Anyone want to adopt a 16 yo?
 

So i finally got to talk to my AS rehab counselor today.

I told her about our visitation fiasco on Sunday and how i was ready to set new boundaries. that i felt i was enabling him and he was manipulating me. I told her that i didnt want to visit again until we had a family counseling session where i could set up my new boundaries. She was very pleased with everything - felt i was doing the right thing for me and him. She is also placing him on more surveillance because of using his phone calls to talk to friends and using myspace. he'll be mad at me for telling her but i'm not going to enable this anymore - i should have called and told them the second i found out.

Then she told me a few things.

he lost his pass for stealing not for enabling another youth. when the other kid ran this weekend he and some others rummaged through his possessions and stole things. that's why he lost his pass for two weeks.

Unlike what he told me, he is not allowed to see any friends when he is on a pass so all the plans he was making were completely against the rules. he didnt see any friends but was trying to set things up. glad i confirmed that one and didnt just go by what he said.

Then - oh and you will all really get a warm fuzzy feeling from this one. A girl called rehab and asked to speak to him. They told her that they couldnt tell her if he was a resident and that the residents were not allowed to get phone calls. She then informed them that she was his gf and pregnant.

Whohoooo - i'm so excited over this, we didnt have enough fun going on we needed some teenage pregnancy to complete the full cycle of disfunction. She said its very possible that this was just a ploy to try to get to talk to him but who knows. dont know who it was or if its true - i guess time will tell. I'm not really upset right now since i dont know if its true and if it is true its not completely unexpected. I'm just going to try to hold off on this one until i know for sure. if it is true - i just dont know how i will feel - right now i'm pretty numb.

When my kid was 19 and in rehab, he pulled the same pregnancy stunt and it worked. They let her visit.
I almost dropped the phone when the counselor let it slip, then apologized profusely (he was not a minor)

And...I don't want to disappoint you Win, but I tried like mad to get my son adopted here when I joined...no takers. Good luck :)

Give me a few seconds to think about that offer, Winnie...
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No thanks!

Just think, I've been through the teenage years with two of them.

I'm amazed I came out with any sanity intact! :lmao

heck when Anvil says "what's wrong with this kid" i start shaking in my boots

he'll be in there 9-12 months so its a good long program. i wont be surprised if he just runs though.

yes bad attitude - thinks the world owes him something. he has that "i'm too cool" and its just the man and all your conservative crap. he thinks he's a hippie - of course has no understanding of that generation besides the sex, drugs and rebellion.

Thanks Cece - i hope my situation ends up being just a lie too - is that something known in rehabs? that they let pregnant gf's in? this was a new one on me.

Gee Winnie~For a second there I thought maybe this was about a daughter you wanted to get rid of..LOL but I've already done the walk with an addict and am happy to say things are OK here (for the moment))... 16 is hard enough without added problems so I do feel for your son. I sure hope he can get it in the next few months or else you'll be so tough that boy won't have anywhere to go...I'd certainly make that loud and clear...Hopefully things will change and I wouldn't put too much stock into a pregnancy..just some girl wanting to talk to him.. Smiles, Bonnie

Yowza....OK....Winnie has had enough for right now!

He sounds so much like my fiance's nearly 30 YO AS. Same lies, GF pregnant, going to join a band, start a restuarant, make tons of money, be famous, denies all the lies when the truth comes out. Don't know if that's the addict or the teenager talking in the case of your son--probably both which is worse!

Hugs to you! I'm sending all the good thoughts your way that I can!!!

HG

LOL, your title really caught my eye. I've had enough of teenagers in my life. My ABF's two daughters lived with us--boy, they were a handful. At the same time, I was teaching teenagers. They are a handful.

He really sounds like he's confused! I'm glad that you talked to the counselor and got the whole story. It sounds like you'll just have to not take his word on anything. Who knows what the real story is with the girlfriend. What chaos!!

