Well Blackrose I will wade in with my 2 cents. No one has to agree.

NOT YOUR FAULT. NOT your fault your Ex Relapsed. NOT your fault this kids Father is who he is. NOT YOUR FAULT.

Every action has a consequence. He has decided you do not deserve respect? Fine. He is 18. The door is right there.. don't let it hit him in tthe @$$ on the way out.

Is that tough? YES. Probably harder on you than on him.

If he asks what he can do so that doesn't happen? Tell him NOTHING. He is 18. He needs a job and a place to live. He best figure out both and, BTW, he will find out he had a good deal with you. Tell him you love him but you cannot live with him and he cannot live with you anymore.

THEN (the hard part) STICK TO IT NO MATTER WHAT.

Love does not meaning putting up with abuse. Even a dog.. loyal as they are.. will not come near its owner if it is abused often and badly.

Lynne, this part of your post spoke volumes to me. Maybe you could share these feelings with your son. And let him know sometimes we all make bad choices we regret. And even though we are sorry for those choices, we have to live and learn from them.

Lynne,
(cece took my bad apple line) but I'll say it again, don't let one bad apple decide what is real in your life.

I tell myself that I wasn't the best mom while my kids were growing up, but you know what? I did the best I could with what I had at the time.

Time goes on, as some people say it's time for him to poop or get off the pot. At 18, he's probably still somewhat immature, but you deserve respect from your child, as all of us parents do.

I say, stand up for yourself, stop the guilt you have right now, this very minute, and tell him he either contributes to the household and treats you with respect, or he's out on his ear.

Don't buy into what others think, heaven knows they haven't walked in OUR shoes....

Hugs yo you,

All I know is that when I stopped blaming everyone else for the bad choices and bad events of my life I was very very very scared because now it was all up to me. Once I decided to stop being in effect of people around me, I slowly started being able to take control of my life. It has taken me two years to appreciate what that menas, and how much gratitude I actually have for taking control. My only problem now I sometimes think it is my good decision making, and my fantastic self that has made recovery so good for me. But luckily my HP is forgiving and sends me reminders that the Glory is in fact theirs.

My point is that the circumstances are not relevant. Each one of us is responsible for what we do with them. Reading Victor Frankl made this clear top me