Just wanted to share...
 

I was watching A&E last night "Intervention". And something one of the drug counselors said struck me as being really smart and insightful.

He said that realistically speaking if it was soley up to a drug addict, s/he couldn't be a successul active addict. It takes enablers to help an addict remain an addict. Addicts must have an enabler(s) to constantly bail them out, give them money, provide a place to stay etc. for them to remain in active addiction. They cannot do it alone because technically they don't have the mental or financial capacity to be successful at it. Almost like enablers are the brains behind the operation and the addict reaps the "benefits". That's why it's so important for the loved ones of an addict to cut all ties, close all doors and enforce boundaries for an addict to feel that s/he has ran out of resources to sustain the habit, hence have hit rock bottom because there's no one to turn to and realize that recovery is the best option.

I like that answer; that works a lot for me. Perhaps this is one of the things they teach in Al-non. . .Just wanted to share.

Thanks for the post. I needed to hear I was doing something right.

How true. No matter how many times I hear something like this, it makes me realize I did the right thing with my son. I will continue on not enabling him any more.

thanks for the post. that is exactly what i try to pratice everyday with my son. i do not want to help love him to death.

Yes, me too, an enabler from way back, I have to force myself to keep my boundaries. It seems the opposite of what we think a good mom is or a good christian. But as always, life is a lot more complex than when we first become a mom and hold that little babe in our arms or when we first become Christians. We are not the same person. We change, learn and grow. And often the dream is just that...a dream, not reality.
krhea

That is such a neat way of wording it... I knew that the best way to help an addict was to not help them, and to put that energy into helping yourself, but I hadn't really thought about the fact that if every one of their enablers stop enabling, they will have to stop at some point. Thanks for sharing:)

Sad thing is my daughter has more than one enabler. She moves from one to the other. If we as parents stop they go onto a old friend, etc. Ultimately it becomes her decision to change whether she has an enabler or not. I'm just not going to be the one to make it easy for her not to change.

There's the rub ~ if our addicts have other enablers to fall back on, their chances to hit bottom get a lot slimmer. I know my XAH is also the King of the Manipulaters,and is able to suck people in for quite a while before they even realize he's got a problem.
But it's important for our recovery that we break the cycle at our end. We can only hope that the other enablers our addicts turn to eventually detach, and that our A's come to a place in their lives where they're ready to deal with the reality of their addiction.

My RAH used crack for 20 years because he kept finding people to bail him out and enable. It wasn't until all the doors were closed that he finally put himself into recovery. His family continued to love him but it was at a distance. He'll be the first one to tell loved ones of an addict to "stand back - you're only helping them kill themselves if you support them in active addiction". Helping to get into treatment is another story. It's so hard though to step back - especially if you are a parent.

It is hearing this message from ADDICTS that helped me so much. By attending AA and open NA meetings, I heard this over and over again - gratitude to the ones who finally said "no".

Those meetings give me a lot of hope - I urge anyone who has not attended an open AA or open NA meeting to give one a try - especially if it is a speaker meeting.

Thanks for this post - very helpful!