SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

- Friends and Family of Alcoholics (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/)

- - Ultimate Low (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/437962-ultimate-low.html)

Quote:

Originally Posted by batchel9 (Post 7170348)

I think I also still do must have subconscious thoughts that “maybe he will change afterall” that cause it.

Those aren't subconscious thoughts, they are thoughts. If you're aware of that thought, then it's just a belief - not something buried deep down and hard to get to or inaccessible. Any belief is just a thought that you keep thinking and any belief can be changed. You can change the belief from "maybe he will change" to "change takes long, consistent commitment to sobriety and a full time recovery program." You won't be able to change your belief in one day, but just knowing that you can slowly change it (and thus, change your emotion around it) is really important. We are never stuck with the beliefs (and subsequent feelings) that we presently have and we don't have to wait for "time" to make us feel better. Perhaps write out some of your current beliefs, try them on for feel. If they don't feel helpful to you, work on them - write out more helpful beliefs that still feel true. We absolutely can change our beliefs, since they are just thoughts that we keep repeating to ourselves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by atalose (Post 7169839)

This man hasn’t changed into the person you always wished he’d be. This other woman doesn’t have some kind of magic powers that can change him. This act of his can only last so long before the mask falls off and reality rears its ugly head of alcoholism. The gf will in time begin to live the EXACT SAME LIFE with him as you did, probably worse as the disease progresses.

I am this other woman (minus the baby) and I can attest that he is the same man, if not even more progressed in his alcoholism. I have learned, the extraordinarily hard way, that unless a person chooses sobriety and active, ongoing, full time recovery program, his alcoholism will progress and worsen. He certainly will not change for the better, no matter the change in partners.

Update: He went from happy and seemingly attempting to be involved with kids to being a no-show and sending me drunk rambling text messages. His baby is ~3 weeks old.

I knew deep down the drinking wasn’t over and his state was only temporary. His poor girlfriend and parents still exist and are CLUELESSSS. It’s sad really.

Quote:

Originally Posted by batchel9 (Post 7185694)

You divorced him for a reason. It's once again staring you in the face.
Rejoice that you are free of the insanity.
Put on a fancy dress and dance around a campfire.
Feel bad for the new mom. Even if she "stole your life".
It wasn't her... it was him. He chose the booze. You had no choice but to free yourself. Be confident in that decision. You've chosen well.

Well that was predictable. Sad though yes, from your children's viewpoint and of course for the new baby.

Clueless? Maybe on the outside, just like those posts on facebook.

How are you feeling now batchel? I hope the last few weeks have been better for you despite all this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dandylion (Post 7168368)

I just had a bizarre thought.....I sometimes, watch the show on tv.."Sister Wives".....and, I always wonder....how in the world do those women handle that?!

I would guess for some men, a little of them goes a long way? If you believe in the lifestyle, and the man is an obnoxious twit, his having to attend to things elsewhere would be a good thing.