H in bad car crash last night and 3 people critical
 

Dear members... the day is not improving... as you know H has relapsed. Just been called - he was drunk last night - driving his massive Toyota Landcruiser (he wrote the Range Rover off) - and ploughed into a taxi with 3 passengers. H is okay - just badly cut. But the three occupants of the taxi are critical. They are lying in a hospital in Zanzibar (an island off East Africa) - here I was always concerned about H - due to practically no medical care - and now three innocent souls lives are hanging in the balance.... I don't know how to feel right now....
I don't want to see H.
My brother was killed by a drunken driver 9 years ago. The drunk lived. My 23 year old brother didn't. I fear what words could come out of my mouth when I do see H again...... I feel sick.

I am so sorry Lara, and my prayers go our for you and for those injured people and yes, even for your H who now has to live with this.

You are not responsible for his poor choices and the destruction and sadness they cause.

Sending big hugs because this must be awful for you. :hug:

Lara,

I can only imagine all the emotions you must be feeling right now. My heart goes out to you and my prayers up out for everyone involved...including your AH. :candle6D:

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

It's so difficult as I love H (he's not my husband) but I refer to him by the initials of his first name....
But I feel do deeply for the families of the others involved... I suppose distance right now is the best thing.... rage is such a pointless, negative emotion that gets noone anywhere....
I really need to be a constructive as possible when I see H again - he has asked for me - but not sure what to do really.... If he was critically injured I can honestly say I would be on a plane this minute - but he's okay.

((Lara))

it was very brave for you to post this ~ I am so glad that you are reaching out for support ~

As so wisely Ann mentioned ~ this is H's responsibility, please do not take it on ~ prayers that it will be the catayst used to help him find the help he needs ~

Prayers for the three precious people & their families ~ for healing, comfort and grace ~

and mostly prayers for you ~ take good care of you & your recovery during this painful time

PINK HUGS for all,
Rita

I understand your rage and the need to distance yourself. I am so sorry for those that were hurt.

Keeping all in my prayers.

Prayers for everyone involved Lara - and for yourself as well...

D

I think unless your H begins a sincere program of recovery and has some recovery time under his belt, it is best for you to leave him to his HP. Pray for him, pray for the people he has hurt, and leave the details to God.

For you, keep working on your own recovery, all the things you need to do for you. Are you attending any Al-Anon or similar groups?

Lara, I will be keeping the people who were hurt in my prayers as well as you,

Lara, H has you in critical condition just another type yet still crippling what if you and your son were in that taxi just imagine finding out H was the driver.

My heart goes out to the innocent people.

As for H, who cares if he is asking for you. For your sake step away from this. He's obviously doing as he pleases, selfishly plowing about in his massive vehicle high on substances he knows full well impair his judgement, with no thought to the rights of everyone else to move about safely. Let the consequences come. You could have been a party to this, you have mentioned how many times you could have been killed in his Range Rover. You could be lying in that hospital right now, or living with the horror of seeing that car smash into and injure others.

[QUOTE=Lara;3522593

I fear what words could come out of my mouth when I do see H again...... [/QUOTE]

Is there a reason you plan to see him, again?

In this situation I would definitely choose NOT to enable someone with such reckless disregard for human life.

I'm sorry this happened, but you get to decide if you want to keep making it easy for him to continue down this path. Let him handle this, he's definitely earned any pain he is feeling.

No contact.

It's impossible not to see him again... I won't seek him out - but we live on a very small island - and our businesses are involved... so tricky to completely avoid... I have managed for the past few weeks - as had my partner do the travelling - but eventually have to travel back - can't avoid the island forever.....

Yeah, I think if you go to his side you are definitely getting in God's way. I'd let him sit alone for a LONG time to think about his life & choices. Of course, if the laws there are anything like the U.S., he'll be in jail for quite some time. Plenty of time to think there.

Before you see him again, why don't you run by the hospital to visit the victims and their families? That should give you some much needed perspective.

I am in complete agreement with all of you - I am not a blithering idiot! But its not as simple as it seems... we live and work on a very small island. Our work crosses paths...I can't keep sending my business partner to represent me all the time - I am going to have to travel eventually.

Right now I loathe him... and wish there were no feelings at all.....I feel sick for the other families - I know how it feels - I have been 'the other family' - our brother was killed by a drunken driver!!

I appreciate your input -I don't need perspective to see the families in hospital - by 23 year old brother was killed by a drunk driver in a car crash....I think that's why I feel such rage too - that the person who was once someone I loved - has almost killed 3 people - innocent people like my brother - and God willing they live! Not sure yet....

I hope you don't think I was implying that you were an idiot, I don't think that at all. This is a horrible situation all around. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Will he be allowed to carry on business as usual after the accident?

You said you fear the words that will come out of his mouth. He should fear the words that come out of yours IMHO. You may have to just make yourself ice when you must deal with him or see him. Short, direct, devoid of emotion, business only. Give him no in, not even to your anger or disgust, as it will give him a foothold to manipulate. Don't listen to a word he says, and if he speaks of anything other than mutual business, walk away.

On another note, I am really sorry for the loss of your brother in such a tragic way. Those wounds don't heal clean.

DO not engage in business with him. Use other means - not even business polite will work - Trust me here as there is tooo much emotion!!

Calm down, bobcat. You can't browbeat someone into doing what you want. Everyone moves at their own pace and pushing our opinions on someone just causes the person to shut down. You've made your point.

So sorry to hear about this terrible event. I'll be praying for God's peace and comfort to surround the victims, their families, you, and your son. Also praying that you give up H and turn him over to his/your HP.

Dear Interrupted - your post was kind and supportive!!!! thank you!!!!!

HI FindingErica - thank you for your input... your words make sense and have guided me - thank you - you have given me a 'plan of action' which I am going to stick too......
I meant to say 'the words coming out of MY mouth - not his'.... many thanks for your guidance!

A reminder to post with support and respect. A couple of posts have been removed, let's continue to work with Lara to help her through this crisis.

Thank you all.

Thank you Ann!!!I am sorry to be so sensitive to this - battling with it.... bringing back so many memories - but have received some wonderful posts from members who have given such good advice... i am working on it...
Thank you

This is tragic news. It is tragic not only for the three people critically injured but also for H. He has to live with this.....and as much as we want to de-humanize the addict as a result of the hurt and pain they have caused in our lives, they too are human. This kind of thing can be a catalyst for deeper addiction or a catalyst for recovery. I will pray for the latter.

I am so sorry, Lara. All involved will be in my prayers. Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

Thank you Kindeyes.... I know! He too is human who has made a terrible mistake. He's not all addict. He's done incredible things too - contributes so much to society - financially, with time etc etc... but here we only read about the 'bad'.
He is in my prayers!!