I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a nightmare. If I were you I would not try to get in touch right now. She has to help herself and it doesn't sounds like she's planning to do that yet.

I prayed like my life depended on it, and her's, too. I asked my Higher Power to watch over her, keep her safe and protect her from harm. I asked that HP do all the things for her that I couldn't and shouldn't. I asked HP to do for her what she was not able to do for herself.

So sorry you are going thru this nightmare. It all sounds so familiar - been thru similar scenes with my AS. Blaming everyone else, having tantrums when they don't get what they want. Hugs to you.

Wow, that sounds like a nightmare, but you did pretty well as far as I can see.

My son once apologized sincerely for something and asked me to forgive him and I said I had forgiven him before he was born because he was my son. Dear heavens, I've had that thrown back in my face forever since. "I thought you forgave me before I was born, it meant nothing, just stupid words you used," blah, blah, blah...

Tell her maybe you'll 'house her, but not her addiction, and until she separates herself from her addiction, you can't help her...'

I don't know, but I'm sure she said that to make you feel guilty and you might because you did say and mean that she would never be homeless, but at the time you didn't know...

You are learning along with her about how to deal with addiction.

I don't know how you offer unconditional love to an addict. Maybe that's an unrealistic expectation (altho I suppose it depends on how to define unconditional). I don't know if any adult can actually expect unconditional love from another human being.

Or maybe all love is unconditional, even if you say, "I love you unconditionally, but you still aren't allowed to mistreat me because I do."

Or maybe it's enough to love IN SPITE of the addiction and not worry about whether it's unconditional or not.

I think the definition of unconditional love makes a difference here. The addict defines it as loving them and never being angry at them and enabling them no matter what they do. Perhaps we define unconditional love as setting boundaries and not interfering with consequences, etc... Addicts will never see that as unconditional.

Supposedly God gives unconditional love and total free will, but he won't stop you from stepping off a cliff, and if you do, splat.

So maybe we would do ourselves a favor not to try to outdo god, and let unconditional love stay a feeling and not try to force it to become an action. It's a feeling we don't have to act on to prove it's validity.

In any case, we should not ever allow an addict to define love to us, especially our own love.

from what I understand an addict active in their abuse is abusing themselves, they suffer from huge remorse and self loathing, they have been trying to escape their own shame and self hatred by using the escape of a substance that then compounds the whole heap with shame, and more self loathing and self hatred. self self self self.

the spin is the self centered tornado picking things up and whirling out of control...anything you say can and will be used against you. In order for that hurting self loathing self to survive the projections and blame and lashing out begins.

this is one of the reasons why some people just go no contact...the contact can become abusive, or twisted another way manipulative. the fear and loathing and shame can spread...it's a "family disease" not necessarily family of origin either...it's a system disease, so the closer you are in the system the stronger you have to be to resist the symptoms...al anon, SR, therapy, etc is like an immune booster...

no contact is quarantine

love, your love, can still exist.
you can still love her even though these horrible conditions exist. it takes a lot of discernment and self care and self protection and self love in order to be well in the connection to an active addict.

prayers to you and your daughter.
if she ever does find recovery so much of this will find more clarity. as other addicts in recovery here have said you did the right thing...you did what is best for her...and for YOU.
peace

Wow, I am speechless. I have so much respect for you. This is such an incredibly difficult situation for you. I can't imagine going through this with a child. I won't soon forget this. You should be very proud of yourself for staying strong.

I can't offer much advice, other than to remind you that you are NOT responsible for the poor decisions your daughter has made.

((hugs))

I can only imagine how painful this must have been. Your post literally brought tears to my eyes. You are very strong! Know that you are definitely doing the best possible thing for your daughter even though it hurts.

I will send an extra prayer your way tonight.

I haven't heard a word from my AD since the night she was here. She and her boyfriend are living with his mother, who says she wants them out.

AD has a blog and the only things I know about her I've seen there. Comments about suicide, drugs, reblogged pics of violences and weird stuff, and the other day posted her own pic of shooting up roxys. :cries3:

I don't know what she's doing. Stealing, panhandling, armed robbery, prostitution. Could be any or all of those. The only way I get through the days is to keep any thoughts of her out of my mind. I have to avert my eyes from her high school graduation picture when I walk past it or I'm an instant mess. There's nothing else to do. It colors my life every minute of every day.

Does she have a probation or parole officer? If she does, email the addy of her blog to the officer.

If she does not, email the addy of blog to the assistant DA that is handling her case.

Her ACTIONS, her CONSEQUENCES.

J M H O

Oh and in case you are wondering, I did just this, it was before computers, but when I found ALL sorts of writings and letters in my son's room, I gave them to the asst DA handling his case.

Love and hugs,