Leasing a Sober Companion ?
 

Pulling this quote from an earlier thread I posted…….

It is so ironic that you mentioned this show ‘Elementary’. I watched it recently, and until then I had never heard of a “sober companion”. The show was not bad actually, and is sort of like the Mentalist, but I guess with a twist.

But anyway, my husband did not watch the show; and out of the blue that night I said to him that if our son cleaned up maybe we should buy him a sober companion. He said ‘you want to buy him a woman’, and I said no, and then he said sort of shocked ‘ you want to buy him a man?’ And I started laughing and had to explain the whole thing to him.

Husband wasn’t too sold on the idea; he didnt think our son would tolerate being babysat by a male sober companion as that would be too weird, and decided unless she was quite homely, he would view a female sober companion as a conquest. We ended up having a pretty good time discussing the concept.

So was wondering if others were aware this service does actually exist. I looked it up and sure enough it is available through lots of places. Has anyone ever tried it? Thoughts about it being helpful ?

:herewego

I have heard that Robert Downey Jr and other celebrities hire sober coaches or sober companions. I read Charlie Sheen's ex wife (forget her name) had one too, but it was not successful. The addict still has to want it and do the work.

My husband was having a friend from NA with over 20 yrs recovery here a lot. He basically can work anywhere as long as he has Internet and a phone so he was working in my husband's home office - to offer support. Unfortunately, he has been out of town the last few days. I, too, really like him. He offers a lot of comic relief for me. When my husband was complaining about not sleeping, etc., he just looked at him and said "You'll live!!" Short, simple and direct - and it shut my husband right up!

There a lot of good people (many professionals) that attend NA that are willing to go out of there way to help out another addict who is struggling. The fellowship is amazing.

This is a bit off-subject but reading this thread reminded me of it. I remember watching House with my AH during the early months of our marriage. We loved that show! He was an addict at the time; of course I had no idea!

I remember saying, "Why does it matter if (Dr.) House wants to be an addict? He's functioning and doing his job. Why does everyone care so much if he wants to pop pills all day? It's his life."

WOW! I actually said that to my AH! How innocent (stupid) I was then!

A Sober Companion........It seems like another way for the addict to drain $$$ from enablers. I'd be highly insulted if I, as an adult, had to have a nanny follow me around everywhere. Also, I'm not entirely sure about the job description of a Sober Companion, but how exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!! And what if the SC's charge relapses or "just slips up?"

The sobriety business is BIG Business.

If someone hires a sober companion for themselves, that's their business.

As far as the addiction TV shows go, I prefer "Addicted" on the Discovery Channel.

Thanks for sharing this, it sounds like your husband has met some very good people who have gone to great lengths to support him & offer encouragement.

In that regard, if you look at a sober companion in the same way as the friend who just hung out with your husband, I can see where it could be helpful. Im not sure our son would ever do it; but since he isnt ready to stop; guess I dont have to give it too much thought right now. But its a new concept for me & husband for sure.

MrsDragon, when (and sadly, if) your son is ready stop, he will find a lot of support within NA or AA. Like anywhere, there are good people there and there are bad. My husband was warned right away by his sponsor not to trust everyone just because they claim to be clean and working the program. Fortunately for him, a new meeting opened in our town which was mostly professional men with some long clean time. He has surrounded himself with many good people who truly care. He has people he can call 24/7. But ultimately, it's all up to him to reach out for help.

Honestly after growing up with an addict, you couldn't pay me enough to be a companion to one...

Sober companion... I thought that is what I was for the past 5 years. Or as AH liked to call me... Nag. LOL!

A paid codependent. Theres a thought. I should start a business. "Rent a Codie". I swear i learn something new everyday.

As for addiction shows, i dont watch them because i dont care. Nothing is less interesting to me then watching addicts and their process of recovery. Snooze fest.

"You mean I could have been getting PAID for this??!!" :) :) :)

After reading this thread over again and doing a google search, a sober companion is really someone paid to be a babysitting sponsor & some don't even believe in the 12 step program. They generally charge between $750 and $1000 a day for their services. Really? People waste their money on this?

If someone wants to pay me to follow around their kid to yell at them every time they pick up a drug or drink though, I'd be more than happy to for that amount of money. I have a no refund/no exchange policy though.

I'm trying to translate this into some scenario I can relate to personally.

I could stand to lose about 25#. I like to eat chocolate and I'm not crazy about exercising. I also smoke.

