the newcomer hesitate. Your son was honest. That is a blessing. Sojourner |
Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp
(Post 4265464)
It's a shame, Didn't I read something about you speaking at his Salvation Army and him getting an award or something there? Addiction is a life long battle and I don't think anyone ever really graduates in sobriety. Hopefully, he will learn to avoid the women who bring trouble in sobriety. And no.....it's really not a shame. There is far too much shame involved with addiction......but it is sad. You're right.....no one graduates in sobriety......he didn't graduate addiction.....he graduated from a truly amazing and wonderful program and I am very grateful. It's evident that he still has more to learn about himself, life, addiction and recovery. gentle hugs ke |
I was truly amazed by the kind words I woke up to this morning. I went to bed as soon as I got home from work......I was simply exhausted. The kind words of support have propped me up to face another day. For that I thank each and every one of you. gentle hugs ke |
Just checking in ...... to see how YOU are doing today. You are in my thoughts and prayers! |
I'm so so sorry kindeyes As they say life goes on and so we go on with it carrying our pain and somewhere in there there are memories of happiness , I like to cherish those memories of my AS , when he was a baby ,his toddler years , the crazy school years and even the times in between relapses when he is not using , for today our addicts are alive and so there is still hope , sending hugs your way |
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