My addiction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
My addiction
I am realizing that I am addicted to my addict.
To this man - whom many of you wonderful people have reminded me- is JUST a man. An addict at that.
Saturday I said- I won't do active addiction. Please do not contact me until you choose recovery.
As indicated by my other posts - it was excruciatingly painful- I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit of despair. All I could do was think of the loss - the addiction or lies were downplayed in my mind and all of the good times enhanced.
Then he called me in the evening.
Well, I got my fix.
I felt more calm.
He validated me in some way. Just by saying he missed me.
I didn't need a promise to recover or anything of that nature.
Just that.
I feel frustrated that like the A I need to feel loved and needed by my addict in order to feel "ok." I am really seeing the pattern now and it's sad and scary.
Just venting. Feeling sort of ashamed and lost about that since it brings up feelings of low self-worth that I do not have the will to live my own life.
To this man - whom many of you wonderful people have reminded me- is JUST a man. An addict at that.
Saturday I said- I won't do active addiction. Please do not contact me until you choose recovery.
As indicated by my other posts - it was excruciatingly painful- I felt like I was falling into a bottomless pit of despair. All I could do was think of the loss - the addiction or lies were downplayed in my mind and all of the good times enhanced.
Then he called me in the evening.
Well, I got my fix.
I felt more calm.
He validated me in some way. Just by saying he missed me.
I didn't need a promise to recover or anything of that nature.
Just that.
I feel frustrated that like the A I need to feel loved and needed by my addict in order to feel "ok." I am really seeing the pattern now and it's sad and scary.
Just venting. Feeling sort of ashamed and lost about that since it brings up feelings of low self-worth that I do not have the will to live my own life.
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