Being with an addict,what do you regret doing?
 

Okay so i was reading this thread "Stupid things you've done?" in alcoholism section. All of us (having a family member or a loved one who is an addict) have done things so wrong that when we look back at it we cant believe we even did it. What do you regret doing?

so many things..

i regret believing him when he said he was sorry
i regret not following my gut feeling and leaving
i regret feeling bad when i rightly accused him of being high
i regret sleeping with him while he was high
i regret how crazy the relationship made me
i regret calling his crazy ex gf because she wasn´t worth it
i regret opening up to him
i regret believing him when he said he was just tired
i regret not seeing the signs
i regret taking the risk
i regret loving him

First, I'm trying not to regret things from the past as much. I feel for my own growth, recovery, healing, whatever you want to call it, that I need to do this so that I can begin to forgive myself and move forward. That said....

I regret lowering my standards which made me accept unacceptable things in my life - from the moment he first relapsed and on.

Now I know better so I can do better ~ from now on.

Hugs~

Ever letting him into my life. My heart said one thing, my gut said another, my gut was 100% right.

I would have insisted we send my daughter to a rehab at 14 when she first started getting into the life. My husband didn't want to, but i knew I was so far in over my head....

i regret feeling bad when i rightly accused him of being high - Yes

i regret believing him when he said he was just tired - Yes

i regret not seeing the signs - & Yes

I agree with all these...I also, then, ultimately regret allowing myself to sit in denial for many years...long enough to bring two beautiful, innocent daughters (whom I love more than life) into the middle of our chaos...

exactly how I feel

I regret not acting on getting help for myself when I recognized red flags.

I regret letting myself snoop, letting myself hate my DH (instead of the addiction itself).

I regret all the time I spent trying to go through text messages, searching the house for signs.

I regret not getting help for myself sooner.

So much regrets. But, in a way, I had to go through all of that to grow and evolve.

Not being true to myself.

Living the lie.

But as mentioned previously, we have to do the things we do to learn the lessons we need to learn.

I, too, don't want to use the word regret because I am grateful for the h*ll that brought me here. (on my good days) But I like this thread a lot.

What makes me saddest is how I did not honor my gut, my instincts, my heart. I twisted all these things up to try to make sense of all the insanity of addiction.

I thought I was crazy but somewhere deep down I knew I was right and that the situation wasn't healthy. But I didn't listen to that little voice. I listened to a lot of other ones instead.

I betrayed myself, and I have so much sadness for that. I'm sorry N&D (that's me), you really are worth a lot more.

everything i went thru with him in 9 months was worth the lessen he thought me. I learned how to be humble and be more compassiante to people going thru troubles in life. The one thing i regret that i did was drinking in front of him when he got out of rehab. That is the only thing he can say today i did wrong and i know it was wrong.

Just balling my eyes out, identifying with pretty much everything that has been stated. . .not wanting to regret but still regretting. . .realizing how much I still need to recover & grow. . .I wish I made different choices but like many of you put forth, maybe those were the choices I had to make to ge to where I could begin to heal (from generations of addiction/co-dependency).

I regret letting awful( first times )happen,only to discover that first is never last.

No regrets. As a codependent personality I was bound to fall into a situation similar to the one with my exabf at some point. I am grateful for the experience and grateful for the lessons it taught me as I move on from it. I am now fully aware of the red flags, more aware of my intuition, and ready to face whatever could be thrown at me in the future! I have learned and continue to learn so much about myself that I never would have been able to if I hadn't lived a relationship with an addict. The best lessons are learned first hand through personal experience - and wow, what an experience!

Thank you for this thread! :)

xoxo

I regret not trusting my gut. I regret closing my eyes instead of looking around at the obvious.

I too try to not let regret seep in. I wouldn't have 2 awesome kids without xah. My biggest regret is not getting out sooner. I could have, should have left years ago. But I'm not a quitter, right? ;) I kept trying and trying and trying. All the while he got worse and worse. I followed suit right behind him.