Cece, I really relate to this. I've had so many blessings and opportunities in my work. This year I was asked to head up a national committee. We meet primarily by conference calls and have challenging charges and short time frames. I've been trying to solicit volunteers to head up subgroups, set timelines and follow up. I told a peer I really respect that I can be a real nag if I have to be. She said, we know, but you do it so pleasantly that we don't mind. That warmed my heart and I try to remember it when I don't feel so pleasant. Say what I mean, mean what I say, but don't say it mean has to apply to all aspects of my life...ever the challenge!

Looking into my mirror
 

Well, I sometimes am able to see that person I don't like as a mirror of myself. He is mirroring some aspect of myself that I don't like. In fact, I dont like that aspect of myself so much that I am unwilling to look at it. I have pushed it into my subconscious (swept it under the rug and am pretending it's not there. )And I project it outside of myself onto others...I attract others to me who show me what I have been avoiding.

But, sometimes, I have to go ahead and write that guy a letter and really spill my feelings onto the page. "I hate this about you. And I hate that about you. And here's how you are really screwed up. And you should.... " Etc.

But I don't send it. Instead I read it to myself and allow that I am like that in certain ways. Then I forgive myself and try to understand why I do that. I see myself with compassion. I allow myself to see a better way.

And then there are the times when I know I should be doing all of the above, but instead, I turn to my "complaining partner." We play "Aren't they awful" together. And I just unload. Not healthy, but there I am.

The last one is really an indication of an incomplete process of identifying what I dont like about myself, or seeing my self with compassion. Or understanding something more. So ideally I'd go back and dig deeper into understsnding and forgiving myself. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't do this.

Or I can take it to my HP and see what evolves. But conceptually anyways, I know that rotten guy is a cooperative component to my own healing.