It sounds like there is a lot going on which is out of your control. It's great that you are setting boundaries. What else can you do but set boundaries, and control your own actions? You certainly don't have any control over what he does.

I'm glad that he is in the rehab facility. It is great that he is getting this chance to get himself together. It's up to him how he uses this opportunity.

You know anvil - we went the pyschiatrist mode at first because i really did think he was insane when i didnt know he was using. they tried meds and they calmed him but didnt change the behavior. he was still using so we had to take him off of the prescribed meds because that's dangerous.

he was always a difficult child - very independant and rebellious. its hard to tell with this age what it is, addiction, hormones, even the diabetes itself can all affect behavior. the weird thing is if you sat down and talked to him you would intially think what a great kid. he's well spoken, always well groomed, has manners, funny - even helps with the dishes if he's invited over for dinner. there are adults who just love this kid - once they get to know him they find out he has some real problems but they love him. i think he is more a con-artist than anything - he uses his charm to pull people in and then just runs all over them without any regard.

((((Winnie))))

I've tried to adopt out Brit, here, and haven't had any takers and she's not even an addict...just a spoiled rotten almost-16-year-old. Her hormonal teenage stuff is bad enough!

I'm glad you talked to the counselor and that she backs you up. God knows, you need all the backup you can get!!!

I don't have any great advice, because you seem to be doing everything I can think of...detach, let the rehab handle him, and come here to vent and get support. You know where to find me if you need a f2f hug, okay?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Amy I'll trade my for Brit.

FREE TO GOOD HOME:
One soon to be 24 y/o.
House trained, Low maintenance, able to live for a week on canned Beefaroni. Must have ranch dressing, does NOT do salads or veggies.
Prefers pizza and hoagies

Can also take a look at younger brother...maybe big furry black PITA dog also

Dog is artistic (able to create amazing works with his paws and just a little mud)
Does his best work on carpet

Dog is not free

Must act immediately...I need my space back.

Serious inquiries only please

OOO my, never a dull moment on this board! You know with that advertisement, I am not sure your going to get any takers, but if you feel he needs a brother, I do have his twin. Winnie they are so much a like it is scary. How long has he been in rehab now? I think he still has a long ways to go, give it time. He is going to be mad at you, but he will get the point, enough is enough just like my son, they break all the rules and push all the boundaries. Wow! Now can you imagine a little winniebago in the oven? Sorry had to kid with you, only because I don't believe it to be true. I don't think a girl would break the news to him that way, even a young girl. She just wants to talk to him or see him. I sure hope they let your son know there is some girl calling here that's prego with your kid, give him something to think about. Ok here is the good news, we live in Pa. my son will not be placed with your son, so you can rest a little easier. Can you imagine these two getting together. Why do you think your son will run? Where will he go and with what? I am pretty sure he knows, he will end up in JD if he decides to run. Joey's PO is scared he will run after court, but I just don't see it, he has nowhere to go and the only time he has ever ran off was when he had drugs and a party was coming up. I know this has you down hearted Winnie, you worked so hard to get him placed and I am sure you have high (not the best word, but you know what I mean) hopes as we all do, but he is still early into this program give it time and be thankful he is clean, still a little jerk, but clean. To be honest I will be shocked if my son stays clean the first month, I really will.

I have a 20 year old we can add to the deal. Make it a 2 for 1 deal.

Ok CeCe try this one:

FREE TAKE ME HOME: Be the envy of all your friends.
One 17/year old/ Was male the last time we looked....now it's been a few years, but will answer to Joey, if his eyes are open and you can see the whites.
Very helpful, in a doormat kind of way.
Makes a wonderful model, laying on the sofa.
Can blow dry your hair with one long burp.
House trained and he knows how to conserve water, he don't flush.
Easy to wake up, just turn on a siren and watch him jump up and run to school.
Earns the highest grades available in school "F"
Loves the out doors and has his own mushroom garden. Hate yard work, he loves weeds.

Ok feel free to add here. LOL

well, heck I would offer, but it seems like we would both get the short stick.

