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"I keep thinking oh no did he overdose and stop breathing again? " At night, while Mr.Sofa was sleeping...I used to check to see if he was still breathing. My worst fear was that I would wake up with Him dead lying next to Me. I look at it this way: It's like watching someone you love drown to death. You're standing there at the side of the pool watching them suffer & die. It's terrifying. You're panicked! You HAVE to do something! So, you give them a hand out of the pool to save their life... but they keep jumping back in to drown. How many times can you put yourself through something this traumatic? Before you end up in "the pool" with them? It's crazy making in the end...and it's torture for those who have to watch. I had to remove myself from the situation. It was the single, most difficult thing I have EVER done besides bury my Dad. But it was killing Me too. |
So he called me at 230am this morning and said he was depressed and wanted me to come over and be there with him. He was sober, so I did cave and went over. We talked about things, and hes going to his therapist and drug counselor to discuss trying a new treatment. This could be really good. I am very hopeful. Am I setting myself up for being hopeful, or is there hope yet? |
There's always hope... but be careful about going forward with any particular expectations. Even if he's 100% serious about getting better, which he very well may be, he has a long and challenging road ahead of him. Just remember to keep yourself as your top priority so that if he does slip you won't be dependent on him. |
Crystal, I would just suggest educating yourself on addiction. It's very helpful in knowing what you are getting into before you take a full leap. |
The Sticky entitled 'What Addicts Do' is insightful. I think it's in the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers Forum in the opening Stickies. There are many other posts that have helped me learn to understand that one can love someone to death by enabling them. It's our nature to want to help someone by giving to them, but the addict is a different breed and doesn't respond in the same way someone needing help and love might. They are truly immune to love, despite what they say. They are incapable of it, because they must learn to love themselves first and feel worthy of love. That happens if they do recover. I know it sounds harsh, but they truly can't give of themselves while they are caught up in active using and addiction. At the same time they cannot take in what others give to them like non-addicts might. For an addict someone taking care of them by giving them things, tolerating their using, etc....just gives them more money and greater license to use. We cannot change the addict. We can change how we deal with the addict and the situation. We do have a right to our own lives.... |
LOL I don't take calls at 2:30 am unless it's a fire! |
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