Another day

Old 07-29-2019, 06:43 AM
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Another day

I never understood that song by Paul McCartney it’s just another day. I get it now, sadly. I feel all the magic is gone from life. Going thru the motions, doing my exercise, paying bills, eating...but mostly with tears in my eyes. It’s day nine of A.A. meetings for AH, he goes to early morning meetings and then to treatment. Although I’m glad for him, this is not how I want my life with meetings, therapists, tears, lawyers, police, ambulances, fear of going to a restaurant where they serve alcohol....I see a look of fear in his face sometimes when our eyes meet. It’s quiet around here, I’m writing, painting, resting, but it’s nit my best life. I just want this heaviness of depression to lift. I just feel so sad.
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Old 07-29-2019, 12:13 PM
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As long as you are engaging with him, you cannot really begin to heal. The band aid gets ripped off constantly.

He is determined to stay, and you are afraid to see him go I think.

It is also normal to feel heavy sadness at the end of a 20 year "big love" but he has chosen drinking over the relationship over and over.

You really need to stop trying to "understand" his motivations, words, or actions at this point and take care of you.

You can let go with love, but most importantly you need to let go and love yourself.
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Old 07-29-2019, 12:25 PM
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Dazed.....I trust that you are talking to your therapist about your feelings.....about whether it is the expected sadness of grieving or depression...or, a combination of both...…
Depression can be treated......grieving can be managed...though, it is still painful and cannot be avoided....no way around it---just straight through it...

Face to face support from live persons is very therapeutic.....Now, I know how valuable the fabulous people on this forum are to you....but, you still need the human interaction of people who understand and are willing to walk, hand in hand, with you.....
In fact, the powerful human connection, from those who understand and do not judge, is one of the main factors in AA---the way I see it....
Same with any support group....it is about human connection....we are wired for it and we NEED it.....

I'm just saying...…(over and over...lol)….
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Old 07-29-2019, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Dazed.....I trust that you are talking to your therapist about your feelings.....about whether it is the expected sadness of grieving or depression...or, a combination of both...…
Depression can be treated......grieving can be managed...though, it is still painful and cannot be avoided....no way around it---just straight through it...

Face to face support from live persons is very therapeutic.....Now, I know how valuable the fabulous people on this forum are to you....but, you still need the human interaction of people who understand and are willing to walk, hand in hand, with you.....
In fact, the powerful human connection, from those who understand and do not judge, is one of the main factors in AA---the way I see it....
Same with any support group....it is about human connection....we are wired for it and we NEED it.....

I'm just saying...…(over and over...lol)….
you guys are so wonderful. I am working on anxiety with the therapist. She does know about everything else as well but I want to drive again. Lol. Hawkeye, I don’t want him to go, but I do want him to go. He has a move out date and no matter what that will be adhered to. Of course in my Disneyland world. Everything would be all better. I’m learning how very bad this truly is through the research, and readings, and my therapist. So my rosy colored glasses are clearer now. AH has a looooonnnngggg way to go and his absence at treatment clues me in to how peaceful it is when he is not around. I’ll get there....so grateful for you all. ❤️
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