Okay, now here's the latest on Brit....She had a sleep-over..her and 2 friends in the basement. Snuck in some boys through the basement door, who were drinking beer...SIX times, stepmom ran them off..they tried to climb in the basement windows...called her an "old b***h"..Brit let them back in.

Brit tells me, the other day she's proud of herself that she hasn't had sex in a year (remember, she's 15)..oh and BTW, she quit taking birth control pills that the dr. put her on for ovarian cysts.

She smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, requires a cell phone with unlimited texting, does home-schooling when she feels like it, stays up til 5 a.m., sleeps until 3 p.m., and if you make her angry, will call you a f'ing b***h (not me..she knows better).

Not to mention her maternal grandfather and grandmother, 2 aunts, 1 uncle, paternal grandfather, and her dad are all addicts...she is a walking genetic poster child for addiction potential.

Do you REALLY want to trade for her?

Despite it all, she is my heart, and, most of the time, she shows ME respect. I told dad I can go from absolute amazement at how much I love her, one moment, to wanting to tie her up and duct tape her mouth the next. TEENAGERS!!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

I wish I could help you more with this one winnie, but I don't have much to offer you...
So I'm just gonna give you a hug instead. :hug:
Sorry, I know it must really suck.

Geeeez, don't take her winnie, don't take Brit. LOL Just kidding Amy, I remember when my daughter was living at home, I couldn't stand her she was so defiant, no drugs just her very own pleasant personality. I use to feel so bad, because I really didn't like her at all and along came Joey........

Ok Winnie, so here's what I'm thinking. Your son is an adorable teenager, with some bad habits. However, I can't adopt him, because my addict son half near killed me already, and it sounds to me like your boy is still very young and strong, and he might just finish me off. Personally, I think that there's probably nothing wrong with your son, other than the drug epidemic that is plagueing our country and our children. He is only 16 years old, and how ever old he was when he started using drugs, is how old he really is. So, if he started getting high at 12, then mentally he is 12. Your brain stops growing maturely when you start getting high. I know that if he stops getting high, and straightens himself out that his brain will go back to normal, and he will grow up, and mature. Why is he in rehab for so long? And what is his drug of choice? I sure hope that he learns his lesson from all this. I know my son, put us all through heIl for a long time. I'm still praying that this will be the end of the road, but GOD only knows. Words mean nothing to me, actions are everything. My heart goes out to you over your son, because from one mom to another, its a very tough situation to deal with. Prayer has helped me to deal with things better. I can't carry the burden by myself. I decided to share it with GOD. Hang in there.

ABF's youngest daughter is like that. She is so personable and can charm anyone. She can walk into a place and get a job in 5 minutes. However, she won't stick with the job. She's now 20 years old. When she was 16, she had dropped out of school, and she was taking every drug known to man. She was in rehab and juvenile jail for a lot of her teenage years. It's such a shame because she is so smart, and she could do anything she wants. However, she just hangs out with her friends and boyfriend. She'll go off drugs and alcohol for awhile and get a job, but then she ends up going back.

I think the rehab was very helpful to her. She knows what she needs to do to get off drugs. She knows all about NA and AA and the 12 steps. So, hopefully someday she will quit for good.

Aw Winnie, I'm sorry you are dealing with this and it's your baby. It must be so hard. All I can say is that I have a son who is like me (and is afraid of drugs)- but he is just as 'evil' - and i have nothing to 'blame' it on!! At least if he were high, I wouldn't feel like i just simply raised a little ****!

Here's my typical day with the 16 yr old brat in my home:

He thinks he's got the essence of emeril, and cooks like a mad man while I'm at work, useing up ALL of my groceries in one night- (and there is no producers in my home cleaning up after him)-
This of course is for the girl he's sleeping with.... (i find the condom wrappers in every unimaginable place around the house when I get home)
He's failing 2 subjects at school, and wonders why I took away his xbox (his first love in life)
He stares at me like a rabbid dog when I ask him to do ANYTHING at all in this home.

and heres my favorite. After his dad 'refuses to take him anymore' because of his disrespect to his wife (my sons step mom)

And I'm ready to push him out the door.........

