I wish I could help you more with this one winnie, but I don't have much to offer you...
So I'm just gonna give you a hug instead. :hug:
Sorry, I know it must really suck.

Geeeez, don't take her winnie, don't take Brit. LOL Just kidding Amy, I remember when my daughter was living at home, I couldn't stand her she was so defiant, no drugs just her very own pleasant personality. I use to feel so bad, because I really didn't like her at all and along came Joey........

Ok Winnie, so here's what I'm thinking. Your son is an adorable teenager, with some bad habits. However, I can't adopt him, because my addict son half near killed me already, and it sounds to me like your boy is still very young and strong, and he might just finish me off. Personally, I think that there's probably nothing wrong with your son, other than the drug epidemic that is plagueing our country and our children. He is only 16 years old, and how ever old he was when he started using drugs, is how old he really is. So, if he started getting high at 12, then mentally he is 12. Your brain stops growing maturely when you start getting high. I know that if he stops getting high, and straightens himself out that his brain will go back to normal, and he will grow up, and mature. Why is he in rehab for so long? And what is his drug of choice? I sure hope that he learns his lesson from all this. I know my son, put us all through heIl for a long time. I'm still praying that this will be the end of the road, but GOD only knows. Words mean nothing to me, actions are everything. My heart goes out to you over your son, because from one mom to another, its a very tough situation to deal with. Prayer has helped me to deal with things better. I can't carry the burden by myself. I decided to share it with GOD. Hang in there.

ABF's youngest daughter is like that. She is so personable and can charm anyone. She can walk into a place and get a job in 5 minutes. However, she won't stick with the job. She's now 20 years old. When she was 16, she had dropped out of school, and she was taking every drug known to man. She was in rehab and juvenile jail for a lot of her teenage years. It's such a shame because she is so smart, and she could do anything she wants. However, she just hangs out with her friends and boyfriend. She'll go off drugs and alcohol for awhile and get a job, but then she ends up going back.

I think the rehab was very helpful to her. She knows what she needs to do to get off drugs. She knows all about NA and AA and the 12 steps. So, hopefully someday she will quit for good.

Aw Winnie, I'm sorry you are dealing with this and it's your baby. It must be so hard. All I can say is that I have a son who is like me (and is afraid of drugs)- but he is just as 'evil' - and i have nothing to 'blame' it on!! At least if he were high, I wouldn't feel like i just simply raised a little ****!

Here's my typical day with the 16 yr old brat in my home:

He thinks he's got the essence of emeril, and cooks like a mad man while I'm at work, useing up ALL of my groceries in one night- (and there is no producers in my home cleaning up after him)-
This of course is for the girl he's sleeping with.... (i find the condom wrappers in every unimaginable place around the house when I get home)
He's failing 2 subjects at school, and wonders why I took away his xbox (his first love in life)
He stares at me like a rabbid dog when I ask him to do ANYTHING at all in this home.

and heres my favorite. After his dad 'refuses to take him anymore' because of his disrespect to his wife (my sons step mom)

And I'm ready to push him out the door.........

MY CODIE MOM has gone into FULL rescue mode ----- my son has her SNOWED that it is everyone ELSES FAULT!!!!!

For the love of god, does it end with these kids???

hugs to you 'my friend' :)
I feel your pain---- at least a little.
Love cess

(in case you haven't guessed - I'm out on the adoption thing)

He tried it first at 10 and i think it was about 12 that he got heavy into it. I liked him better when he was 10. DOC is anything he can get his hands on - he's an equal opportunity abuser. He's at rehab so long because its court ordered - he's been in and out of jail so many times over the last two years i've stopped counting. After he OD'd last fall they knew it was more than he could handle out-patient - since he's diabetic its even more dangerous for him.

MyJoey - i think he'll run because that's what he did the last time. if he cant see or talk to his friends he's going to have to face himself and i dont know if he's strong enough for that. as long as his friends are filling him up with bs he's going to keep going on like nothing is wrong. taking the friends out of the picture is going to either make him see the reality of his life or make him run. now, yet again, i've pushed the ole reality button on him. we'll see what he does. i'm not visiting this weekend - he'll be PO'd because there's two this weekend and friday night you can bring in dinner. I've got a family session scheduled for monday afternoon. Its really for me not him. I just cant go on being a patsy anymore. I'm better than I was a year ago but i've still got work to do and I dont want to feel this way anymore.

Cynical - oh my goodness that's funny - if only there was enough duct tape - a mom can dream.

