Since studying in alanon, it is my understanding almost all these things you mentioned are characteristics of codependents, as well as addicts. Leaving the addict wont automatically fix you. Codependents can become sicker than the addicts themselves. We have to own what is ours in the failure of a relationship also. It is healthy to let go when the bad outweighs the good in a marriage. For recognizing this in your own life, and then taking action towards a better future for yourself, I do think you should be applauded.

I would never say you wont use the prenup, I dont know if you have kids but you have to look out for your future. Make plans now, be prepared for the worst, and that doesnt mean you have to expect the worst to happen.

Relapse happens with addiction, it is a disease. It sounds like your husband is getting good care, I think his doctors are telling you the facts and are correct personally. Its clear you love him, and I hope things work out.

I didn't think you "took" to alanon meetings and stopped going. I am not sure I have ever heard anyone talk about codependency in meetings but I am certainly glad to see you understand our disease. For that, I will applaud you too :)

Went for a while to see if it could be useful resource for me, wanted to learn what it was about and all that, but as of right now I dont feel it works for me. I'm sticking with with the addiction specialist, started with him at around the same time, and he works with family not just addicts, no complaints on him.

Well, I am glad you can understand that Codie's can become as sick as the addict if they don't work on themselves. Perhaps your addiction specialist can help you on your own path to a new, healthier and saner life. Best of luck!

My home group was CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) and we talked about codependency a lot. So did a lot of NA and AA meetings my son invited me to attend. Strange as it may seem, many addicted people are also codependent, that's why we have so many "double winners" on this site.

The thing is, no matter what side of the street we are on, no matter what our program or method of recovery...if we don't take care of ourselves first and foremost then we are spinning our wheels because "we" are the only people we can change...and we do change with help and time working with us.

We each find our own path, we each face the same purpose...to get healthy and make better choices...and we do it together here, walking side by side, embracing our diversity rather than challenging our differences.

Good luck and God Bless to every person here trying to make a better life for themselves.

Hugs

This is surprising to me because I found alanon to be mostly about codependency, wondering what was the focus of the meetings you attended?