Suspect husband of Heroin/Fentanyl Abuse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 6
Suspect husband of Heroin/Fentanyl Abuse
Hi,
So this is my first thread and I'm hoping to get some clarity. I have noticed a lot of "odd" things going on with my husband and I'm really not sure if it's something or if I'm manifesting this whole thing in my head. He has always liked to use pain killers (mostly percocet) recreationally but we had a huge falling out and I moved out with the kids in October (not related to suspected drug use). We took some time and decided to work things out and he seems so different despite saying often that he wants nothing more than our family and this marriage. Months months ago, I found a piece of tin foil (maybe like 2x2 inches) and it was rolled super tiny and tight with a pointy end and he told me that he used it to pick his teeth (I know thats gross haha). Said he used it upstairs in our room because he knew that picking his teeth in the living room irritated me beyond belief. So I believe him and brushed it off. He's super weird about his phone and won't even let me hold it and he seems to take an extraordinary amount of time running simple errands. Now, I've been out with him, and he is a slow poke in a store, so again, I made that justification. He spends a lot of time in the bathroom - in the past he has told me that he has a really hard time peeing and often takes him a long time to go but I listen and I hear nothing until he shuts the toilet seat lid and flushes yet I heard no pee go in the toilet. When I ask what he was doing, he tells me he was peeing, which I clearly know is BS. I was cleaning our room, and came across a bunch (maybe like 6-8) pieces of foil, all square when opened but none had any burn marks of any sort. I then found a piece a paper that was folded up and had a reddish/brownish residue on the insides in the folds. When I opened his nightstand drawer, I found another piece of paper, the exact same actually, folded up small again with 3 or 4 more pieces of tightly wadded up tin foil. When I googled it, all I could find was heroin. I know his best friend is a heroin dealer, so its hard because even when I went through our phone bill, I saw his number often but it's his best friend so there's an excuse.... Another thing I keep thinking is, I just lost my cousin in November to a Heroin/Fentanyl overdose, and I remember him nodding off in the middle of conversations and what not. My husband never does anything like that. He is a normally functioning, get up and go to work, help with the kids, kind of guy. But there's something off for sure. He also has always struggled to keep his hands off me and the last 4 or so months, he barely touches me. He used to be on testosterone, but he needs a new doctor so he hasn't had a script in awhile and when I asked, he chalked it up to that. I feel like no matter what I bring up to him, he has an excuse. But when I kept saying "But that doesn't explain the tin foil..." he would only reply with "It's tin foil! What do you think I'm doing??" He knows that I've never really done drugs so I'm kind of oblivious. The last thing I'll mention is he used to vape and quit a while back. I went in our bedroom the other night and he like lunged at me from the bed to hug me and started kissing me (behavior - as I mentioned before - that was not typical in our lives ATM). He like layed me down on the bed and was almost trying to block me from seeing his side of the bed; I sat up, he sat up, I moved he moved. I finally said, what the hell are you trying to hide? And I saw his vape and a scratch ticket. He told me he was just seeing if it worked which I knew was BS. He's since been using it because he said he's stressed over me thinking he's using drugs. He's had 3 sinus infections in the last month and a half, he's always sniffing (says it just his nose spray or saline) and his eye is watering constantly. Today, a friend in recovery was over and I opened up to her about everything going on. She immediately said he was using. He told me I was so convinced that I couldn't see anything beyond that because of what I had just been through with my cousin. Is he just really that good of a manipulator? Have I really been duped for years? Could he be vaping something? Is it normal to snort heroin or fentanyl? How easy is it to get the nasal spray Fentanyl? I just feel like I know something is off in my gut but he's telling me that this is all in my head and I really don't know what to do anymore.......His pupils were pinpoint tonight in a very dimly lit living room....someone help. I'm scared and I don't want to bury another person I love....especially the father of my children.....
Last thing, he has a script for adderall that he takes daily, could this kind of counteract the drowsiness that I've seen in other people using heroin/opioids?
