My addiction
 

I am realizing that I am addicted to my addict.
To this man - whom many of you wonderful people have reminded me- is JUST a man. An addict at that.

Saturday I said- I won't do active addiction. Please do not contact me until you choose recovery.

As indicated by my other posts - it was excruciatingly painful- I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit of despair. All I could do was think of the loss - the addiction or lies were downplayed in my mind and all of the good times enhanced.

Then he called me in the evening.
Well, I got my fix.
I felt more calm.
He validated me in some way. Just by saying he missed me.
I didn't need a promise to recover or anything of that nature.
Just that.

I feel frustrated that like the A I need to feel loved and needed by my addict in order to feel "ok." I am really seeing the pattern now and it's sad and scary.

Just venting. Feeling sort of ashamed and lost about that since it brings up feelings of low self-worth that I do not have the will to live my own life.

it's a family disease, hk. that's why we have to recover also. blessing, k

This is too true. We are codependant at one point or another, which means we are addicts too.

We can recover though. It is hard, but we can do it.

Hang in there..(hugs)

Recognizing we are an addict and admitting we are powerless is the FIRST STEP!!!

Stay with that thought,,we're with you

Peace