besides, i don't think it really matters if you prove he's a dealer. he either pulls the money out of his butt, or he goes to jail.

i know there's more to it than that, but i definately think it's worth looking into.

I emailed him this:

I recieved your phone message regarding seeing the baby and child support. I have been going over this in my mind since, God knows when, maybe since I found out I was pregnant with him. What _____ would think of me when he gets older if I don't let you see him or if I do, will he believe being a drug dealer and a drug addict is ok and follow the same path?

I have made my decision. I think it would be in xxx's best interest not to see you again. When he is old enough I will explain to him that you are a drug addict and a drug dealer and I am sure it is going to hurt him, but I will have hopefully instilled good moral values in him by then and hopefully he will understand.

I have no doubt that he will want to see you one day but he will be fully informed of what you do before he does and then you will have to answer for it yourself.

You get to keep your drug money and drug life that you love so dearly, even more than you love your own son.

There will be no need for you to have further contact with me or my family until someone comes looking for you and for an explanation of why and how you could have chosen that life over him, years down the road.


Thank you to everybody...I feel better already. He emailed me back and said "fine". It is kind of scary though...he knows alot of bad people.

yikes. I can't believe he said fine. But whatever. This would be a great time to enforce the no call backs until after 2 messages and 24 hours have passed. It might be a good idea to send all him future emails to a junk folder... you can always read them later but at least you don't have to respond immediately.

I follow these boundaries because the less contact I have with my ex, the better. Otherwise I just feel sorry for him and end up feeling guilted and manipulated into doing things I don't want to do. The less contact I have, the less energy I have to spend on my ex, and the more I can spend on my child.

Lots of good advice! Hugs and prayers to you. Welcome to SR!! Keep your baby safe and keep your ex away. The no contact order is a Godsend. If he comes around, you call the police. You can easily establish a paper-trail that will keep your ex from having anything but supervised visitation (if he even insists or pursues it). You don't have to do anything unless a court orders you to and I don't think he'll go there.

my opinion is no, don't let him in your or your sons life. Go live a long and healthy life with your child. He would only stick around for as long as HE felt like it. It's what they do.

good luck

I am going to Court. My papers are written, but the papers are messy and I do not know how to make them sound any better....hmmm I wonder if its better to let him drift?

First of all, if you give an inch to an addict, they will give it their best to take a mile. I would highly recommend enforcing that no contact order by reporting his calls to you, else there will be little validity to it in the future. It's as worthless as the paper it's on if not enforced.

I have found that I need to make my decisions based on the present, not on what 'might' be years and years down the road. Fear-based decisions have always ended up being detrimental decisions for me.

My youngest daughter is much like Winnie shared about her son. My youngest daughter has abandonment issues. However, her father has been in AA over 33 years now (not drinking, but can't call it sober), and he made the conscious choice to be pretty much non-existent in her life. He wasn't there for his first set of kids while drinking, and hasn't been there for her while active in recovery.

I too never spoke badly about him in front of her and let her come to her own conclusions as she got older, and she knew she could always talk to me.

I would also encourage you to pursue the child support regardless of what he says. My youngest daughter's father had his tax returns intercepted for several years in the beginning because he was irresponsible on paying, and it was a paltry $110 a month. He finally started paying it on a regular basis.

The only way I believe to get supervised visitation would be to tell the Court that he is a drug dealer and outline alot of his bad traits...I am about to walk up to the Courthouse and hand these papers in...I cant believe that I could get myself into this mess with a drug dealer, I am embarrassed, humiliated, etc...