He behaves this way sober
 

This evening is starting rough. He's been home 30 minutes and here are the list of questions:

What have you done all day?

Have you made dinner?

What happened to the asparagus? Looks like you killed it! (demonstrates trying to eat it)

Did you put the office together?

Did you unpack boxes today?

Did you go to the YMCA today? Why not? Then why are we paying $50 a month for it?

He knows I haven't recovered from the other day. He's very narrow eyed at me and hostile. I'm trying my darnedest to not cry.

Walks out of the house slamming the door.

omg

I'm so glad the advocate is contacting you tomorrow. Honestly you need time and distance from this.

Do you have family in another state? Is there any possibility you could go to visit them for a week or two?

He's trying to keep you from going to your meeting and get you back under his thumb.

Teehee......there might be your "cover"....if it would be "normal" to go to the YMCA...while he is at work.....then, this could be time that you could use to talk to the dv people on the phone....or, visit, even, if you can.....
Do you think that he ever follows you? or has he put a GPS on your car,do you think?
I am not trying to scare you....it is just a couple of questions that I would ask anyone, in your situation. I have heard of these kinds of things happening....
Darn technology!.....makes everything easier, , these days, for those who have ill intent.....

Yes, sorry, not trying to make you paranoid but GPS tracking can be put on your phone too.

Not sure how tech savvy he is, hopefully not very.

Also, one other thing (again, not trying to make you paranoid) as others mentioned, use incognito windows but if you haven't been and you clear history, you will need to clear cookies too (very annoying as this may wipe out some logins that you have saved for some websites) and temp files, deleting the history is not enough.

I hope you have your own computer and that it is password protected, that will make your life a lot easier.

also hidden in house cameras.

do whatever you have to in order to get thru tonite. and get to your DV advocate appointment tomorrow. the more you reveal here, the more severe the situation you are in is demonstrated.

stay safe. don't fight back. altho we very much want you to find your voice and be assertive, now is NOT the time.

This website also records the last time you've checked in if you look in your profile under "last activity". If you're in a permanently logged in state (as I am), it will show when you open a new browser tab/window.

If you are suspicious that he's checking our SR using your login and raiding your private messages, this is one way to keep track of what's going on. However, this doesn't stop him from lurking the boards anonymously. People have also gone dark for a period of time, then come back under a new name (with new password).

At the very least, change your passwords not only to SR but to your email/FB/ any other place where you're exchanging PMs using another computer off-site if you can. Better play it safe.

When I was married to the ex, I would do my computer research/planning on the library computers. He was pretty tech savvy. Plus, how could I get yelled at for going to the library? Just a thought....

^^^^^Yeah, I think that the library is a really good place to find some privacy and safety. Also, a good place to make calls to your dv person.
Easy to make a "cover" excuse...…..like--" I was just looking for some good books on home organization".....or, "on the symptoms of menopause".....or, "about laws on the specs. of home electrical installation---because I would really like to get some indirect lighting in our house...it is so much more relaxing."

WOW

I will keep my mouth shut but WOW

The point is, I do not meet his unattainable expectations of me daily. Things have never been this tense in all our time together for this extended period of time. Driving to pick up his daughter from school activities yesterday evening, he drove fast, stayed narrow eyed and for no reason. Before I left for alanon, I asked him tearfully what was wrong and he smiled and said nothing but there could be something wrong if I wanted there to be.

The exterminator is coming at 8:30 this morning and I've had to remove a lot of things from the linen closet so he can reach the upper corners of the closet. He walks upstairs and stands there, I pass him on the way to the linen closet to fetch another stack of things and he looks incredulous saying, "ok" and rolls his eyes. If I don't acknowledge he is standing there, give him a kiss because he is standing there no matter what it is that im involved with at the moment, it is unacceptable to him. He asked if I was taking his daughter to school and I said "yes, I always do" -- it was a weird question because I always take her to school. On his way down the stairs he tells his daughter, "she's taking you to school because she always does" very sarcastically. What the hell???? I couldn't help myself, I blurted "please come home nice this evening".

