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Obnoxious behaviors AH thinks since he’s functional he’s fine. Always tries to parse down my complaints about his behavior, reductio ad absurdum. (As if being drunk most nights is acceptable as long as you don’t drive or hit anyone.). I want to share them because I know sane people can see why these behaviors are infuriating. In order from drink o’clock to bedtime: - ever so subtly slurred words -odd responses: strange questions and comments during dinner -glazed eyes -using phone at table when he has a firm rule that no one can use their phone at the table. -posting stupid talentless photos on the family group chat : like a picture of a paper napkin. Not shitting you either. -draggy “caveman arms” -excessive and lengthy bathroom trips -repeatedly and excessively taking the poor dog out -looking for that fight opportunity: trying to “catch” someone in the act. Then policing everyone via family group chat. Also provoking me via irritating texts. -hyper formal language: “The Lunchbox Family will be attending Mass...” “I would like you to purchase this...” -overcompensating with micromanaging (e.g., timing the adolescent kids getting in bed, causing screamfests) -stinking up the bedroom because alcohol is coming out of his pores -snoring 75 db, keeping me awake |
In my opinion those are obnoxious behaviors. I dont think its anything but normal to feel frustrated by these behaviors. do you go to alanon? my AH does most of these but also drops things...mostly beer spilling it everywhere constantly. heavily spurs words (when the slurring started that was my signal to leave the room lol). Strange behavior regarding the dog (wanting to take him out without a leash or have him "play with the neighbor's cat" while knowing he doesnt get along with other animals). Causing so much trouble, being unreasonable and mean to my teenager. I'm sorry I let it go so long, but I also had a rough hand dealt. I forgive myself and move forward with love and support to my kid and my animals 🖤 |
Almost sounds like he tries to bait you which I see alot. And yes always seems to look for a fight. Constantly baiting. And looking to catch someone in the act-like there a boss and you are an employee. The smell, whew. Throw in highly scented grooming products and/or detergent things smell days old in hours. The formalities may be there for image. Here it's a highly contrived image when visiting or with company. Always about protocol or how things 'normally' should go according to their friends and so called experts they know. Addiction to most things means repetitive behavior which you'll see alot. |
Thank you Lunchbox for putting these into words. I would always shake my head and not have the words to describe the behavior but just think “wow, what the heck....”. Hyper formal sentences. It’s interesting to hear others had that too |
Whew. This reminds me why I am so very happy to be divorced (sorry to say that, just telling the truth). It sounds like a lot of this happens during some family texting. I would stop that, immediately. Just because he says jump does not mean you, your family, or your dog (?) have to say how high!!!!! |
the micromanaging the kids really gets me. Like dude you don't get to check out of our lives and then try to over parent to prove you are awesome while you are drunk. Just get out. I just can't do the conversations that don't make sense. |
de nada I had to write it and share it to make it real.
Originally Posted by Schne
(Post 7153703)
Thank you Lunchbox for putting these into words. I would always shake my head and not have the words to describe the behavior but just think “wow, what the heck....”. Hyper formal sentences. It’s interesting to hear others had that too |
Originally Posted by Lunchbox1
(Post 7153839)
I had to write it and share it to make it real. Your comment made me think of this thread I was just reading: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...nyl-abuse.html From the outside, as observers, it all seems clear. Obvious drug use. However when you are looking right at at a person who is claiming "since he’s functional he’s fine. Always tries to parse down my complaints about his behavior" - it can be confusing. Why? Because you care or did care about this person. Because perhaps prior to the substance abuse they were not liars or people who tried to downplay horrible behaviour, because at one time you had a relationship with them that might have been pretty good. Who is this person that came to replace them, slowly? Terribly confusing and troubling. That's another reason why it's so important to focus on yourself, your well being and looking after you! This separates you from the insanity that is addiction. |
Can you remove yourself from the family group chat in the evenings? If one of the kids needs to talk to you about something, presumably they can communicate with you directly. And you don't really need to see random pictures or pompous messages from him. |
My AH does the weird formal style of speaking sometimes. Is like a Shakespearean actor. Sorry to read what is going on. I think they are looking for a fight all the time. A big ol' shouting match that ends in a self righteous drink! |
Slow stupid blinking. Really irritates me |
Symptoms of this disease of Alcoholism. Al-Anon, Celebrate Recovery and family programs at recovery centers can be helpful for us. As I was talking with someone dealing with a different mental illness with physical symptoms, it reminded me in some ways of alcoholism. The huge difference is in treatment of this disease! There are things we can do to help ourselves. http://www.al-anon.org/ |
OMG Lunchbox reading this gave me flashbacks. SO ANNOYING other people who don't live it don't see it but man every single one you mentioned its like its a textbook disease or something. Paycheck or not doesn't mean you don't have it. uuuggghhhh and you forgot 1) the drunk induced farting while asleep - seriously if you ever wondered what its doing to the inside of their bodies just spend the night in the bedroom:GrossL: |
Ugh yes obnoxious behaviours.. Listening to him wretching and gagging when he brushes his teeth in the bedroom en-suite... hours spent on the toilet early morning, and hearing the chime of the game on his phone from the other side of the door as he sits there playing it... strong pungently foul breath .. ugh .. it made me gag being a passenger in the car sometimes not showering for days and the smell of stale sweat and skin the pile of dirty clothes on the bedroom floor where he’d drop them and put them back on the next morning the beer belly hanging out from under the too tight T-shirt the bloodshot glazed eyes the fixed gurn on his satisfied face, eyes closed and a deep inhaling sound ... as he enjoyed the buzz when he had enough red wine inside him.. The criticical angry red faced rants about members of my family .. thankGOD I left before I lost my own self completely!!! |
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