We have all said many times what we think….It is now time for you to either take the bull by the horns and do something about your situation or resign yourself to this is how your life is going to be……it takes courage and a leap of faith to leave the familiar and jump into the unknown….I stayed way too long, because of fear….fear of retaliation from my X, fear that I could not make it alone, fear that I would spend the rest of my life alone and poor….all of these things paralyzed me until I finally realized that if I had to live in one room with my kids it would be worth it….to be able to live in peace, to not have for my children a male role model that was an abusive alcoholic/addict……

I am much older than the majority of you and I can tell you that it was not easier back then…..there were no welfare, childcare, Medicaid, food stamps to help….you were completely on your own….jobs for women were few and far between, except in the service industry….and if you were lucky enough to find a decent job, your wages were far below your male counterparts……I trained many men who came in making much more than I ever did…….

I am not saying you should live in poverty…..but I can tell you I did….I had to live in places that I could reach my job by public transportation, a car was out of the question……I walked my kids to daycare and then walked to catch a bus……I am glad that you can afford therapy, however such a luxury was unheard of in my day….as were many other things that most take for granted today.....I thought when I could afford a telephone that was really an accomplishment…….well enough about me and I am not saying any of this for pity or praise….only to let you know that the choice is yours, others have done it and you can too…….he does not define who you are, you do…..Stagnation is often a sign that great changes are on the horizon. Courting the change you wish to see in yourself and in your life is a matter of acknowledging that only change begets change. The results you so ardently want to realize are well within the realm of possibility, and you need only step away from the well-worn circular path to explore the untried paths that lie beyond it.

Honey, go for it....you are worth it......

Peace and

It is really hard for an addict to stay sober. I know for some, like my ex, it would have most likely meant that he would have to stay in a program and it would be a lifetime struggle. He wanted so much to be "normal" like he was before crack. I don't know if I could fight it. I know he didn't want to end up losing his family. What I am saying is that until he runs into something that causes him more pain than quitting he will continue on his path.

You sound as if you are at a low point right now. I am glad that you are reaching out for help. You will know when you cannot live like this any longer-not one more minute. (When whatever is in the future, isn't any more scarey than what you and your kids are going through right now). I, like many others, wish you could take all the advice and spare youself a lot of pain. Unfortunately, it dosen't work that way.

Right now his addiction is taking you down too, not just him. Your children are gonna need at least one of you!

I hope you get out this weekend and do something fun with your kids.....baby steps!
Hang in there...Michelle