(((jewelz)))

Sweetie, I hope your new hairstyle will help you feel a little better...You sound so drained. All I can think is get a good sleep and things will be easier to tackle a step at a time tomorrow. Wish i could just give you a real big hug in person and let you know everything will be okay.

I know you know the drill...I know you know what you can take and what you can't. Cece and i were just talking about this recently...what happens if you want someone to leave and they won't but they have not done anything where the law would make them leave.

I know you have the strength and wisdom to figure out a plan if you need one. I know that you have the ability to let go and ask your higher power to help you through this. I am asking the same for you. Hugs and many prayers for all of you.

I often asked why can't my AH husband leave instead of me. I left and everytime came back. He knew that would happen because he has recently told me so. I have finally decided to stay but am presently forging forward with a divorce. Whereever that leads either one of us is up to the courts. Let's just say I have already left this marriage emotionally and spiritually. Until you are ready to leave this relationship for good you will always be together wherever you or he live.

Jewelz,
Take the time to figure out what you want. I can not judge you or anyone else here, for the simple reason we all love our addict. If the house is in your name only, call the police and find out if you can have him removed since you are afraid of him and his mood swings. That might help get him out. Not really sure if it would help or not, but if you want him out it might help you.
I will keep you in my prayers. Please take care of yourself, and don't let yourself get sick from this. I'm glad that you did something for you today, that is a sign that you are working on you,
Hugs

(((Jewelz)))

No judgement, just lots of hugs. We each do what we do at our own pace and when it feels like the time is right and we are ready, and not a moment before.

You'll be okay, you'll get there, and when you do you will be ready.

Hugs

Jewelz, Sending mega hugs. Take care of yourself and your children. Marle

Hi Jewelz,
My home too, had become a place I dreaded and feared. I just couldn't live like that any more either.

No need to kick yourself for what you're doing, or what you've done.
You will do exactly what you need to do when you are good and ready, not before.

(((((((( jewelz))))) just to let you know i care. there is alot of advise ahead of me. sending prayers,

Thank you to everyone that posted. I am reading all that you wrote and I am taking it in.


Thanks,
Jewel

((((hugs))))

I know the feeling you speak of all too well. I felt those feelings about a year ago, after almost 25 years with my exah. I had felt them before to some extent, but never to the same intensity as last year. I really felt like I would die if I didn't make some changes in my life.

He wouldn't leave, either. Always threatened to but never would when it came right down to it. I had to take legal action in the form of filing for divorce and getting an order of protection to get him out of here. That was almost six months ago.

If you can, get some legal advice as to your options. Try to come up with some sort of plan, and then just start working at it a little bit at a time. The strength will come.

We are always here for you! Sending much love and many prayers your way....

I'll post a blast from the past:

You hold the key to your future in the palm of your hand, he doesn't, never has.

You can continue to tightly grasp the key, or, you can choose to open you hand, put the key into a new door, and, walk through the door....this is your choice...

As ever, in your corner.

Dolly

Jewelz, my AS is 36 and I've seen over time how the progression as addiction takes
its course. It's simply horrible. I reached my bottom when he was much younger
and can look back with gratitude for "getting it" when I was in pain. What I got was
I knew I had to surrender him to God and leave him live his own life as I was not meant to live in codependent pain.
It was hard, yes. It hurt, yes. And it's one of the very best things I have done in
my life. Life is the most precious gift any of us have.

As duet says the strength will come. In my life experience I've found I've felt the least strong, lost, miserable, sad, bereft just before the grace of strength and hope uphold me once again. With time this grace has never eluded me.

Whenever one door closes, another opens.
Take good care of yourself and children. Hope you've had some deep restful sleep.
Hugs

Hi Jewelz
 

You know Jewelz we've all been here a long time and know how difficult a road it can be at times. You should know us all better than to think we would ever judge you or anyone for that matter. How can we judge you? It isn't our place to judge. We all do what we feel we have to do, when we have to do it.

As far as asking him to leave is concerned, I, for one, know how difficult it is to do that. Perhaps you can start making a plan for yourself to get out. You know, just solve one problem at a time. First a safe place to go, then when to make the move.

You need to feel safe, Jewelz, as this is no way to live. Therefore, forget all material things, just find a safe place to be. Once you're away from the chaos you'll be able to think clearly. I promise things will start to make sense to you again.

I'm truly worried about you. Please just walk through that door even if it means leaving everything except your "hunderware" (as Mr. Dev refers to it) behind.

You'll see, Jewelz, you will be fine. Just take that first step.

Please keep us posted. I'm worried about you.

Hugs, Devastated

Glad to hear from you Jewelz... it's been a while since I have seen you around.
I have no good advice other than listen to what your heart tells you. Listen to it closely, and keep standing strong. We are all here for you!

Thank you all for your responses I am sorry I can't reply to everyone but please no each one of your messages have given me hope, enlightened me, and showed me how much I am cared for. This week hasn't been a good one but it's almost over. I was on vacation this week so I guess being home and dealing with him more than I normally do showed me some reality. I am tired so tired mentally and physically but I know I have to get through this. How am I going to get him to leave I still have no clue to be honest. I guess I have to take baby steps thats all. Funny he was driving me mad all week but as soon as I posted this post it's been quiet at home. I basically have been ignoring him. He came home yesterday and actually didn't get high I could tell and had money on him. I guess he was probably thinking that I should be happy.... I still told him I couldn't stand his behind when he bothered me.

Today will be a long day for me I am supposed to bring my daughter to her grandparents home. It will be hard for me because for ten years they were my family. It's going to be likke I am visiting ghost or it will feel like ghost are in my heart. I tried to think of any reason not to make the trip but everything sounded lame. I will have to be strong to see them.... I still love them very much. They will have no idea the turmoil in my heart when I visit.

Jewel

((jewelz))

That is such a wonderful thing that you are doing with the grandparents. You have my utmost respect for the fact that as hard as it is on you, you are still doing it. God Bless your soul.

I too am worried about you, I don't care if you stay with him, or work it out. I care about you. I want to hear you laugh again. I want to see you be silly and play again. I want miricles to happen for you.

Hugs and Prayers
B

Jewel, I'm sorry it will be so hard for you to open that world again, but I suspect the visit will be a good one too...They know how you love them and I hope that they will shower some of the love they feel back to you and the day will be pleasant rather than difficult. But regardless, it is so special and precious that you are doing this for your daughter and her grandparents.

I think one of the most damaging things living with addiction does is robs us of a feeling of selfworth and self love. Whenever you feel alone, please come back and post here and read the responses you receive. We love you Jewelz, we truly do and we see all that you are having a tough time seeing about yourself right now. You deserve to be loved, you are beautiful inside and out and you have a caring, loving heart and soul. You ARE special Jewelz and you deserve happiness, love and peace. Never forget that! Hugs and prayers.

Well I was a nervous wreck when I got there my hands were shaking. My daughters aunt said stop being silly your with us. It was kinda starnge having my son there also he was running around and my daughters granddad was playing with him. Everything was so sweet. I was glad I went afterwards and so relieved. Thanks again!

" Everything was so sweet "
So glad you had that time with family. You deserve loads of special times, love, kindness and joy always. Your name says it all! You are a precious Jewel (z) We really care about you.
Big Hugs