Would like to tell ex thanks, would that be evil?
 

I am in heaven with my girlfriend, my work has been overflowed with business, and I am getting stronger then I've ever been from my workouts. All this happiness and strength I felt I could never have got had I still been living in misery and allowing myself to be with someone who never got me a gift on vday, xmas, my birthday, nothing. My self esteem mustve been (still probably struggling at times) so low to allow that.

About one year later since no contact with her, a year later from my harshest fall of life, Destiny sent Spirits my way and I can tell you everyday is living a dream come true.

I sometimes get so happy I have thoughts of thanking her for making me learn the things I needed to see, thank her for leaving, I was never strong enough to leave her, and when she left, it SAVED MY LIFE and blessings came pouring in, Spirits lifted me and cried for me.

But deep down , I know its probably wrong to do so... though I keep having thoughts of it, I feel so thankful, and sometimes I wonder if its the right thing to do.

To never take **** again, and to tell those that give you **** to **** themselves. I dont take **** anymore, I've changed, but sometimes I wonder if I should tell those that gave me **** in the past, to **** themselves as a last goodbye message.

I think its wrong, but sometimes I think its justified and maybe it'll bring more peace to my heart? I really dont know, my wills never been this strong before and I'm determined to make it in this life living life to the fullest....

Loves to all

Vengence is mine saith the Lord.

If there is a need for revenge...leave it in God's hands.
You will be much better off not bringing more chaos into your own space.

Hey Codemaster!

I think everyone takes a trip or two down memory lane at some point in time. Some of us think we still have unfinsihed business with our exes, but perhaps the unfinished business is really within ourselves.

I understand your feelings. But I think maybe the best way to handle them is to write them down in a letter to her. Say everything you want to say, get it all out! Then when you're all down, maybe give it one last read over, then burn it, shread it, throw eggs at it, but whatever you do, DO NOT SEND IT! Don't invite trouble and heartache to reappear in your life.

Instead, live well. Don't they say that's the best revenge of all???

Glad to see things are still going well for you!

Why not thank God for your enlightenment and happiness? If you are feeling truly blessed, instead of a thank you phone call of letter, why not say a prayer for her? No good will come of a "thank you". Not for anyone. I will be facing my ex for the first time in 15 years at my sons wedding. There was a day when he'd have stepped over my dead body for a beer and a line if coke. He still uses and I have no doubt I'd be dead had I stayed one more day with him. I will not thank him because he was no help to me at all. I did the work not him. I made the tough choices, not him. I walked it out, not him. Your life should be one of gratitude and a new appreciation for the simple things, I'd continure forward and leave the past where it is. I believe you can change your good karma with hurtful behavior. I know how great it is to find out you are sane. I'd just go forward and live a wiser life.

I never found much peace from the effort it took to justify things I'd done wrong. I found peace by seeing they were wrong and respecting my own beliefs in the future.

I like the letter idea, I have done it B/4, yet rather than throw them away immediately after written. I kept them, put them in my safety deposit box, a place I go to very seldom. After a period of time, I'd get the letter out, reread it, and toss it. Many times I thought, what were you thinking girl! Time had passed, I was living my life again, I was happy, I was whole.

Embrace your new life, let go of the past. The past should serve as a guidepost, not a
hitching post.

I am so very happy for you!

Dolly

Yea I get kinda crispy around the edges myself sometimes. I also have gotten a little bit too big for my britches. Hopefullly I will remain my correct size remember where I was and know that the humble don't have as far to fall.

You say,that you think its wrong.Go with your gut instincts.Trust your gut feelings.
Thing for me is that i too have learned from others,some hard lessons.That made me stronger.
And get this,they have also learned from me to.Some hard lessons,that helped them to grow and become stronger....smile...

I agree with Best! Leave it in God's hands!

This is what I think.....I guess it is along the lines of "leaving it in God's hands" but my mind doesn't think that way.

Codemaster, someday you will have what you are seeking. But the best part will be it'll happen when you're ready. You think you're ready now but you're not because IF you were, it would have happened on it's own. One day, you'll bump into her or something of the sort....albeit a phone call (by her) , a run in, you name it, it'll happen and how you handle that moment will be exactly how you should. I believe you won't need to "thank her." SHe'll see just how you've changed by looking at your eyes and your smile. She'll know what she missed out on and inside, she'll be left with HER guilt.

