SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

- Friends and Family of Substance Abusers (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/)

- - Your Partners Feelings and Emotions (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/306320-your-partners-feelings-emotions.html)

As long as he continues to use, please don't count on him for anything. He may promise and his intentions may be sincere, but when they are active in their addiction, you just cannot count on anything they say.

I wish things were better for you. Please take very good care of yourself and your baby.

Hugs

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoveMeNow (Post 4160256)

This is a time, a gift, to learn all about your pregnancy and all the needs of a newborn baby. Sadly, it seems your husbands problem has become the main focus- which is not uncommon.

What would this time be like if he wasn't addicted? Where would you put your energies? Make your boundaries and go from there. Being so enmeshed in his problem will only make you sick and won't help him in the least. What are your boundaries and what are your core values in a relationship. If he is not meeting those, it's time to find out why you are accepting it.

I think the more I tried to "help" the better my husband learn to lie, sneak and protect his addiction.

I feel like I have shifted the main focus back to me, and everything seems to be thoughts about the baby more than anything else. My classes for school just started up, Im working, I am taking yoga classes, I have a whole list of classes I want to take suggested through my doctors office. I have been trying to focus on eating better, and changing some of my habits (which maybe I will post about later). Seeing the addiction doctor has helped me understand and cope, put things into perspective, I tried alanon in good faith because I thought it might help too. I only have here, the doctor, and my one friend that I talk to about my husband drug use or my feelings. Oh and Im also hormonal ! not sure how that fits in but I can tell it makes me emotional sometimes.

The one thing that you mentioned I do feel uncomfortable about is here I am planning for the baby, deisgning the babys room, and I dont know if it can be our home with my husband. In some ways I feel like Im building on sand and not a solid foundation, and its because of his stability not mine. Im trying to keep in my head, I have to build so I can take care of it all on my own if I need to. If he has to leave, then I can pay the bills - my reason for going back to work full time, I can provide insurance - in case he gets fired and loses his. Im trying to stay ahead, and keep focus on me, and what I can do for the baby.

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneNightAWeek (Post 4160097)

And then he says something like and when he stops using, he will be able to put more in it. Like its no big deal and its a done deal, but yet he hasnt done it. .

What is he waiting for?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sara21 (Post 4161250)

What is he waiting for?

I wish I knew.

Update: He was all talky last night about his appointment today. Said the doctor told him that he would like to do a type of evaluation on his drug use, and that will help them make a plan. He said he is feeling insecure about confiding in the doctor. He called me a little while ago from work, and he sounds like he is fighting back a really anxious bad mood. He said he was trying not to think about it and he would get there and go in basically and take it from there. I have work I have to do for my class tonight, so Im going to use the same approach and try to tackle one moment at a time, try not to worry or project what might happen. Thank you all for listening to me ramble on.

You asked if you should leave him until he takes action. Yes. It will get worse.