URGENT: Should I help him detox?
 

many of you saw my earlier post "A mother's cry..." asking for prayers for my heroin-addicted son. Our prayers have helped and he is wanting to kick this sh*t. His plan is to move to a sober community that he is familiar with in another town later this week, but he wants to kick before he leaves. He's been on the phone to a few detox centers but they want to set up evaluation appointments for Tues or Wed and he's gonna be sick as a dog starting tomorrow. Should I offer to support him 'til he can get into detox? I can take the time off of work and I know it would be hell, but I feel like it's the right thing to do. I want to help him. He's my son and he's trying to do the right thing.

I know I'm not thinking straight -- I'm very distraught (although cool as a cucumber on the phone with him) -- and need the help of this community.

Thanks.

Darling,
If you think it is the right thing to do, then trust yourself. we have all been praying, and I believe in answered prayers.

you can only live with doing what you feel is right. at least that is my belief.
I am glad that he wants to get well, tjp. my prayers will be with you both.
it would not be safe for him to detox alone, i believe. many have support when they do this. take care of yourself too honey.
love,
chicory

Back when, I allowed my home to be used as a detox which is not the same thing as playing nursemaid. Even though I was hands off, I would not do this again.

I am not remotely qualified to deal with the physical and emotional aspects of a detox situation.

Is your daughter in your home at this time?

(((tjp))) - I don't know what the "right" answer is. I've done things I would never do again, but at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Had I not done them, I think I would still question whether I should have done more?

I know this is pretty much a codie answer, but I wouldn't be where I am today in codie recovery had I not learned my lessons...sometimes the hard way.

Regardless of what you decide, we're here for you, sweetie.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

That's a difficult question to answer. I did that once or twice, early on, when I thought being there was going to fix things....of course it didn't. I don't have regrets - I needed to take that part of the journey. My daughter said she wanted to go cold turkey - a few tries made it clear it wasn't a viable option at that time. She wasn't ready to do whatever it took.

Your earlier post said that he was facing homelessness soon...Do you have a sense of whether he really feels done or if he is desperate for a place to stay? Will you be comfortable asking him to leave if he does not follow through with his plans? I found it easier to detach from a distance and very hard when my daughter was in my home.

I think you need to do whatever you can live with. Whatever that is, if you have no expectations and no belief that you can control him or cure him, you'll be fine. Sending prayers for you and your son. :hug:

The detox facilities might not take him later because there won't be any drugs in his system, if he's serious about abstaining now. Has he ever detoxed at home before?

The only way I'd allow detox in my home again, would be if there is no other way. Even then I'd be ready to call 911 at the drop of a hat.

tjp, I would do what I could live with :grouphug:

I've had my son detox in my home a couple of times. It's ugly. I did what I thought was right at the time but don't know that i could do it again......but that's what I say until faced with the situation again. Do what your mother's heart can live with.

You'll continue to be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

Could he go to the emergency room? In MA there's a process called a section 35 where you can go to the court and have him admitted to a facility (the addict can even section themselves). They are pretty much guaranteed a bed, although if a bed isn't available in one of the regular facilities they will be sent to a detox on the grounds of a prison. Maybe you can see if your state has a similar process?

I'm glad he's asking for help. From what I've heard about withdrawal, though, it's probably best left up to professionals if at all possible.

((hugs))

Maybe post on the Substance Abuse forum? It seems people there know a lot about this.

Sending you strength and faith in your higher power, and his, too.

I have no experience at this, but I believe you want to do this, and feel you need to as a mother. You have to do with what you can live with. That being said, do what the others said and call 911 at the drop of a hat if you need to. They will have to take him and medically assist him, right? Can you just take him there now, in fact? I'm still praying for you both.

I do have experience with this. Both with addicts and alcoholics. It's not pretty, matter of fact it can get real ugly.

He will get physically sick sweating profusely and vomiting. Will not be able to keep anything down and will start to become dehydrated. His emotions are going to all over the place, he will be paranoid, he will say things that you really don't want to hear coming out of your son's mouth.

You have to decide if you are up for this.

If you are going to 'allow' him to detox in your home, keep the phone with you, do not attempt to transport him to hospital on your own, CALL 911.

Do what you are comfortable with, but BE PREPARED to change plans in mid stream.

Yes, I have done it with Addicts and Alcoholics, because of my medical background and being an RN I have helped quite a few over the years, however, NEVER ONE OF MY OWN CHILDREN. I would not, knowing how detox can go, EVER DETOX ONE OF MY OWN. That is just me. NO WAY, NO HOW.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

He is ok for now-- I took him some pedialyte, Gatorade, immodium, etc. He had a Xanax to help him sleep and it's helping. I came back home and he will try to find a detox that can take him tomorrow (Monday). As it stands he has an intake appt for Tuesday, so I think he'll be ok without further help from me.

Thanks for all of your prayers & help on this.

So glad to hear this. (((hugs))) Keep posting.

My experience: I helped my son through a few different events that no mom should have watch. I did each time what I felt was best.
Twice I tried to find detox places, perhaps I did not scream loud enough at the person on the other end of the phone :( He could not get into detox as the crap was out of his system each time.
I know we can not save someone, but if we do not try a few times, we just may never know if we did the right thing. Today I feel we as a family did the right thing, my son is doing the right thing.
If your son is asking for help keep trying to get it for him is my opinion.

I guess detoxing has different phases depending on what the person is on and how much and how long, I wouldnt know about that but seeknig medical advice cant be wrong, sending you prayers and so glad to hear your son is seeking help

Just by way of an update...

My son did make it through a medical detox, cleared out his apartment, packed up his car, said goodbye to his girlfriend and took off for the sober house in a town 200 miles from here. He pulled into that (small) town about midnight last night, tired and anxious to get to his destination. He got pulled over for going 50 in a 45. There was a warrant for his arrest for two outstanding traffic tickets. He's in jail.

I feel bad for him, but .........

Will keep him and you in my thoughts.

I'm sorry. I hope he gets his legal issues straightened out quickly and is able to continue on his path of recovery.

But...part of detaching with love means allowing the people we love to deal with the consequences of their actions.

I hope you're doing as well as you can.

ZoSo

(((tjp))) - I'm glad he's safe, sorry about the being in jail part but I do know the feeling. I was in jail a few times, but I think all but once it was on warrants because I didn't take care of what I was supposed to.

Good news is, he can get past this if he wants to. It sounds like he was making a good choice, and it just may be that jail further cements the idea of "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". It might not, but it worked for me:)

I know you feel bad for him, but your his mama, I think that's pretty darned "normal". You're not rushing out there to bail him out, make things easy, and that has got to be hard, but you know it's what's best for both of you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Update again - He can't string together more than 3 days. He packed his stuff and left the sober house late last night. We won't be trying to track him down. He's in God's hands now.

Please join me in prayer for all those caught in the death grip of addiction. Thanks.

I am so sorry. Will be thinking of both of you today.

ZoSo

I'm so sorry, tjp. Please take care of yourself. We're here for support anytime. :grouphug:

It's tough to watch them struggle with this disease. You and your son continue to be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke

Joining you in prayer for serenity and sobriety, including all loved ones :grouphug:

My heart is with you TJP- Giving him to HP is the best thing you can do. I do it every day with a heavy heart but then I feel better knowing I trust in Him to keep my son safe.
Hugs,
Teresa

We texted back and forth a little bit earlier today and I said my loving "goodbye". I feel like there is an elephant sitting on my chest. Can't recall ever being in this much pain before. I wish I had the luxury of being able to cry for an hour, but I can't right now. Maybe later.