If I was "offered" a fulltime nutritionist/personal trainer to babysit me 24/7 to make sure I stayed on track with a health & fitness program, I'd laugh hysterically in the face of whoever "offered" it...not to mention being highly resentful and insulted by the implications.

But hey, that's just me.

Why not just go to AA or NA and get a sponsor? Much cheaper.

Are you sure TJP; someone gave you a good-looking guy paid to entertain you in healthy ways, 24/7 so you didnt give in to naughty temptations such as chocolate; it might not be so bad. LOL

The way I understand it; this is not necessarily about helping someone work a program; although Im sure that is also offered. What I am referring to is just someone to basically babysit; keep you entertained, busy with healthy alternatives so you dont give in to temptations. I think its more about expanding your time away from drugs, and helping a person create new patterns and habits.

But if you are paying them; you can customize what you want and need from them.

As I said, my husband and I had a good time working up some options (just for our amusement).

Our son sent some pictures today; one of them was that thing where you shape your hands like a heart and then focus on scenery/object; It was really sweet. So apparently his vacation is off to a good start.

But, but, but...you're not an addict. It's all about addicts helping other addicts, don't you know. ;) (My husband ALWAYS says YOU can't understand, you're not an addict. My reply - I wonder how rehabs and therapists help someone with addiction then. Oh, they must all be recovery addicts.) :gaah

:rotfxko @ rent a codie.

Rent a codie cracked me up too.

If my paid diet sponsor was a hottie....I would 50 shades him and the weight would melt off me.

Define "entertain" ;)

I give my 34-year-old AD the dignity to live her life as she sees fit. So far, recovery hasn't been a choice, and she's been active in addictions for many years now.

I know there is a God, and I'm not him. I'm staying out of the way of his plans for her.

As a long-term recovering addict/alcoholic, I'm don't see where any dignity is allowed the addict in the situation of a "paid babysitter/sober companion."

It is possible to love a child to death. My parents almost did, and I watched it firsthand with an addict in the town where I live. Her father had already died before she did, but her mother was there to bury her.

Just when I thought I've heard everything...something new pops up. I guess it would be like a hooker/male escort with more benefits, even more bang for the buck!

OK before this thread gets too far astray, ROLMAO

They are called "Sober Coaches." Some of the more 'expensive' rehabs even
have them for their 'clients' that may have to return to obligations sooner than
their normal 'course.'

Yes, it started in California, lmao. However, also did a 'season' of Their Show
'Sober Coach', and two of the 'coaches' that were on that show are now being
used "Intervention" to replace two counselors that exited the show for other
jobs.

They are only used if the client is 'willing' and 'wants' a sober coach. The coach
is NOT there 24/7 but with the client at 'trigger' hours/events/etc and they can
'call' the 'coach' anytime if they feel a relapse coming on. Therefore, it only
seems to work with those that WANT the extra help. The 'coach' is not only
willing to talk the client through the 'episode' of the 'stinkin thinkin' but will also
haul them off to a meeting if deemed necessary. You see the 'sober coaches'
are all in recovery at least 10 to 12 years and has training as an addiction
counselor.

So, Mrs Dragon I am glad it 'lightened' the 'cloud' hanging over you and your
hubby right now, and that you got a good laugh. It is very IMPORTANT that
we laugh, it relieves that 'burden' we are carrying.

Just wanted to clear up a bit of the confusion. Now PLEASE go back to making
some 'Sober Campanion' jokes. I need some more laughs. lol lol lol

Love and hugs,

For the life of me, I cannot see any dignity anywhere in a situation like this.

It would make me a codependent manipulator and totally humiliate my son to suggest that a grown man needs a babysitter.

Like Freedom, I am not God and I am powerless over my son's addiction...but I can allow him the dignity of finding his own way.

And quite frankly, if I couldn't stand between my son and drugs, no paid escort will be able to either.

Just the thoughts of a befuddled mama looking for dignity.

I am for hire!! :)

Im not so cynical about the process actually. And while it is entertaining to think up hilarious, and inappropriate scenarios; which my husband and I did enjoy; I think the concept does have merit.

Its fairly similar to the concept that NA uses where those in recovery mentor newer people. Its just this takes it outside meetings, and into real world scenarios. And although NA is one method of recovery, its be no means the only method so not all the sober companions will be versed in that. And unless specified I dont think the intent is to walk the person through a program, its just for support while they transistion back to daily routines.

