((Amy))

My heart breaks for anyone living in active addiction. It's a miserable place to be. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not - your description of your home life shows all the signs of an active addiction household.

So, when our loved ones are at the worse - it is our job to be at our very best. By our very best - that means taking good, healthy recovery oriented care of YOU!! Detaching with love, healthy compassion without enabling - even with your Dad - can be good to help them see their life for what it is and still allow you to maintain some sort of a peaceful life while living in chaos.

Remember - no matter what - it is NOT your responsiblity to fix it, make it better, show them the way, get any one help, monitor pills, play the go between, mend fences, heal wounds and repair damaged feelings.

It is only Amy's job to take good care of Amy.

Step-mom's job to take care of Step-Mom.
Dad's job to take care of Dad

Detachment allows them the dignity of finding their own path & their own self-worth.

Wishing you serenity, peace & joy my friend - Know this ain't an easy path to walk - but I have faith in you & your HP - you can do it.
Love ya,
Rita

Immpurrect,

For me, I used to get very frustrated because I "got it" and was able to deal with my own problems and couldn't figure out why my sibs didn't. They are all smarter than me, why couldn't they?

Everyone here has said it very well. I just thought I'd add this bit.

Love to you,

Lenina

Amy,

You already know this but I just wanted to say you can not make anyone see they have a problem... and for codies... you cant make them face the reality of addiction of the person they love.

All I could really say is don't get swallowed up in the chaos and focus on you and only you. If others dont want to help themselves then thats on them.

hugs to you Amy

Amy, sending you hugs :ghug3

I finally accepted the "let go and let God" part. Just took a day:)

Yesterday, dad told me he's checking into filing bankruptcy. I do feel bad for him, as he has tried hard to not have to do this. I know this is also not my problem. However, I did agree to pay him $100/week in rent when I moved back home, and have not done so since the robbery on Oct. 5, until last week, because my hours were cut, at work, so drastically. I also haven't been able to pay him back money he loaned me in June, when I totaled my car, because that's the first time they cut my hours.

He's never asked for the money, as he knows I didn't have it. Anyway, he talked to a lawyer, who says they can't help him because his van (that he uses for work) is paid for by the 2nd mortgage on the house and they will take it, leaving him no way to work. I called my lawyer, who I know from my old AA group (2 hours away). He gave me a name of a bankruptcy lawyer, and said to have dad call him and tell him he referred him, and tell him of mine and his connection (AA) and he may be able to help.

So, of course, stepmom says "my nerves are shot, I need to lay down". It didn't even phase me. I've accepted that this is her way of dealing with stuff..taking pills and/or sleeping through it. Dad will actually meet most problems, head on, except when it comes to addiction or illness, then he becomes an ostrich and sticks his head in the sand.

I have my own character defects, and those are the only ones I'm responsible for. I am glad that he came to me, to talk about the bankruptcy. He values my opinion, and that means a lot to me. We even discussed him selling me the van, but they look for things like that, so it wouldn't work. The fact that he would be willing to do that, made me realize that he now trusts me 100%, and that's pretty awesome, for this recovering crack addict:)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

You are great to be concerned the least. I am a nurse and know how easy it is to set yourself up to use that crap. when it runs out, lok out.

comment on you response NICE. and sensible. take it easy an do focus on recovery which means yourself.

Amy- Nice and upbeat girl ....I love hearing the positive....now.....how are YOU?


I love ya!

Pamm, Edward and your furbabies neices
( BTW had amino((Think that is how it is spelled)) yesterday find out to marrow the sexes.....still shaking hard about!)

Amy, it's amazeing what a 'day' of thinking/rest/writing can do to soothe the soul.

Be proud of yourself for working so hard to get through YOUR own problems with addiction and recovery.

Leave that hard work up to them as well.

It must hurt like heck to feel powerless over people who SHOULD be care-takeing for you, (by the laws of nature) parents watch over and worry about children, not the other way around.

That has always been my saving grace, that I have to stay strong for my kids, so they NEVER have to worry about me.

As it is - my kids 'worry' if they see me 'sad'..... It breaks my heart. Kids at ANY age shouldn't have to have that burden.

I'm sorry that you have to walk that road. I guess it goes back to what my mom always told me. She always said that we don't choose the deck of cards that god gave us. It's our job to play the hand to the best of our ability, and that he dosen't give us anything we can't handle, or that we weren't supposed to have for his own reasons.

Hugs,
Cessy

Isn't that the truth~~~

I think we should go Hula Hoop Shopping........ I need a new one!

Good idea, ((Done)). I need to remember...I only have to deal with what's inside MY hula hoop:)

I had to laugh...stepmom came in to ask me something about getting her hair done. One of the cats (the mouthy one) "fussed" at her either because she woke him up or because she wasn't talking to him. Guess I have 3 cats in my hula hoop.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Ahh Yes, I have an 18 pd cat and a 3 pd. dog in mine as well who
NEVER shut up.........

Talk about HIGH Maintenance. omg

Amy, I am glad you are back on track:hug:
I am sorry to hear about your Dad's money troubles, though...Life can be relentless sometimes...
but so glad that he has '100% faith' in you, I appreciate what that means to you ....well earned, I'd say:)

Amy, I said I'd share what I learned from my therapist and I saw him today. The timing was perfect because my husband and daughter had another problem while I was driving home.

I walked in the door and went straight to him. Instead of saying the usual "when you're ready to deal with your issues...", I got to use the new tactic of "I know you're not ready to deal with your pain, anger, and fears but you're forcing the rest of us to deal with it and that's unacceptable."

I told him he has to own his issues if he expects our RAD and me to continue owning ours. For the next three minutes, what I said to him was almost exactly what I said to our RAD before she went to rehab.

He drug his sorry ass down the stairs and apologized. For the next hour they had a pleasant conversation one on one.

Substituting addiction or alcoholism for "pain, anger, and fears" works for just about any of us. The only thing it changes is putting it back on the person - holding up a mirror as my therapist likes to say - and helps me maintain my serenity.

I can relate to "MY nerves were pretty frazzled". That is how I feel when I have to deal with people in my circle, as they struggle with their own addictions. There is always the sense that something is about to break, that the other shoe is about to drop.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this.... you always have good things to say to me when I'm struggling but I think you know the answers. You have so much going for yourself that getting yourself wrapped up in others possible addiction problems is going to be tough on you. Take care of yourself and give your Dad the support he needs. Maybe literature on addiction, etc. If your stepmom's pain is that bad, maybe she should see a pain management doc. Nonetheless, the problem is not yours. Keep strong!! You have been all this time.