Lily
Excellent.......so now we might have some insight on why an addict stays with a codependent.

What's the payoff for the codependent? What do I get out of it?

1. I feel NEEDED
2. I feel powerful
3. I feel like I'm the only person who can help them
4. I feel like I'm the only person who loves them "enough"
5. Surely they love me enough so they'll stop for me--they don't love anyone else as much.
6. If I don't do xyz.....they'll die.
7. If I do xyz....they'll live.
8. If I do xyz.....they won't get in trouble.
9. If I don't do xyz......they'll end up in jail.
10. If I do xyz.....they'll appreciate me.
11. If I do xyz.....they'll love me more.

I could go on for a while with that list. Dang.....if all that stuff isn't made up of a huge EGO......what is? (Note: It benefits the addict to feed that ego to keep us doing what we do. Quite the circle game, isn't it?)

I apologize to the OP if I have taken this thread OT......a little bit. I tend to want to focus on me and what my own motivations are rather than on the motivations of others. I only control and/or change my own actions, thoughts, behaviors, and.....motivations. And boy......that's hard work.

gentle hugs
ke