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Originally Posted by hello-kitty
(Post 2598430)
I am a recovering addict. When I was using, the road to hell was paved with my good intentions. and I didn't recover until I stopped playing the role of victim.
Originally Posted by Chino
(Post 2598453)
SlvrMag, it wasn't my intention to hurt my daughter (or anyone for that matter) with my codie ways, my addictive personality, but I did. When we're emotionally immature/children, we love others but focus on our wants first. When we become emotionally mature, we love and focus on our needs and others, not putting anything before them. I love my daughter but I'm admitting right now, like I just did with her, that I practiced immature love because I put wants before needs (hers and mine both). Sure she was fed, housed, and clothed, but she was also spoiled rotten. She acted like a spoiled child, focused on her wants, and so did I because I had not developed mature love yet. That's what tough love is. It's mature love we have for ourselves first, then share with others. I am in no way making excuses for my behavior, I am just telling what I felt and thought throughout my addiction, that's all. :) |
Originally Posted by Tealvertigo
(Post 2598544)
Hello all, I read most of the posts and I am very relieved that I was not met with harshness. That seems too common on the internet these days. It's refreshing to have a break from needless hurtfulness. Anyway, one thing that stood out to me, out of all the points made, is that i am seemingly stuck in a frustration that might be normal for people new to recovery. Yes, I am at the point where I am frustrated with the fact that people around me are moving on while I am struggling to catch up, and I do confess to wishing they would stop moving forth to catch me. But, I also realise that I am an adult, and I must focus on taking care of myself, even if that means struggling quite a bit. I am very thankful that you guys are here to not only support me, but educate me. |
A little bit off topic here, but I have to tell you all, this thread is amazing. I am so proud to be a member of a board that produces questions and answers in such a way that all of us learn something and help each other grow. Thank You. B |
frankly, I agree. There was another shift in my consciousness today and thankfully I was able to share it with my family, not just my daughter. It made sense to my loved ones and we'll grow because of it. There were no judgments, just acceptance. That's amazing all by itself :) |
ditto Frankly's reply. :grouphug: |
I agree with frankly too...very good thread!!!! |
Originally Posted by sofacat
(Post 2597964)
".....he didn't. his addiction was more powerful." But that didn't change the fact that they are addicts and alcoholics and would pretty much do anything to protect their disease...even at the cost of a loved one's sanity and well being. They would both see me cry, depressed, manic, frightened, confused, angry, panicked, withering away to nothing, broke (at their expense), and every other unhealthy mental disposition while they were active in their addiction....and they knew their illness was killing Me...and I was letting it. Didn't change anything. Now mind you, in one scenario I was a child, the other a "soul mate". Didn't matter....the addiction won EVERY.....SINGLE.....TIME. And the lying and the mental mind games they played to protect the disease really broke me down. I felt betrayed by the people that meant the most to me. They knew what was happening...but all involved were powerless to stop it. The addiction was more important (in my eyes) to them. And it was killing me. we feed the addiction and give it strength, power and permission....and we don't even know we're doing it. I realize that for some "A"s that sticky might be a bit harsh..but the view from your seat and the view from our seat are two very different places. ...and like addicts, we "Codies" need to be confronted and learn to see things for what they really are. It's okay....just keeps it all in perspective. Have a great day today...and thank you for sharing that. It's very hard being on this side, being on the verge of heading to the other side because you're so tired and the thought of "If you can't beat em, join em" starts making sense. I am so mentally tired from trying to "see & feel" that love that is professed everyday I cannot think straight anymore. Again, thanks sofacat |
"the thought of "If you can't beat em, join em" starts making sense." I've had those same thoughts myself. Wondering if maybe I was the one with the problem...maybe I should just lighten up ....it's amazing how far we will go to please the ones we love, isn't it? Glad I can help. |
I'm having a hard day, missing my XABF. It's been 2 months since we broke up, and 6 weeks since last contact. I just spent 5 minutes in my van, in my garage, away from my daughters, crying and screaming and throwing a toddler tantrum, yelling at God, saying, "HOW CAN SOMEONE TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU ONE DAY AND BE LIVING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN 2 WEEKS LATER?" I got it out of my system, said a quiet prayer for some relief from my pain, came inside and accidentally hit the bookmark I had linked to this thread. Thank you, God. That accident was an answer to my prayer. I needed to see this thread again today!!! I needed something to remind myself that my XABF loved me to the extent that he is capable of loving ANYONE. I don't doubt that he still loves me...I know through our experiences that he was deeply ashamed of the pain that he caused me, and that the bottom line is that his drug and alcohol addictions are far more powerful than what he wanted for us. I lost to the addictions, not because of who I am. And my replacement is not someone he loves -- he barely knows her -- she drinks and drugs with him, and they live together. Convenient. And not what I want for MY LIFE!!! I'm free! I get to be me again after 2 years of giving and giving and giving to someone who wanted sobriety but wasn't ready to be there yet. I get to be me again. THAT is a gift. And there is comfort in knowing that he loved (loves) me as much as he is capable of loving anyone. It was real. I saw it, felt it, knew it. Addicts are not zombies without feelings. They are real people. During his clean and sober days, he did give love, many times. Gave it as a verb -- in action. The drugs and alcohol are powerful, however, and in the long run, they had a stronger grip. |
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