In the tv show; which is where I learned about it… the mans father did hire the sober companion; no mention of NA, and she actually is not even a recovering addict. But the father was also providing a house for the son alone. So, it was basically a requirement that he had the choice to accept, or not. So the man did have the dignity to choose. I really cant think of a situation where a person could be forced to accept a sober companion; there might be an offer with this being a string attached; but there is still a choice; still dignity in my opinion.

And I get a little confused about choice / dignity beliefs. As the legal system, employers, etc. are often coaxing individuals into treatment. And while they have a choice, are they really given the dignity to choose, the alternative is usually quite bad; prison. And unfortunately, the legal system often does not offer choices in recovery; so in making their choice, they may even have to go against their religious beliefs and accept a program they would not choose; not very dignified.

Going back to the tv show; pretty sure there will be a future romantic involvement there. Then at some point most likely a relapse that she hides to protect him. And then true recovery, and in this case a transition to a partnership in which they will work together to solve mysterious crimes.
Things always work out in tv land........

I think a sober coach for a motivated (and wealthy) person can be helpful. Addiction is cunning and baffling. All it takes is one wrong thought and the addiction is back in control. In a sense, a sponsor or another member of AA or NA are like a free sober coaches.

IMO, whatever it takes to get and stay clean is a good thing.

Please don't compare something like this to what NA or any other 12-step program suggests. They suggest a sponsor who is available to mentor, not a babysitter, and they suggest sticking to same sex sponsors for obvious reasons, not hiring a chick to keep a man's mind off using.

You may or may not insult your son with this kind of thinking, but please do not insult the 12 step programs that have saved so many lives here.

One of the things I've learned in my recovery journey is that no one else can do this for you.

While my son was in rehab, and then an extended care program, I was a "poster child" for AlAnon. When he relapsed, I fell apart and back into my crazy thinking. I had not really "let go" and surrendered- I had "transferred" the responsibility I felt for him to the "professionals." I had delegated my control issues, and felt relief because someone else was "in control." It was okay for my peace of mind while it lasted, but just postponed the ultimate crash...sort of like suboxone for the codependent. I view a parent hiring a sober companion for their adult child as the same type of thing.

His recovery is not my business. MY recovery is my business.

Actually many people who are part of NA provide sober coaching, and companionship .... it is a legitimate service. (Although Im sure they would prefer not to be called babysitters).

If you had read my initial post; I explained that while my husband had no knowledge of what a sober companion was; when I first made the statement "if our son gets clean, maybe we should get him a sober companion" He JOKINLGY said " you want to buy him a woman". I dont think he really assumed I wanted to hire a chick to keep our sons mind off using.

Hes with a chick right now; have no idea if he is using, but she wont stop him if he decided he wants to.......

I just dont want to be mis-quoted here; as I was not insulting anyone, or degrading any specific type of recovery program.

I did forget how sensative some people can be however; so Im sorry you were upset by the thread.

On the bright side; this is a reminder to me that my husband and I are fortunate that we are detached enough from our sons drug use, where we can have silly discussions, and laugh ... even at things related to substace abuse.

I don't think it's the parents or anyone else's job to "hire" someone. But if a motivated addict seeking recovery has the money and feels he needs it, its not my place to judge.

I have often wondered how a celebrity or a politician, etc can work a program. They may have the money for rehab, but then what?? Do they have NA just for them? I am sure they are concerned about their anonymity.

All joking aside, this strikes me as just another attempt to take the work out of recovery. If addicts regularly had more disposable income I would think it would do quite well as a business idea, people are always looking for an easy way out; unfortunately, there isn't one.

We have a whole forum of babysitters right here - and how has that worked out for all of our loved ones? Many people here have put their own lives in danger trying to stop their qualifier from using - I doubt any sober coach is going to do that. So really, unless the addict is already committed to working hard on recovery, this is just another waste of money.

Unless I am misunderstanding the whole thing? I'm a little confused on whether the coach is supposed to be mentor-like or more of a rent-a-friend type deal. If it's just a rental friend then I'm way off base. But if that's the case why limit it to addicts? I know plenty of people unpleasant enough to be around <cough>My boss</cough> that they might employ this type of service, no drugs involved! If it's actually an opposite sex deal then I probably shouldn't say how I feel about it, because I find that pretty insulting.