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Codependency Hey all This came up on my You Tube feed, I thought it was good so wanted to share. Uncomfortable watching but helpful, I think. About 20 mins long. Codependents THINK They're Just Being Nice But Here's the Brutal Reality - YouTube |
Didn't finish the video which is good so far but she sums it up a couple of times by saying the 'codependent' is dependent on what happens in another's life. That's why many hang in a relationship with the hope once the alcoholic or addict changes their life will change for the better. I've heard some 'codependents' described as a fixer who is looking to help or actually fix/change a person. That being said if one is actually waiting for a person to change, sober up etc that's a sign of a codependent. The problem is there are frequently more issues at stake than emotional well being including family, finances, housing etc. when the physical & financial basics are co mingled(sometimes less than people think). This is why emphasizing independent living is so important including taking care of one's self. Might not give a person solutions but they are much easier to obtain once everyone knows what is going on. |
Thank you. I watched most of it before work this morning. I haven't had a chance to finish it yet. One thing I found helpful when I was struggling with believing I was co-dependent was I download this document: https://coda.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/2011-Patterns-of-Recovery-2015.pdf There is a column for co-dependency behaviors on the left and I guess "normal" behaviors on the right. I looked at it honestly, went row by row - and highlighted all of my own behaviors. I was surprised by how many highlights I had on the co-dependent side, the only section where I didn't have much highlighted was for the Control Patterns, though there were a few highlights, but for Compliance Patterns, Low Self-esteem Patterns, Avoidance Patterns, and Denial Patterns - lots of highlights. |
Originally Posted by firecricket
(Post 7804267)
Thank you. I watched most of it before work this morning. I haven't had a chance to finish it yet. One thing I found helpful when I was struggling with believing I was co-dependent was I download this document: https://coda.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/2011-Patterns-of-Recovery-2015.pdf There is a column for co-dependency behaviors on the left and I guess "normal" behaviors on the right. I looked at it honestly, went row by row - and highlighted all of my own behaviors. I was surprised by how many highlights I had on the co-dependent side, the only section where I didn't have much highlighted was for the Control Patterns, though there were a few highlights, but for Compliance Patterns, Low Self-esteem Patterns, Avoidance Patterns, and Denial Patterns - lots of highlights. Avoidance, denial, low self-esteem, and compliance are off the chart. 5 categories, only 1 not majority co-dependent. Thank you for utterly ruining my might 😂 just kidding!!! |
Originally Posted by timj120
(Post 7804314)
As a numbers guy, I just had to count how many there were and how many I checked off on the co-dependent side. 55 total patterns, I checked of 33 of them, 60% Avoidance, denial, low self-esteem, and compliance are off the chart. 5 categories, only 1 not majority co-dependent. Thank you for utterly ruining my might 😂 just kidding!!! |
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