Gee guys, you are all so supportive. I can't begin to tell you how much I need this.

I came home from work and she was here. I told her once again that she broke a boundary and she disrespected me. She told me I had no right to snoop in her room. I told her when I suspected that there was either a substance or alcohol in my home she lost her privacy rights. She got in my face and said I was a piece of s--t. I'm done, I can't take anymore. She is so disrespectful, and I don't talk like that to her. Right now I am shaking. I told her that she has to get out. She is on the phone, so I don't know if she is making a plan to leave or not. I sure hope she is because I want her out.

I'm supposed to go out line dancing tonight with my friends and I don't even feel like going. I'm just so distraught over all of this. How can things be so good for so long and then the old monster that she is returns. I just don't get it.

(((Lo)))

I've come to SR a couple times, so upset and shaking, I could barely type. Just knowing that people cared about me and were sending cyber-hugs and prayers helped me a lot....I hope it helps you, too, 'cause we're all right there with you!

She is probably thinking she will talk you out of your decision. She'll leave...just stand your ground.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Boy, way to go Anvil's mom. I know how hurt she must have been. I think it hurts us moms more than them. It's just that I have been so good to that girl, you have no idea.
Everyone always tells her how awesome her mom is. Will she ever learn before I die. Sometime I think the only time she will straighten up is when I am gone. I have 3 children and none of them has ever done to me what she has done. None of them has ever talked to me the way she has. She has absolutely no regard for me. Part of me hates her. I hate what she has become.

Impurrfect,
Thank you for being here for me. I am a mixed bag of emotions. At first I was so mad I just wanted to punch her. Now I am shakey and I can feel the tears starting to come.
I think she pushed me over the edge when she got in my face and called me a piece of s--t. I never called her a name, I didn't punch her, but I did yell at her to get out of my house. I have a really bad headache. At my age I just want peace.

This is exactly why you did the right thing.

This is why she should not be around you.

It's hard, very hard to learn how not let others affect us, our feelings.

But one thing we can do on our journey to learning, is decide who and
what we will accept in our life, and what we will tolerate.

I've learned it's up to me to live my best life, and that includes surrounding myself by people who are good for me, healthy people.

I know all about leaving behind family members I love, that's why I moved far far away, lol....

You have the right to be happy and healthy, and not let others bring you down.
Demand Respect from people... :Val004: Especially your own kids..

Your doing the right: thing!

And GO LINE DANCING TONIGHT! :Dance7:

You'll feel so much better!

(((Lo)))

And you DESERVE peace!! I know of the 2 times I've come to SR shaking and crying, it was a mixture of anger, hurt, fear...pretty much every emotion you can think of at one time. Just imagine your own little army standing behind you....sounds silly, but darned if it doesn't help me when I need a little extra support!

Look how good you have been to her and she still calls you names and disrespects you. In other words, you have no power over how she will act towards you. At Christmas time my daughter and I were getting along fine and when she did not contact me for 6 weeks after that I contacted her. She told me that she did not think that we were getting along. Now I had bent over backwards to be a great mom during the holidays. That was when it hit me that how I acted towards her had nothing to do with how she acted towards me. Maybe that works with normal people, but it don't mean sh*t to addicts:) So I realized that I needed to get on with the process of grieving what was no more and finally take that final step of letting go. It hurts me to see my daughter, it hurts me to not see her. It hurts me to talk to my daughter, it hurts me not to. I just had to realize which way hurt the most. And I think that you are starting to see that trying to stand in their way when they are hellbent on destruction does not work. But you had to try and that is okay. Now start taking care of you and let her have the dignity to do the same. Hugs, Marle

p.s. I think sometimes we hold on past the time we should let go because we are so afraid that letting go will mean never seeing them again. We accept bad behavior because it is better than no behavior.

Done,
I do know that she should not be around me. I don't think it will ever work with us. Like Anvil said we are too intertwined. As much as I hate her right now, that's how much I love her. It is too hard for me to watch her lifestyle. I don't agree with it, and that is why she can't live her anymore.

I'm thinking about going out with with the girls tonight.

Anvil, what a testimony. Sometimes that is what it takes for us to open our eyes. I guess some mother/daughter's never get it right. Especially when there is addiction involved. Saying that I don't think it can ever be right. I always wished I had the daughter that would do the movie and lunch. Maybe swap recipes and decorating ideas.
That relationship is only in my dreams. Sad but true.