Impurfect - you guys need a baseball bat over there - i'd be knocking some heads in on that one. I tell you my son's friends are petrified of me, if i say leave they run - they know i call 911 if the silliness starts. They are please/thank you/ yes maam/ no maam. they do crank call me but hey i can handle that.

Hey Cessy68, All I can say is at least your son is using condoms, I guess it could be worse if he weren't. Maybe you shouldn't allow him to have girls in the house when your not home. These kids today, just drive us nuts. What a generation.

Winnie, my heart goes out to you for your son, he is so young, and already in so much trouble with the law, and everything. Poor kid, just refuses to learn his lesson. So mentally he is 10. What a shame. The duct tape thing is a great idea. I sure wish I would have tried that with my son. I'm so tired of all the heartache. Winnie, hang in there, I think your doing the right thing by showing some tough love. If your son keeps making these poor decisions for himself, why should you run yourself ragged. Showing him you mean business, will probably be the thing that turns him around and in the right direction.

Nope, never will because my generation is damn stubborn ;)

I'm really sorry Angel, but I had to laugh at that. It's not like my generation is the only one that's ever done drugs in the history of the earth. We are not the only wild, crazy kids. We are not the only ones to unprotected sex. What about your generation? The generation before that? We all will learn eventually..

(((Winnie))))
Hope for the best...expect the worst. I'm hoping and praying he doesn't run...cause a year in rehab would be enough time for his fog to clear and for some things to start making sense. You are dealing with an 10 or 11 year old in a 16 year olds body since he was heavy into the stuff at such a young age. They say with addiction, the emotional maturity (not that the average 16 yr old boy is that mature anyway) stops when he starts using. I sure hope he gives it the time it needs, but in the meantime, I hope you can be grateful today he is in a safe place and someone else has to be on watch why you take a breather. Hugs

Sorry Cece and Joey's mom...don't think I will bid..I'll take Speedy Jason though...His writing has me convinced he'd be a great adopted son :)

I hadn't heard the thing about the maturity stopping at the age the drug abuse started but it makes things so much clearer for me when dealing with my son. I really think it has made me have a better understanding of him. Now I just pray that he will go back to his real age when he stops. He is in rehab now and due to be out in 2-3 weeks as he just finished the second major part of the rehab. But only time will tell.

((Winnie)) - I totally agree about the baseball bat with Brit. Unfortunately, she does all this because stepmom will NOT discipline her (especially now that she's usually high on lortabs).

The thing with the boys would NOT have happened if I had been here (I was at work). I'm not intimidated by bad-a$$ wanna-be's and would have called the cops. That's why she does this stuff when I'm not here and dad's asleep or not here.

We talked about sex/protection, etc. At least we have a good enough relationship she does listen to me, and doesn't think of me as an "old fuddy-duddy"...I'm actually pretty cool in her eyes, because we listen to the same music, and because of my life in the 'hood when I was using. She didn't LIKE me using crack, but she knows I'm more street smart and I understand her way of thinking more than dad or stepmom. Don't know if that's a compliment or not....I can "get" the thinking of a 15-year-old:)

I hope your son doesn't run, I really do. I know he KNOWS where he will end up, but I think he is probably thinking the way I used to...."whatever...I'll just deal with it when it happens". It wasn't until it all happened, and I found out I really didn't LIKE those consequences and the after-effects that I wished I'd made better choices.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

(((Jason))) - you're right. My uncle was a heroin addict for as long as I can remember...more than 30 years. He didn't get clean until about 5 years ago? His little brother, my other uncle, died from complications of a medical emergency that he would have survived, if he didn't have hepatitis C, from shooting up heroin. Their kids are all addicts...and they're in their 30's.

I think it's just that, now there are more varieties of drugs, easier access, and with the internet, a whole lot more info about it. I'm just glad we have SR and a means of support!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

winnie, anvil made me remember something. My daughter had a huge problem with impulse control before the addiction, and her teachers often thought she might be ADD. She drove us all crazy because some days and moments were better than others.

After she found a more progressive p-doc last year, he ran a bunch of diagnostic tests on her, an EEG being one of them. She was suffering post concussive syndrome and it was from a long time ago, when she was a young girl. They don't always resolve on their own.

The part of her brain that was affected is responsible for impulse control. Her doctor said she was trouble waiting to happen and addiction was almost predictable. I got her started on neurotherapy right away, sometimes screaming and fighting because she was a dry drunk at the time. I know it was controlling on my part but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

Jason - how about we just swap? I got an empty room you can sleep in. lol
You know you're right about the generation thing. I think every generation has said "what's wrong with these kids." I grew up in the 80s and it was crazy - we were the lost generation - we had no causes except to party. The only difference I see is that we were more afraid of authority and authority had more power back then - they could search you - heck they could still spank you in school and no one would have tried to get away with using/selling in school - that was done off-campus. Drugs were harder to get back then and they werent as strong - it was alcohol that was easy to get because the laws werent as strong back then - dui and selling to minor laws were not enforced back then - especially for girls. Kinda makes you think that the whole "just say no" and other drug campaigns in school just dont work. the other difference is we didnt see the things you guys have seen in media - these lifestyles werent in our face as much as they are now.

