Being with an addict,what do you regret doing?

Old 09-24-2010, 04:57 PM
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Being with an addict,what do you regret doing?

Okay so i was reading this thread "Stupid things you've done?" in alcoholism section. All of us (having a family member or a loved one who is an addict) have done things so wrong that when we look back at it we cant believe we even did it. What do you regret doing?
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Old 09-24-2010, 05:45 PM
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so many things..

i regret believing him when he said he was sorry
i regret not following my gut feeling and leaving
i regret feeling bad when i rightly accused him of being high
i regret sleeping with him while he was high
i regret how crazy the relationship made me
i regret calling his crazy ex gf because she wasn´t worth it
i regret opening up to him
i regret believing him when he said he was just tired
i regret not seeing the signs
i regret taking the risk
i regret loving him
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:13 PM
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First, I'm trying not to regret things from the past as much. I feel for my own growth, recovery, healing, whatever you want to call it, that I need to do this so that I can begin to forgive myself and move forward. That said....

I regret lowering my standards which made me accept unacceptable things in my life - from the moment he first relapsed and on.

Now I know better so I can do better ~ from now on.

Hugs~
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:17 PM
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Ever letting him into my life. My heart said one thing, my gut said another, my gut was 100% right.
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:20 PM
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I would have insisted we send my daughter to a rehab at 14 when she first started getting into the life. My husband didn't want to, but i knew I was so far in over my head....
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Old 09-24-2010, 09:25 PM
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i regret feeling bad when i rightly accused him of being high - Yes

i regret believing him when he said he was just tired - Yes

i regret not seeing the signs - & Yes

I agree with all these...I also, then, ultimately regret allowing myself to sit in denial for many years...long enough to bring two beautiful, innocent daughters (whom I love more than life) into the middle of our chaos...
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Old 09-25-2010, 08:59 AM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
If I had to do it all over again, even if I could, I wouldn't change a thing.
I believe everything happens for a reason, I have no regrets.
Just a lot of experience and life lessons.
exactly how I feel
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:09 AM
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I regret not acting on getting help for myself when I recognized red flags.
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Old 09-25-2010, 09:32 AM
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I regret letting myself snoop, letting myself hate my DH (instead of the addiction itself).

I regret all the time I spent trying to go through text messages, searching the house for signs.

I regret not getting help for myself sooner.

So much regrets. But, in a way, I had to go through all of that to grow and evolve.
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Old 09-25-2010, 10:07 AM
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Not being true to myself.

Living the lie.

But as mentioned previously, we have to do the things we do to learn the lessons we need to learn.
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Old 09-25-2010, 01:06 PM
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I, too, don't want to use the word regret because I am grateful for the h*ll that brought me here. (on my good days) But I like this thread a lot.

What makes me saddest is how I did not honor my gut, my instincts, my heart. I twisted all these things up to try to make sense of all the insanity of addiction.

I thought I was crazy but somewhere deep down I knew I was right and that the situation wasn't healthy. But I didn't listen to that little voice. I listened to a lot of other ones instead.

I betrayed myself, and I have so much sadness for that. I'm sorry N&D (that's me), you really are worth a lot more.
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Old 09-25-2010, 03:58 PM
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everything i went thru with him in 9 months was worth the lessen he thought me. I learned how to be humble and be more compassiante to people going thru troubles in life. The one thing i regret that i did was drinking in front of him when he got out of rehab. That is the only thing he can say today i did wrong and i know it was wrong.
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Old 09-25-2010, 06:23 PM
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Just balling my eyes out, identifying with pretty much everything that has been stated. . .not wanting to regret but still regretting. . .realizing how much I still need to recover & grow. . .I wish I made different choices but like many of you put forth, maybe those were the choices I had to make to ge to where I could begin to heal (from generations of addiction/co-dependency).
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Old 09-26-2010, 08:40 AM
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I regret letting awful( first times )happen,only to discover that first is never last.
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Old 09-27-2010, 04:17 AM
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No regrets. As a codependent personality I was bound to fall into a situation similar to the one with my exabf at some point. I am grateful for the experience and grateful for the lessons it taught me as I move on from it. I am now fully aware of the red flags, more aware of my intuition, and ready to face whatever could be thrown at me in the future! I have learned and continue to learn so much about myself that I never would have been able to if I hadn't lived a relationship with an addict. The best lessons are learned first hand through personal experience - and wow, what an experience!

Thank you for this thread!

xoxo
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Old 09-27-2010, 06:45 AM
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I regret not trusting my gut. I regret closing my eyes instead of looking around at the obvious.

I too try to not let regret seep in. I wouldn't have 2 awesome kids without xah. My biggest regret is not getting out sooner. I could have, should have left years ago. But I'm not a quitter, right? I kept trying and trying and trying. All the while he got worse and worse. I followed suit right behind him.
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Old 09-27-2010, 07:05 AM
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I regret not finding you all sooner!!!!!

I never did the leg work to find help and support for Me through it all. I was too busy trying to help Him. I didn't know there was support for people like us.

It was my fault for not looking into it.

But I'm here now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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