From pain came goodness, love and happiness. Write it and burn it.

Code...God's hands is the safest place to leave this...

Aside from that what good could telling her possible cause.
Your ex doesn't care and neither should you.
Living well is the best revenge.....

Hi Code, You mentioned evil, so ya know don't ya, it would be pride and revenge on your part??

I agree, write it, rewrite and save and reread, rewrite again, etc till this leaves your system. INever ever mail it.
LV YA and HUGS Keep us posted.

ooooh... I like what Dolly said about putting the letter in a safe deposit box. I think I might be using that one myself.

As far as telling HER.... like the others, I'd say check your motives. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? I would especially think about the last two... would it be kind to show her how far YOU have come (not knowing your story, I would suppose that she has not come as far)? Would it be necessary for growth or wellbeing for either of you?

I think by "thanking" her, you might be ... just a little... doing a bit of the "neener neener, I made it in SPITE of you" thing. At least, that is how *I* would feel if an old boyfriend/husband showed up to show off his accomplishments.

When it comes to my opinions, I hope you know the drill.... Take what you like...

Write it down if you have to burn it after but I don't think you should thank her for anything.

Don't forget CodeMaster you chose to stay with someone who treated you that way. Why don't you thank yourself and your HP for learning the things you have learned? Be thankful you aren't in that place anymore, that you chose to get out of it. :sprinkler

Ngaire

P.S. Nice bod Code!!! I'm such a dirty old lady.

*laughs* Gelfling you are such a KICK.... got to love ya.

Code... so good to hear from you and SO glad things are going well.... I remember when we started this journey together, truely amazing how much growth there is....

WAY too much growth to do something so petty, you know that. Compassion for her hon... pray for her and wish for her all that you enjoy. Recovery does not make us better then anyone, it should make us humble and compassionate. If she is in the same place or close to where she was you are only rubbing her nose in it.

Your bigger then that.

ok..here i sit...with the foot just a jumpin...tap tap tappin...how do i want to respond to this??
reason being,cause i have thought at times,that MY obsessive compulsive disorder (never officially recognized,but im sure i have a degree of it,as do my sons ) has seemed to flare up alot in the past year and a half since my ex. and when it flares,i STILL want to say/do these types of things. i wonder when it will stop,and if its only gonna stop when i truly get happy in all areas of my life. but code,just answered that.
ive been able to control these damn urges well in recent months,and in the past few days made a conscious decision to realize that the hurts i felt from this man will never ever go away. unless I make them go away. and the only way to do that is NOT to dwell on them,in ANY way. besides the fact,i realized that he didnt care then,he sure as hell isnt gonna care now...good,bad,or indifferent. so why bother??
besides,i kinda always eventually ended up with the theory that "silence is golden".it really makes people wonder what the hell you are up to.

I cant ever forget the start of our journey together, that was really quite something... I remember everyone who was there when we both came in quite lost, but you held yourself together really well while I wasnt nearly as strong.

Thanks for helping me decide, sometimes I kind of know what is right, but somehow I confuse myself and justify wrong. I am glad to know I always have this place to ask any deep question I have no matter how personal it maybe. At least I can always get help on trying to go the right way as much as possible.

I may try the letter thing... I have a letter from her, after a few days she started rehab, of her telling me how much I'm her world and how grateful she was I went through hell and back with her. Sometimes I dont even know why but I keep that letter around, sometimes I think it helps me remember that maybe I was a good person, a sane person, and my views of me actually trying to help her all these years were me really helping her, instead of my confusing of self blame for everything wrong that happened. I know I am not perfect, I did a lot of wrong, but one thing I remind myself is I tried to help with great perseverance, all the way until she letted go. That was a life changer.

Thanks all, I know everyone has so many struggles always, but everyone of you posts, you always sound like your living quite a beautiful and strong life. I hope that is the case, and loves always.

Yep, Code, that would be evil. I agree with Gefling's earlier comment. What a hottie! But next time, could we see a little leg? Biceps, triceps, and pecks are sexy, but legs complete the package.