Darn it all
 

Hi all,
Well, being the fool that I am, (I know better)....I decided to call oldest AS, to see what he did last evening. Since I haven't heard anything from him for 3 days, since I gave him the NO MONEY, I love you, you'll work this out speech.

Duh, big mistake, he's most likely back on cocaine, and that's the real story of where his $750.00 went. Because he's back to his verbally abusive, lovely self, not returning to California (no money to eat while getting there) and he says we love his brother more. (such low self esteem, this one)

Well that wraps up a wonderful start for the New Year.

And to tell the honest to H.P. truth, I am sort of, kind of losing hope with this one. He's 34, and heaven knows he's at the point of jail or death.
I know he'll be going back to jail when he goes to court for discussing selling over the phone, so....

Meanwhile, me and Mr. Moose, health willing, will be leaving for Florida on the 29th, gosh, I'll really miss all this drama...while lying in the sun...:wink3:

I'm sorry Moose~~heck of a start to the new year huh?

hey if i squish up real little can jump in a suitcase and go to florida with ya'll???:)

In one way it is a very good start for the new year.
He is bringing himself one step closer to his bottom and once there...he will find real solutions. Life happens a step at a time.
Enjoy the beach and know that the Lord will watch over him.

I'm sorry Moose.
Florida sounds REALLY good about now huh?
(((Hugs)))
Cece

Thanks all.
No matter the length of time, or the amount of recovery I have, it still pains me when he falls for approximately the 30th time.

(This time we are seriously considering taking out life insurance on him...sad, but reality...)

I completely understand Moose.
I have feared enough for my son to consider life insurance. And then I feel so damn guilty for even allowing myself to think of something such as that.

Then, I add to the guilt by wondering how my son would feel if he knew that I was trying to learn to "accept" what could happen.

I'm afraid I'm not in a place yet that allows me to comfortably go there.

But that doesn't change the reality of the situation.

Big Mom (((Hugs)))
Cece

******{Moose}}}}

(oh...Miss Done...we're thinking of heading out YOUR way next year....)


:a194:

(((moose)))

I'm sorry ... I was really rooting for your boy, but it seems he's just not done yet. There's always hope though and I'm sending some extra hugs and prayers :hug:

(((Moose))) I don't think we ever get used to relapse and the possibilities that go along with it.

Both your boys are in my prayers each day and I just know that his HP is way ahead of both of us on this son.

If you feel a need to pine on the beach, maybe just feel sad for this Canadian Codie who is tired of winter already. You have, however, inspired me toward retiring with winters in the south. It's top of our wish list.

Hugs and Cheesecake (cheesecake always helps).

(((Moose)))

I'm so sorry...and I fully understand about your pain.

But, I don't think it's a reflection on your recovery, Moose. It's natural to feel pain when you hurt for your children. Our recovery, though, is about holding our boundaries, placing them in G*D's hands and knowing that we didn't cause it; we can't control it and we can't change.

It does seem as if you have learned to cope with it, though. So, your recovery is shinning from where I sit. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're human, and you love your son. Loving him causes that hurt. But, you're still living your life, dispite it all. Yes, you're a model for all of us, and I'm grateful to walk along side you on this journey of recovery. :hug:

About the insurance...my son recently asked me if I'd ever taken a policy out on him. When I said "no," he was quite angry with me! Honestly, I never even thought of it! But, his thinking was that I should have. He had so many OD's, and, as you know, even died once, only to be retrieved by the EMT's. He thought I was completely crazy not to have one. Even, he said, if it was just for the amount to bury him. :(

I still do not. He's been clean since April (?) I think. I just can't bring myself to do it. I know if he relapses, that, statistically, it is the most probable and dangerous time for an addict to die. So, if I went totally by logic, I would have a policy on him, given his history. But, I don't. I'm not saying whether you should or not; just sharing what he said to me, and my behaviors, for what it's worth.

Be good to yourself, Moose. You're worth it...
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Mr Moose, and both your boys... :ghug3

WHat part of FL are you headed to?

Shalom!

(moose)

DOGGONE it. But, your recovery is shining thru all of this. There was a time you might not have gone ahead with your vacation if you thought your son was in trouble. It says a lot that you're still going! (can I come too?)

Big hugs,
Cats

PS. If I was closer I'd come and kick him right in the shins. I know it wouldn't do anything to propel him into recovery, but it would certainly make me (and maybe you) feel better!

((((((((Moose))))))))

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j2...keCAF7VWDR.jpg

Ann's right. The more cheesecake, the better.
Sending you warm hugs, lots of prayers, support, and love from
one mom to another. I know this is difficult. Try to keep the focus
on you, Mr. Moose, and your trip.
Much love,
Linda


http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j2...cheesecake.gifIf that were only true.

(((((Moose))))))

Aw, I am so sorry but in my gut, when I read about him having his money stolen, I felt that something felt very wrong. I was praying otherwise...

I am enjoying AD while she seems to have changed for the better but I know it could change if SHE decided it is going to. I have no guarantees so I am always keeping my wits about me.

Florida sounds like a nice place to thaw out your troubles or better yet, leave them behind and try a clean slate. You know you'll always have your toolkit with you anyway.

I hate to say it but I've had minimum life insurance on my kids since they were babies. I took out baby policies and have just kept them since they are so cheap. It's insurance and guarantees that there will always be enough money to do right by them. My SD thinks it's morbid but that's ok. Like I told her, I hope I never have to use it for them but at least while I am alive, I will keep it.

I'm sorry for mostly for your son; what a waste for these, otherwise, great people. Addiction wins another round but hopefully not the complete fight!

Hugs,
Marteen

Sorry I'm late... but got a BIIIGGGG Hug for ya to start the new year:

((((((((((HHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGG!!!!)))))))) )))


You know, when I look around the office, those 34 year olds are just BABIES.... they haven't even started to live. Your son has time... lots of time.

And, the night before my daughter got clean, she had a horrible relapse... her eyes were so empty...she seemed dead to me. I had no idea what was in front of her... I THOUGHT I knew, but I didn't. I had no idea she was stepping out into her last meth run. I had no idea she was nearly done.

We can't know the future. That's a good thing. And you, Dear Moose, have been a great example to me of living in the present.

May the year only get better.... (((Mooselips)))

hugs and prayers to you and yours. I hope you have a good getaway in florida. i have been loooking on line today for cheap flights to ANYWHERE but the midwest! I'm sick of winter too. Of course, i don't have the money or time, but why should that hold me back?lol! Anyway, as always take care of yourself, as you are already doing and know that your words and example have helped so many of us.
krhea

i am so sorry about this. i know the pain you are in that recovery can not completely take away. we just have to put on our tool belt & keep taking care of ourselves. my prayers are for your sons,both of them & you & mr. moose. go to fla. & enjoy yourself, there is nothing you can change. big hugs, hope

Moose,

Can't tell you how many times I've looked at the phone and thought, "Yeah, I'll call. Nah, maybe not. Well, sure, it will be okay. Uh, you know you shouldn't call, Hangin'"...and on and on it's gone. I can identify with picking up that phone and calling. And I can identify with not finding what I had hoped for on the other end.

I'm sorry your AS just hasn't been able to hit his bottom yet. But just like Best and Big Sis said, we don't know the future. I'm praying that his time for it to finally click will be soon.

And in the meantime, here's to being thankful for every bit of recovery you have. And for the opportunity for you and Mr. Moose to go south knowing that your son's HP is watching over him no matter where he is or where you are.

Sending warms thoughts and hugs. Won't be long before you'll be working on your winter tan. :rinse: I'm trying not to be jealous! :wink:

Hangin' In