Amy you're right, he doesnt think about consquences tomorrow - he always thinks what he is going through is the worst (victim) and doesnt think about the rest. Before all the trouble he would say he wanted out of the house no matter what - even told me to call the police and take him to jail just so he could get out. in jail, he said he'd rather be on house arrest, on house arrest he'd rather be in rehab, in rehab he'd rather be in jail. He just thinks he's unhappy because of where he is instead of realizing he's unhappy because of who he is.

Chino - that is interesting - the kid did have a lot of injuries when he was young. He was walking by 8 months old and by 10 months old was already trying to escape through windows (first floor thank goodness) - we had lots of ER trips and lots of stiches. But he has had several brain scans - the YDC and the mental hospital both did very thorough medical tests including brain and heart. He's seen a lot of specialists over the last two years. We know his drug use has caused some damage but they didnt see any old damage.

I think this is all genetics and the drugs have helped to trigger those genetics and bring them out. I think this because he is excactly like his dad - his dad abandonded him but the similarities are almost spooky. You would expect it if he was raised by this man but I didnt expect it with him being out of his life. It even freaks his uncle out who feels sometimes like he's looking at his brother's actions - we've discussed it a lot over the years not just recently. His dad was in prison by the time he was 18 and is just a vagabond now - living and doing whatever it takes to support his alcoholism. The difference is his Mom enabled him all his life and still does - I hope my son decides eventually to take another path and start to grab onto the genetics that he got from me because those are there too.

you know, I laugh about all of this but I really hurt for him. I just dont know what else i can do but try to the make the best of it and try to not let it bring me down too much. the stronger and calmer i am the more i get through to him so i have to be a rock right now. I also know that this may never end with him and i'm trying to get myself mentally prepared if he does decide to continue down this path. I can only go by who he is today and today he's pretty a pretty confused kid.

I am proud to say that 4 years ago, you TRULY, HONESTLY, COULD have sent your son my way, and I would have taken him.

Now having learned boundaries, and becoming more sane, I can say NO!

Seriously, in these parts, Mr. Moose and I are dealing with this 35 year old, who started using at 14, having had multiple head traumas over the years..and ADD, and probably sociopathic tendencies, and Narcisstic qualities.. so is the end result related to drug use? Or a mental incompacity?
Chicken/egg/chicken/egg
(hmmm I sound like a Psychiatrist...lol)

In all actuality, he is equal to a 15 year old.....maybe.

As for the possiblity of pregnancy, heaven knows we have been down that road a zillion times...mostly it happens to be untrue, or he has had the girl get an abortion...(which is not approved by me)


Hugs and hugs.......

Winnie, must be some kind of deal we can make between your 16 year old and my 22 year old...maybe we can use them for a down payment on a foreclosed house! :lmao

Keep up those boundries...as times it's very tough.Sorry for your pains and for your sons, of course he's choosing to create the chaos.

Sending best wishes and prayers for all.

I remember his first hospital trip for depression (i didnt know it was drugs then). I stood in the hall while three docs - a MD, a psychiatrist and his endocrinologist were all arguing about what was causing the depression. IS the diabetes making him depressed or is depression causing him not to take care of his diabetes, they couldnt figure out which one to treat - all in all it has to ALL be treated. the endocrinologist was getting mad because no one could understand the correlation between everything and felt like my son was in essence committing suicide by diabetes - he didnt care what caused it as long as something was done. at least now he is somewhere where all issues are treated not just one. he has a MD seeing him once or twice a week, they have a psychiatrist, and they have drug abuse therapy. its a package deal.

Our son threatened sucide when he was 14 1/2 years old. I made an appt. for him to be evaluated by a Neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic. The day they evaluated him, they kept him for 7 weeks.

NEVER during all that time did they ever drug test him.

His discharge diagnosis was "Adolescent Adjustment Disorder" seriously.
Sent him home on an antidepressant for a few weeks.


I, at the time was having a "ADULT adjustment disorder" :lmao
(I still have it....somedays...)

It was, for him, a missed opportunity.

I dont see it that way - i see it as one step in a journey. all that we have gone through is what brought us to where we are.