Just wanted to share...

Old 08-11-2007, 01:04 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
 
newblue82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Just wanted to share...

I was watching A&E last night "Intervention". And something one of the drug counselors said struck me as being really smart and insightful.

He said that realistically speaking if it was soley up to a drug addict, s/he couldn't be a successul active addict. It takes enablers to help an addict remain an addict. Addicts must have an enabler(s) to constantly bail them out, give them money, provide a place to stay etc. for them to remain in active addiction. They cannot do it alone because technically they don't have the mental or financial capacity to be successful at it. Almost like enablers are the brains behind the operation and the addict reaps the "benefits". That's why it's so important for the loved ones of an addict to cut all ties, close all doors and enforce boundaries for an addict to feel that s/he has ran out of resources to sustain the habit, hence have hit rock bottom because there's no one to turn to and realize that recovery is the best option.

I like that answer; that works a lot for me. Perhaps this is one of the things they teach in Al-non. . .Just wanted to share.
newblue82 is offline  
Old 08-11-2007, 01:21 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Thanks for the post. I needed to hear I was doing something right.
caileesnana is offline  
Old 08-11-2007, 01:44 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Power is not having to respond
 
Wascally Wabbit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
How true. No matter how many times I hear something like this, it makes me realize I did the right thing with my son. I will continue on not enabling him any more.
Wascally Wabbit is offline  
Old 08-11-2007, 01:52 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
hope213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
thanks for the post. that is exactly what i try to pratice everyday with my son. i do not want to help love him to death.
hope213 is offline  
Old 08-11-2007, 02:42 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
krhea75
 
krhea75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Yes, me too, an enabler from way back, I have to force myself to keep my boundaries. It seems the opposite of what we think a good mom is or a good christian. But as always, life is a lot more complex than when we first become a mom and hold that little babe in our arms or when we first become Christians. We are not the same person. We change, learn and grow. And often the dream is just that...a dream, not reality.
krhea
krhea75 is offline  
Old 08-11-2007, 09:57 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
ladyamalthea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
That is such a neat way of wording it... I knew that the best way to help an addict was to not help them, and to put that energy into helping yourself, but I hadn't really thought about the fact that if every one of their enablers stop enabling, they will have to stop at some point. Thanks for sharing
ladyamalthea is offline  
Old 08-12-2007, 10:50 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Sad thing is my daughter has more than one enabler. She moves from one to the other. If we as parents stop they go onto a old friend, etc. Ultimately it becomes her decision to change whether she has an enabler or not. I'm just not going to be the one to make it easy for her not to change.
Lobo is offline  
Old 08-12-2007, 02:51 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
There's the rub ~ if our addicts have other enablers to fall back on, their chances to hit bottom get a lot slimmer. I know my XAH is also the King of the Manipulaters,and is able to suck people in for quite a while before they even realize he's got a problem.
But it's important for our recovery that we break the cycle at our end. We can only hope that the other enablers our addicts turn to eventually detach, and that our A's come to a place in their lives where they're ready to deal with the reality of their addiction.
guineapigjude is offline  
Old 08-12-2007, 05:43 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
lightseeker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
My RAH used crack for 20 years because he kept finding people to bail him out and enable. It wasn't until all the doors were closed that he finally put himself into recovery. His family continued to love him but it was at a distance. He'll be the first one to tell loved ones of an addict to "stand back - you're only helping them kill themselves if you support them in active addiction". Helping to get into treatment is another story. It's so hard though to step back - especially if you are a parent.
lightseeker is offline  
Old 08-13-2007, 06:27 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
On a tear
 
BigSis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
It is hearing this message from ADDICTS that helped me so much. By attending AA and open NA meetings, I heard this over and over again - gratitude to the ones who finally said "no".

Those meetings give me a lot of hope - I urge anyone who has not attended an open AA or open NA meeting to give one a try - especially if it is a speaker meeting.

Thanks for this post - very helpful!
BigSis is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:45 AM.