Rather dumbfounded on how to answer the charges of bragging' when I'm here posting about how my son is abusing cocaine and alcohol, and generally screwing up his life.

The things I've shared about my son; vacation, various women, tracking his cars arrival; the purpose was to show how superficial his life is at the moment. Nothing means anything to him right now; not people, places, things. It is not the way my husband and I raised him, and its actually quite sad. I think leading a fulfilling life has much less to do with your material possessions than it does your inward sense of peace, and your ability to have deep and caring relationships.

This thread was not about my son. I mistakenly replied to a question about him because I thought it was asked out of genuine interest and concern. MY MISTAKE. It seems it was really just to lay a foundation for taking cheap shots, because some of you think it is amusing; because you sense some sort of difference and feel the need to attack it.

For the record, before another presumption is made; my son is not living off of a trust fund.

Lara, yes there definitely does seem to be some bias on this thread. But those issues lie with the people making snarky comments.

Out of good taste; that is all I will comment to on this issue.

The way I wrote my post I guess is confusing.

The man that I am posting about here had separate issues at work than my son. This man had made clear-cut black/white “work related mistakes” that would have been sufficient cause for termination without the admittance of the drug use. My husband knew this man so well, that he took the time to talk with him in depth to find out why he did these things. The man broke down and that is when the part about the drug use came out, and he agreed to take a drug test where the positive results ended up in his personnel file.

Since everyone seems to pick at the details; once my husband got a glimpse of the “mistakes” this man was making, I think he turned it over to someone else to follow through. He also did not ask the man to take the drug test, I think that was the personnel office. I really don’t know all the details of how it happened, but I know there was a process, and other people involved. So there are no worries about a lawsuit, and no connection to our son in any way.

In fact this man is about 25 years older than our son, and they didn’t have any personal relationship.

Fandy & Hello Kitty, Regarding my son: I have no reason to believe he is dealing drugs. I never even suggested that he was; all I said was my husband found a stash at his home, and was told it was a lot. Other people here made comments that he was probably dealing, and from that it seems to have stuck in people’s minds, but that would just be a guess on their part. I did mention two guns in the past; the first was one my husband found in my sons car. He had a permit for it, so it was legal. The other was a toy water pistol.

I also never said there were drugs or guns found in the workplace by anyone. There was no evidence he was dealing drugs at work or anything like that. He just made “work related mistakes” and my husband felt it was because of drug use, and set out to prove it for himself & attempt t coax our son into treatment.
By “mistakes”, “work related mistakes” Im being vague I know, but the details here are irrelevant.

Crazybaby – thank you for the question. I believe that if my son had agreed to treatment, and wanted to come back to work at this point; my husband would have told him the exact same thing as he did the other man. Keep working on your personal life, and we will talk later about work. However in the case of our son, we would no doubt talk to him about many other things in the meantime, and we would have a much better idea of how he was doing physically and emotionally. How this would play into a decision my husband would make regarding work I cant say.

The original question in this post was asking if an employer should use the standard “recovering addicts need a year to be able to recover from brain damage, have a relationship, parent children”.

A question that few have chosen to answer in its entirety, but that is ok; I think I have formed an opinion now, so we can end discussion.

Mrs Dragon i do love your very clear boundaries you set with everyone on here, which i no doubt you also have in your personal and professional life.

i hope you get the answers you want and that your son eventually gets the help he needs to help deal with the emotional scares of losing a child (i know you will set me straight if i have made the wrong assumption here). i dont even want to know the emotional turmoil my life would take on or what i would do to take away this pain, but it seems you are doing what is right for you and taking no bs from anyone (including your son or employees) but doing it with compassion and grace. i hope it all sorts itself out soon for your family.

Thank you Jody. I think that was the nicest comment I’ve ever got, and I appreciate it.