This is becoming a living hell. I cannot do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. How can he do this every single day, live in this turmoil? I'm starting to have a hard time looking at him and I'm starting to hate him and we've only been married a few months!

I know I'm rambling, but I still CANNOT believe I picked another freaking winner of this caliber. My picker is BROKEN! I'm an easy going person; I love to laugh -- there is NO laughter or joy in this home right now and I'm beginning to believe there never will be.

To him, my sole job is to put up and shut up; to swallow and swallow hard without retaliation; do as he says, not as he does.

I have to add, my anxiety is through the roof and I can't stay of the freaking toilet!

Please stay safe this is escalating and even if it kills you inside it may be safer to behave like you are back in line while secretly working on your plan. For real change all your passwords to fingerprint if you can, or something he would never guess but also brings you joy- for example when I changed mine I changed it to silly things like "ah has a tiny *****" he would never guess that and it made me laugh in a very difficult time, I always wondered when he got back on the accounts that I had changed the challenge questions as well if he had to read them? they were awfulll personal :)

This is all demonstration of abusive behavior. You need to protect yourself.

Sending you lots of support. I hope you do reach out to your advocate, and stay safe.

You will never meet expectations, because what fun is that? The fun is in demeaning you, minimilizing you, and humiliating you. I would say DO NOT ask him what is wrong anymore. That is also a fun game....he mopes, acts mad, whatever....all to keep you on your toes, the energey on him and make you ask him what is wrong. I mean, don't you KNOW what is wrong? Aren't you smart enough? Aren't you in sync? Oh, I played that game so many times. EGGSHELLS.

Others may disagree, but a temporary prescription for something to help with anxiety may be helpful. When I went through my divorce, I had to have something to help with my nausea, because my anxiety was so through the roof I was throwing up every 5 minutes. I couldn't even keep water down. Again, just a thought. There are essential oils that may help -- my two favorites are lavender and vetiver. (They also smell really nice blended, imo!)

You are not a soldier. And he is not your sergeant, general, or anything else. Your job is not to take orders. (And there should be no "or elses"!!!!)

If I missed this detail, I'm sorry, but do you share any children with this man, or is it just your stepdaughter?

LPS,
No, we do not share children together. His daughter is amazing and I've been the only mom she's known over the years. We have a great and very special bond.

Teehee.....how does he behave toward his daughter...it it the same or different than you.....? Is she a young child or closer to teen years....I cannot help but think that the tension in the home is wearing on the child, also. As you know...kids notice everything.....

Teehee...I hope you are sharing all of this with your dv person....in very specific detail...just as you are doing with us. It is very important for her to know, I believe, because this will guide her in how to help you....they may even be able to find or provide a safe house for you to stay, if it should come to that. Lean on the dv people because they are
experienced and trained and have resources to help you in the safest way......

His daughter is in high school. He treats her very well, spoils her, actually. He NEVER speaks to her the way he will me. It's like I have this large bulls eye on my forehead.
She loves her dad; he is all that she's had her whole life. Her mother isn't in the picture living homeless addicted to meth. Watching my husband with his daughter over the years has been very impressive; he's a great dad and is one of the things that attracted me to him because my ex alcoholic husband was a terrible father to our kids.
No call from an advocate yet, but when she does I will share all that I have here.

Please remember to erase the call from your phone, yes?

I don’t want to make it worse, but reading your threads I am scared for you. My guess is he senses your shift in how you perceive his abuse...that it ISN’T acceptable or normal, and now his surveillance is stepping up.

Your description of how satisfied he was to have you in tears asking him what’s wrong gave me cold chills.

Is there somewhere you can just go? It sounds like you haven’t lived in that town very long...can you go move back to wherever?

Sending you strength and a hug...

i'm curious - do you know for SURE that the ex wife IS a "homeless meth addict"? or is that the STORY he tells.