MY CODIE MOM has gone into FULL rescue mode ----- my son has her SNOWED that it is everyone ELSES FAULT!!!!!

For the love of god, does it end with these kids???

hugs to you 'my friend' :)
I feel your pain---- at least a little.
Love cess

(in case you haven't guessed - I'm out on the adoption thing)

He tried it first at 10 and i think it was about 12 that he got heavy into it. I liked him better when he was 10. DOC is anything he can get his hands on - he's an equal opportunity abuser. He's at rehab so long because its court ordered - he's been in and out of jail so many times over the last two years i've stopped counting. After he OD'd last fall they knew it was more than he could handle out-patient - since he's diabetic its even more dangerous for him.

MyJoey - i think he'll run because that's what he did the last time. if he cant see or talk to his friends he's going to have to face himself and i dont know if he's strong enough for that. as long as his friends are filling him up with bs he's going to keep going on like nothing is wrong. taking the friends out of the picture is going to either make him see the reality of his life or make him run. now, yet again, i've pushed the ole reality button on him. we'll see what he does. i'm not visiting this weekend - he'll be PO'd because there's two this weekend and friday night you can bring in dinner. I've got a family session scheduled for monday afternoon. Its really for me not him. I just cant go on being a patsy anymore. I'm better than I was a year ago but i've still got work to do and I dont want to feel this way anymore.

Cynical - oh my goodness that's funny - if only there was enough duct tape - a mom can dream.

Impurfect - you guys need a baseball bat over there - i'd be knocking some heads in on that one. I tell you my son's friends are petrified of me, if i say leave they run - they know i call 911 if the silliness starts. They are please/thank you/ yes maam/ no maam. they do crank call me but hey i can handle that.

Hey Cessy68, All I can say is at least your son is using condoms, I guess it could be worse if he weren't. Maybe you shouldn't allow him to have girls in the house when your not home. These kids today, just drive us nuts. What a generation.

Winnie, my heart goes out to you for your son, he is so young, and already in so much trouble with the law, and everything. Poor kid, just refuses to learn his lesson. So mentally he is 10. What a shame. The duct tape thing is a great idea. I sure wish I would have tried that with my son. I'm so tired of all the heartache. Winnie, hang in there, I think your doing the right thing by showing some tough love. If your son keeps making these poor decisions for himself, why should you run yourself ragged. Showing him you mean business, will probably be the thing that turns him around and in the right direction.

Nope, never will because my generation is damn stubborn ;)

I'm really sorry Angel, but I had to laugh at that. It's not like my generation is the only one that's ever done drugs in the history of the earth. We are not the only wild, crazy kids. We are not the only ones to unprotected sex. What about your generation? The generation before that? We all will learn eventually..

(((Winnie))))
Hope for the best...expect the worst. I'm hoping and praying he doesn't run...cause a year in rehab would be enough time for his fog to clear and for some things to start making sense. You are dealing with an 10 or 11 year old in a 16 year olds body since he was heavy into the stuff at such a young age. They say with addiction, the emotional maturity (not that the average 16 yr old boy is that mature anyway) stops when he starts using. I sure hope he gives it the time it needs, but in the meantime, I hope you can be grateful today he is in a safe place and someone else has to be on watch why you take a breather. Hugs

Sorry Cece and Joey's mom...don't think I will bid..I'll take Speedy Jason though...His writing has me convinced he'd be a great adopted son :)

I hadn't heard the thing about the maturity stopping at the age the drug abuse started but it makes things so much clearer for me when dealing with my son. I really think it has made me have a better understanding of him. Now I just pray that he will go back to his real age when he stops. He is in rehab now and due to be out in 2-3 weeks as he just finished the second major part of the rehab. But only time will tell.