You do have it right; thank you for even remembering; yes, my son started drinking/drugging after his little boy died. A few months after that is when he got so sick, almost committed suicide, and we finally got him into treatment. Emotionally he has shut down since then; maybe it is hard for some people to understand if they haven’t lost a child; especially one so little. He had just mastered walking..... such sweet memories.

Jody,
I loved what you said about needing to set boundaries with people here on SR. That is so true, and I never thought about it like that.

Mrs Dragon,
Im really sorry to hear that your son lost a child; I don’t think I heard that before. I cannot imagine what would happen to me if I lost my son. I would fall apart there is just no doubt about it. I really don’t even know how I would find the will to live, if I lost him while he was still just a baby. I know that is bad to say, but I just cannot imagine being separated from him. And you also lost your grandchild. I wish there was something I could say to give comfort. I pray that you are able to get your son back, and that he will be able to find peace and healing.

I have never found a need to set boundaries on SR. But I do know how to take what I need and leave the rest. I don't find the need to disagree with every post, always be right or bash a site that I come to almost every night.

mrs dragon...i admire you and your husband. you are both doing everything you can for your son....and reaching out to get support about your husband's employee is also very admirable.

hang in there. i am on your team. keep your head up, and please do not get discouraged.

Mrs Dragon - God bless you. Your pain is unbelievable. Yet you still respond with such dignity and grace. Please continue to post and ignore some of the rude comments made here. We are all in pain, regardless of the circumstances, and you should feel free to post your thoughts here, too. I am embarrassed at some of the responses to you. Know that I support you and do not judge.

Donna.

Dear MrsDragon... you and I have shared quite a bit with my posts on H and the loss of my brother and grief and all these things that do make every addict's story different. But it seems at the end of the day - the outcome is always the same.
Mrs Dragon, I do believe you are doing the best you can. You love your son - and I pray he seeks recovery. But NO-ONE can understand the horror of losing a child. I know the unbearable pain of losing my brother - but I can't imagine how my mum copes. I look at my little Liam (aged 4) every day and thank God for him - and can't imagine ever losing him. Your beloved son is not ready yet to give up the drugs. They make him feel better. It's the quickest way to hide the pain... though as we know, it's only a temporary relief. I know the same is with H... he tries to hide the pain - over and over again. Until H realises there is somebody greater than him who loves him and will carry his pain - then H will never seek recovery. It seems your son is still in such a dark place of grief... I sometimes feel too much of the focus is on the 'drugs' - where perhaps the focus should be on seeking professional grief counselling.... I truly believe in some cases (like your son) - that the drugs will stop if the right counselling is found.... My love and prayers with you...

And how tragic for you too - as you have lost your grandson... Godbless your family... I know this doesn't help ease the pain - but I truly know your grandson is safe... and one day we all meet again....

Mrs. Dragon: I had read in an earlier post of yours about the loss of your dear little grandchild. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband, and son. I can't imagine. Wishing you continued strength.

The worst thing about threads like this, is that it gives everyone the opportunity to throw a projectile of their own out while losing sight of the fact that we are all on here trying to find our own peace and serenity. End of.

Bravo mrs. Dragon as usual for being bold and brave about talking about life, raising questions and seeking answers. I really enjoy reading your posts on your healing journey. It's far from perfect but that's the true beauty of learning and growing :)

Yes- take the wisdom from here and leave the rest of the white noise at the door. I'm still learning this after 2 years on this forum...

Big hugs to you!

I think this thread has answered the original question and is now heading off course.

I thank all those who offered support and answered the questions asked. I am sorry some of the posts here were not reported, because they would have been removed for being disrespectful to the member. We don't have to agree with the methods of any member, we don't even have to like them, but we DO have to be respectful here or pay the consequences as stated in the rules that each one of you agreed to upon joining.

This thread is now closed as it would serve no further purpose to keep it open.

Please, everyone, be supportive and go welcome the next newcomer who walks in the door.

Thank you all for understanding.

Ann
SR Moderator