A friend of hers just picked her up. I know him and he is straight. I think she just wanted to talk with someone. She said she is trying to figure out what to do and where to go. I told her is she plans on drinking tonight while she is out not to bother coming back because she will not be allowed in. If she needs a day or two to make a plan I will give her that but she cannot drink or use during that time as long as she is still here.

Okay, Lo, now get ready to go out with your friends. You've had a very stressful day, and you deserve some "me" time. Go out, kick your heels up and have fun...it's not only allowed, it's recommended. It doesn't mean you don't love Jen, it just means you love her enough to find her own way.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Marle, No, I never know when she will turn on me. That is why it is so hard for us to be together. I refuse to walk on eggshells in my own home. Right now I feel like I hate her so much that I don't care where she ends up. After I have been so good to her and that is all I get. That's bull. Same as Megan, just when you thought that you would try to have somewhat of a relationship even under the circumstances and what did you get.
They are so ungrateful. Do you think they will ever appreciate us?

Impurrfect,
Just called my friend, it's a plan.....going out to do some some boot scootin'. The music always heals my soul.

When she was going out the door, I said, "I don't think you'll ever be right until I am completely out of your life". She said, "I know that's true, because then you'll stop telling me what to do".

Funny thing is she never does anything that I tell her to do. I might as well be talking to the wall.

I'm glad you're going out. I know music can always cheer me up. So, just for a few hours, enjoy yourself.

As far as being grateful, I know that when I was using, I took my family's love for granted. With recovery, I am very grateful. Whether she learns gratitude is another thing that's on her. YOU know you've done the best you can do...just like Marle and the other moms on here have done.

Just remember...Jen doesn't use to hurt you, she doesn't use because of anything you did wrong, she uses in spite of everything you did right (same for the rest of the moms here and their kids). As much as you love them, you just don't have the power to make them use.

Now....go have fun!

(((((((Lobo)))))))


Sending you prayers and a big mom to mom hug.
Even when we think they're doing better and they seem to
actually be "getting it", the monster (addiction) calls them back.
I've been there. Heck, I could be there tomorrow. Hence the saying...
One day at a time.
My son has been seeing a doctor and is taking lithium for bi-polar disorder.
This he found out on his own by explaining his symptoms to a "family" physician. Not a psychiatrist, like I told him to go see. That burns my butt that he's letting a general practitioner diagnose him bi-polar. He needs counseling and therapy. What do I know?
Yesterday, he called me at work, crying. Said he couldn't take the job he had for a week. Too much stress and it was causing anxiety attacks.
I give up. He needs professional help and swears he can't get that kind of help with no insurance. Says he's tried to get a medical card twice before and both times they refuse the medical card, but gave him food stamps for a month. Wtf? All I want is for him to feel normal without abusing drugs and alcohol. I think things are heading a bad way for him.
I'm with you. This sucks! I'm glad he's in the boonies and I'm in the city.
If he were here, I think I would let him suck me right down with him.
I'll pray for strength and perseverance for us both, 'k?
Love to you,
Linda
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j2...go_let_god.jpg

p.s. it took forever for me to be able to update and say how well i feel he's been doing. jumped the gun again, i guess. i think i'll just keep my mouth shut on his progess or spiral downward from now on.

Sometimes that is what it takes for us to open our eyes. I guess some mother/daughter's never get it right. Especially when there is addiction involved. Saying that I don't think it can ever be right. I always wished I had the daughter that would do the movie and lunch. Maybe swap recipes and decorating ideas.
That relationship is only in my dreams. Sad but true.

Sorry Lo, I am so sorry. Please call if you want to talk. I feel your pain.
susan
:ghug3

Lobo...Hope you are out with your friends and not in your head. So many wise words here...I can add nothing but any support, encouragement, hugs and love you need. :hug:

Wow. Missed this yesterday, but I'm fairly convinced that the ex is bipolar. About 18 months ago, I finally had that flash, the key to why I was so terribly attracted to her, she acted just like my bipolar alcoholic mother. Felt like driving off the bridge, quit drinking and went back to AA instead.


And she has never sought professional help, when her Mom tried to get her into rehab as a 16 year old she refused to talk to the intake people, they sent her away. When I broached the subject she said she 'wouldn't takes meds for the rest of her life' she prefers to self-medicate.

And the way she acts, best described on my end, when I'm with her I feel like I'm in a fog. I never know where she's coming from, non-stop projection, denial, avoidance. One of the worst things, the realization that if she doesn't get help, her 6 year old son is going to be JUST LIKE ME when he grows up. This sucks so much.