Bizarre Conversation My romantic interest and I had a very odd conversation today/ He brought up his drinking/using and so I listened for a bit. I did pretty well in not inserting my own opinions, other than to say that no one needs to use in order to be happy. Here are some of the stranger tidbits from the conversation: "I know I don't need it, but I want it". "Eating a cheeseburger is just as bad for you as addiction." "I am trying to decide whether or not I am going to drink at this party on Saturday night." "I stole some pain pills from my roomate who had been prescribed them due to a work-related accident." "I took some beer out of their refridgerator." Refering to his roommates' beer. "I am still trying to figure out who I am." ---- Then later in the conversation: "I'm not going to talk to you about this anymore because I feel like you're judging me. You are making me feel ashamed." "I grew up around drinking, everyone in my family drinks" I know that some of his family members are alcoholics. "When I talk about drinking with you, it's like a taboo subject for you. when I tak about it with other people, I don't get the same negative feelings that I get from you." "This conversation is making me want to use." I decided awhile back to not bring this topic up with him anymore, because he has so deep into this active addiction cycle that the things he is saying he never would have said while he was sober. I am going be looking for a new job (he is my coworker), and as soon as I do, I intend to cut off contact with him for awhile. At this point, it seems he would need to go back to rehab in order to get sober again. It is time for me to move on. |
He's justifying it all to himself. You just happened to be on the other end of the conversation. He's not ready to quit. Good for you for realizing it and moving on with your life. You deserve so much better. :grouphug: |
This is going to be tough. I am very heart broken. But it's time to dust myself off and get on with my life. |
You sound like you know what to do already. It is heartbreaking but in the end you see the danger signs ahead of time. Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done on noticing the BS. |
Originally Posted by URMYEVERYTHING
(Post 2658291)
You sound like you know what to do already. It is heartbreaking but in the end you see the danger signs ahead of time. Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done on noticing the BS. |
It helps to stay in the present and not to live in the past or focus on dreams of the future. Acceptance of reality is key. I'm pretty sure that's what they mean by "one day at a time". Base your actions on the reality of today, and make wise choices for yourself based on what you need right now to make yourself healthy and happy. You can't go wrong with that formula. |
It is hard! But keep pressing on... get the new job and leave him to himself. He is not ready to change... but you are! You will be happy again, it just takes time... walk thru the sadness but know better things are ahead for you! Keep reading and posting... it will help you so much! |
Originally Posted by oshkoshberjosh
(Post 2658754)
Thanks for the encouragement! I need all the encouragement I can get right now. I am still infatuated with him...the old him that is...the sober him. Regarding your conversation with him, you say you listened quietly, and he said that he feels you judge him. Well, the truth is that he is judging himself, because he knows what he is, and what he does. I'm glad to hear your moving on. When you pick the next man, look for some stability and sobriety. NEXT-----> |
Originally Posted by Angelic17
(Post 2659901)
Hello Oshkosh, You say that your still infatuated with him, and that's understandable. But be careful. You already know your going to move on and not have a relationship with this guy. And that's very smart. Because if you did get involved in a steady thing, when the infatuation wears off, you will be dealing with an alcoholic drug user. That's not a good choice for your future happiness and stability. I'm glad that you realize this already. Alot of women stay with the guy because of the infatuation, and wind up totally involved with the drinking drug user who usually ruins their life. Regarding your conversation with him, you say you listened quietly, and he said that he feels you judge him. Well, the truth is that he is judging himself, because he knows what he is, and what he does. I'm glad to hear your moving on. When you pick the next man, look for some stability and sobriety. NEXT-----> I KNOW i didn't say anything to make him feel ashamed. That is totally on him. He needs help. And I need to make sure I don't enable him. |
Originally Posted by anvilhead
(Post 2660083)
you refer to the person as your romantic interest......um,,where's the romance for YOU? he's involved with alcohol and continues to staunchly defend that relationship..........which is HIS choice, his right. so what's in it FOR YOU? how are your needs getting met? |
If my XABF had said those things about another woman I probably would have shoved him out the door, bags in hand, the moment it came up. Infidelity is at the top of my dealbreaker list. In hindsight, I do wish I had seen his addiction to alcohol the way we as loved ones can be addicted to them. It was a relationship I competed with, paid for, cried over, and lost my home over. My needs didn't get met but the booze had a great roll around with my EX. I am so glad to hear that you have a plan in the works to extricate yourself from this relationship. It's not what you'd hoped for in a love with this man, and for that I am sorry. Leave him to his other woman and move on. Your heart with heal. Best to you! Alice |
Originally Posted by oshkoshberjosh
(Post 2658754)
Thanks for the encouragement! I need all the encouragement I can get right now. I am still infatuated with him...the old him that is...the sober him. Infatuated is the key word. Is that LOVE? Enough to stay? |
Coming in on this late..you mention "he probably needs to go to rehab to get sober again"..not true. He needs to want to get sober to get sober again..he doesn't. Good for you for protecting yourself! |
Originally Posted by smacked
(Post 2661844)
Coming in on this late..you mention "he probably needs to go to rehab to get sober again"..not true. He needs to want to get sober to get sober again..he doesn't. Good for you for protecting yourself! |
Originally Posted by Angelic17
(Post 2661991)
I told my son's girlfriend of 9 years to move on, because he will only hurt her. That hurt me to the core and I actually posted on here about that conversation. It pissed me off so bad that I didn't want to speak to her anymore after that. But...... Of course, I didn't listen and she was right! I know better this time. Listen to the mamas...they know best! |
Just for the record, I am a guy :) I definitely see the writing on the wall. This process would be made much easier if he wasn't a co-worker, but I will have that issue solved as soon as I find another job. I hate addiction. |
Originally Posted by oshkoshberjosh
(Post 2662056)
Just for the record, I am a guy :) I definitely see the writing on the wall. This process would be made much easier if he wasn't a co-worker, but I will have that issue solved as soon as I find another job. I hate addiction. Sorry OshkoshberJosh, I thought you were a woman. Either way, find a clean mate what ever your sex may be. It doesn't matter to me. Your human and that's all that matters. I sure hope we are all making sense to you. We have your best interest at heart, and I know that most young people do what they want anyway. Either way, you will figure it out. I didn't listen to my elders much, and I learned the hard way myself. If I can spare you one bit of pain and heartache I will be happy. GOD BLESS YOU. |
proud of you, oskgosh. it's been awhile in coming. we will support you. |
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