I'd like to point out that "Former Doormat" and "Minnie" have their heads on straight. They've lived through it and learned from it. Great wisdom and insight from both of them. (That is not to say that there aren't others here who have learned to place the focus on themselves.) I just realized that with consistency F.M. and M. stand up for themselves and what they're saying healthy, sane, and rational. Notice I did NOT say perfect! :-)

That's so true. My AH boyfriend is in rehab right now. I left him,dated other people and then came back to him I had thought he had stopped drinking...I was in denial though...I knew he was still drinking.
Anyways, I'm learning that I need to change too. I need to be happy with or with out him but also want to be supportive. I'm going to my first 'group therapy' meeting on Saturday at his rehab center. I'm trying to understand how to be supportive while also taking a step back. I will be okay, with or without him... I'm trying to internalize this as I write;)

I attended my first alanon meeting and think it's a first step in the right direction. Do you think we should go to a therapist together? Did you and Richard?

My AH put me through 10 years of hell with his drinking, another year of hell with the repurcussions of the honesty issues after his recovery. We have both worked the program, me a little reluctantly at times, we have worked on the marriage, tried many different avenues until we found one that worked for us, fought, cried, hated, loved, found compassion for each other, found understanding of each other, allowed each other to be themselves, stopped manipulating, controling and expecting. I could go on and on and on.

As for a happy ending, I don't know if there is such a thing. We are happy today, happier than we have been in our 13 year marriage. Now if someone would have told me I would be where I am today a year ago, I would have laughed at them and told them they were a fool. He had drank to the point of blackout, taken a gun after me, shot the gun, he cheated, he manipulated, he used me, he lied and lied and lied. After he got sober, the only thing that stopped was the drinking, he still tried to cheat, he manipulated, he used me and he lied and lied and lied.

I expected all that to stop like magic when he returned home from treatment.....what a foolish girl I was. It takes time. I can say today that he has changed his behavior to the point where I feel I can trust him a little. I am much more comfortable. I have made changes too, I work to not be controling, not enable and to leave my victim hat in the closet. I feel as long as we are both willing to grow and work toward being better people, and having a better relationship, we will be ok.

Happily every after, riding into the sunset is not realistic. Happy endings, I guess are in the eye of the beholder. I am happy with a lot less these days and I don't expect a happy ending, JUST PRAY FOR A HAPPY DAY TODAY.

I've changed so much since I was in Alanon that I wouldn't want my exbf back...

I settled for so much less then I deserved or wanted.

Today I'm dating someone who can actually meet my needs in a relationship...

I've having the life I want to live - not suffering..

And it's not the relationship that is making me happy..It's me..I'm happy with who I am and where I'm going in life.

I agree. I tend to think of happy now as a verb. Only kids and pets live in "happy"--we have to make it, choose it, or perhaps more precisely notice it, like all those posts today about noticing the small lovely things.

But the short answer to your question is yes. You may not know what it will look like for a while but there is happiness ahead for many of us if you look at all the posts around here. That's the great thing about SR, people living and thriving.
:sprinkler