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Another day I never understood that song by Paul McCartney it’s just another day. I get it now, sadly. I feel all the magic is gone from life. Going thru the motions, doing my exercise, paying bills, eating...but mostly with tears in my eyes. It’s day nine of A.A. meetings for AH, he goes to early morning meetings and then to treatment. Although I’m glad for him, this is not how I want my life with meetings, therapists, tears, lawyers, police, ambulances, fear of going to a restaurant where they serve alcohol....I see a look of fear in his face sometimes when our eyes meet. It’s quiet around here, I’m writing, painting, resting, but it’s nit my best life. I just want this heaviness of depression to lift. I just feel so sad. |
As long as you are engaging with him, you cannot really begin to heal. The band aid gets ripped off constantly. He is determined to stay, and you are afraid to see him go I think. It is also normal to feel heavy sadness at the end of a 20 year "big love" but he has chosen drinking over the relationship over and over. You really need to stop trying to "understand" his motivations, words, or actions at this point and take care of you. You can let go with love, but most importantly you need to let go and love yourself. |
Dazed.....I trust that you are talking to your therapist about your feelings.....about whether it is the expected sadness of grieving or depression...or, a combination of both...… Depression can be treated......grieving can be managed...though, it is still painful and cannot be avoided....no way around it---just straight through it... Face to face support from live persons is very therapeutic.....Now, I know how valuable the fabulous people on this forum are to you....but, you still need the human interaction of people who understand and are willing to walk, hand in hand, with you..... In fact, the powerful human connection, from those who understand and do not judge, is one of the main factors in AA---the way I see it.... Same with any support group....it is about human connection....we are wired for it and we NEED it..... I'm just saying...…(over and over...lol)…. |
Originally Posted by dandylion
(Post 7237021)
Dazed.....I trust that you are talking to your therapist about your feelings.....about whether it is the expected sadness of grieving or depression...or, a combination of both...… Depression can be treated......grieving can be managed...though, it is still painful and cannot be avoided....no way around it---just straight through it... Face to face support from live persons is very therapeutic.....Now, I know how valuable the fabulous people on this forum are to you....but, you still need the human interaction of people who understand and are willing to walk, hand in hand, with you..... In fact, the powerful human connection, from those who understand and do not judge, is one of the main factors in AA---the way I see it.... Same with any support group....it is about human connection....we are wired for it and we NEED it..... I'm just saying...…(over and over...lol)…. |
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