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Hi RainingButtons, It sounds like a wake-up call. A person in this state (advancing alcoholism) is not a fit, healthy person to be one of the children's caretakers and role models. Kudos for all you're accomplishing! One day at a time. |
i agree with others that until his home is at least habitable the children are not to be over there and absolutely NO overnights. he is allowed to live in squalor if he chooses, but that is not adequate for children. it is also NOT OK for him to "borrow" from his children's savings accounts! you probably won't see that money again. close that accout and open one that does not give him access. i wish you and your children the very best in your new home! |
Thanks for the feedback honestly this forum is a godsend. Ok so I took the advice you all gave and went to open a new account for my son. I needed his passport for ID and guess what...? It had gone. So had my daughters. I had the passports when I moved. I keep them in a tin. I also know AH has had access to them since I moved because of the early days of him being here using my WiFi. Cut a long story short I now have them back. He denied having “taken” them of course - said he just happened to have them. I’ve no idea why. However I do know that he tried to access my sons other account which is a little trust fund I save regularly in, but they wouldn’t speak to him without my authority as it’s held in my name. Im not saying he tried to take the money but he certainly tried to change the address. Im suspicious of him now. More than ever. I suspect he may be trying to bury his assets by transferring them into the kids names or something along those lines? I can’t think why else he would need their passports unless it’s a control thing? I don’t think he’d take them abroad. He would never cope with our daughter on his own and he knows this. I have decided to get myself some legal advice next week about putting a declared financial interest in the house he owns and separating us financially because if he goes bankrupt or runs up debts I’m worried I’m still liable as I’m legally still married to him. |
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
(Post 7186808)
i agree with others that until his home is at least habitable the children are not to be over there and absolutely NO overnights. he is allowed to live in squalor if he chooses, but that is not adequate for children. it is also NOT OK for him to "borrow" from his children's savings accounts! you probably won't see that money again. close that accout and open one that does not give him access. i wish you and your children the very best in your new home! |
In my business there are many identity theft issues... ...and very often it is parents, usually drug addicts and alcoholics, who have stolen their own children's identities. i'm unaware of the dynamics in the UK, but here I'd be suggesting credit monitoring under your childrens' names and social security numbers. it's never fun when people find out from a salesman they don't even know that, before they've ever even used it, their credit is already destroyed. best to you and your children, and please consider Al-Anon to help you understand many of the things that have happened, are happening, and are going to happen with this man. C-
Originally Posted by RainingButtons
(Post 7187132)
Thanks for the feedback honestly this forum is a godsend. Ok so I took the advice you all gave and went to open a new account for my son. I needed his passport for ID and guess what...? It had gone. So had my daughters. I had the passports when I moved. I keep them in a tin. I also know AH has had access to them since I moved because of the early days of him being here using my WiFi. Cut a long story short I now have them back. He denied having “taken” them of course - said he just happened to have them. I’ve no idea why. However I do know that he tried to access my sons other account which is a little trust fund I save regularly in, but they wouldn’t speak to him without my authority as it’s held in my name. Im not saying he tried to take the money but he certainly tried to change the address. Im suspicious of him now. More than ever. I suspect he may be trying to bury his assets by transferring them into the kids names or something along those lines? I can’t think why else he would need their passports unless it’s a control thing? I don’t think he’d take them abroad. He would never cope with our daughter on his own and he knows this. I have decided to get myself some legal advice next week about putting a declared financial interest in the house he owns and separating us financially because if he goes bankrupt or runs up debts I’m worried I’m still liable as I’m legally still married to him. |
Hey Rainingbuttons, good on you for getting right on your son's bank account. I'm horrified that he took money but sounds like it could have been worse. Also congrats on keeping that door locked and not cleaning up his mess. This is hard to do for most of us. It sounds like a locked door between you and him is a really good thing. |
Good grief. This man is a piece of work. I do say he will be going down the rabbit hole sooner than later. It's HIS CHOICE to live the way he is, do not feel guilty or sympathy for that. Yes, please do whatever you have to do to separate yourself financially from this man. And protect your children's assets as well. He should be ashamed. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but it sounds like you are taking the right steps! Huge hugs! |
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