So this is my first thread and I'm hoping to get some clarity. I have noticed a lot of "odd" things going on with my husband and I'm really not sure if it's something or if I'm manifesting this whole thing in my head. He has always liked to use pain killers (mostly percocet) recreationally but we had a huge falling out and I moved out with the kids in October (not related to suspected drug use). We took some time and decided to work things out and he seems so different despite saying often that he wants nothing more than our family and this marriage. Months months ago, I found a piece of tin foil (maybe like 2x2 inches) and it was rolled super tiny and tight with a pointy end and he told me that he used it to pick his teeth (I know thats gross haha). Said he used it upstairs in our room because he knew that picking his teeth in the living room irritated me beyond belief. So I believe him and brushed it off. He's super weird about his phone and won't even let me hold it and he seems to take an extraordinary amount of time running simple errands. Now, I've been out with him, and he is a slow poke in a store, so again, I made that justification. He spends a lot of time in the bathroom - in the past he has told me that he has a really hard time peeing and often takes him a long time to go but I listen and I hear nothing until he shuts the toilet seat lid and flushes yet I heard no pee go in the toilet. When I ask what he was doing, he tells me he was peeing, which I clearly know is BS. I was cleaning our room, and came across a bunch (maybe like 6-8) pieces of foil, all square when opened but none had any burn marks of any sort. I then found a piece a paper that was folded up and had a reddish/brownish residue on the insides in the folds. When I opened his nightstand drawer, I found another piece of paper, the exact same actually, folded up small again with 3 or 4 more pieces of tightly wadded up tin foil. When I googled it, all I could find was heroin. I know his best friend is a heroin dealer, so its hard because even when I went through our phone bill, I saw his number often but it's his best friend so there's an excuse.... Another thing I keep thinking is, I just lost my cousin in November to a Heroin/Fentanyl overdose, and I remember him nodding off in the middle of conversations and what not. My husband never does anything like that. He is a normally functioning, get up and go to work, help with the kids, kind of guy. But there's something off for sure. He also has always struggled to keep his hands off me and the last 4 or so months, he barely touches me. He used to be on testosterone, but he needs a new doctor so he hasn't had a script in awhile and when I asked, he chalked it up to that. I feel like no matter what I bring up to him, he has an excuse. But when I kept saying "But that doesn't explain the tin foil..." he would only reply with "It's tin foil! What do you think I'm doing??" He knows that I've never really done drugs so I'm kind of oblivious. The last thing I'll mention is he used to vape and quit a while back. I went in our bedroom the other night and he like lunged at me from the bed to hug me and started kissing me (behavior - as I mentioned before - that was not typical in our lives ATM). He like layed me down on the bed and was almost trying to block me from seeing his side of the bed; I sat up, he sat up, I moved he moved. I finally said, what the hell are you trying to hide? And I saw his vape and a scratch ticket. He told me he was just seeing if it worked which I knew was BS. He's since been using it because he said he's stressed over me thinking he's using drugs. He's had 3 sinus infections in the last month and a half, he's always sniffing (says it just his nose spray or saline) and his eye is watering constantly. Today, a friend in recovery was over and I opened up to her about everything going on. She immediately said he was using. He told me I was so convinced that I couldn't see anything beyond that because of what I had just been through with my cousin. Is he just really that good of a manipulator? Have I really been duped for years? Could he be vaping something? Is it normal to snort heroin or fentanyl? How easy is it to get the nasal spray Fentanyl? I just feel like I know something is off in my gut but he's telling me that this is all in my head and I really don't know what to do anymore.......His pupils were pinpoint tonight in a very dimly lit living room....someone help. I'm scared and I don't want to bury another person I love....especially the father of my children.....
Last thing, he has a script for adderall that he takes daily, could this kind of counteract the drowsiness that I've seen in other people using heroin/opioids?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Queenie, trust your instincts. Denial and defensiveness are not normal. His behaviour is not normal, and people don't cut up tin foil into small squares for any reason I can think of.
It doesn't matter what he says or what he is using. It's pretty clear he is using drugs and hiding it and it's up to you to decide if this is how you want to live your life.
I used to be a professional Codie Detective, checking every move of my son, checking his pockets and drawers and his cell phone bills (he lived at home and we paid for his phone at the time). It was futile, even faced with drugs found hidden in his coat, he would reply "That's not mine, you must have put it there." Really, no kidding, a mother would hide drugs in her son's jacket so she could accuse him? Not likely. I finally realized that all this "trying to prove" what I already knew was futile and only bringing me down more than him. He had to leave, there was no other solution.
Is there any possibility of talking to him calmly, without tempers taking over, and let him know that he's pretty transparent and needs help. Don't debate substance or details, just go with the overall picture that strongly suggests that he is active in his addiction and that you cannot live like that. Truthfully, this rarely works, emotions are too raw, but at least stop trying to prove what you know, stop letting him gaslight you (making you think YOU are the crazy one here) and start taking very good care of yourself.
It doesn't matter what he says or what he is using. It's pretty clear he is using drugs and hiding it and it's up to you to decide if this is how you want to live your life.
I used to be a professional Codie Detective, checking every move of my son, checking his pockets and drawers and his cell phone bills (he lived at home and we paid for his phone at the time). It was futile, even faced with drugs found hidden in his coat, he would reply "That's not mine, you must have put it there." Really, no kidding, a mother would hide drugs in her son's jacket so she could accuse him? Not likely. I finally realized that all this "trying to prove" what I already knew was futile and only bringing me down more than him. He had to leave, there was no other solution.
Is there any possibility of talking to him calmly, without tempers taking over, and let him know that he's pretty transparent and needs help. Don't debate substance or details, just go with the overall picture that strongly suggests that he is active in his addiction and that you cannot live like that. Truthfully, this rarely works, emotions are too raw, but at least stop trying to prove what you know, stop letting him gaslight you (making you think YOU are the crazy one here) and start taking very good care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
People pick their teeth with toothpicks, just saying.
It sounds like he is using, but of course I only know what you have just said. I will say that if your gut tells you something is off, it is.
I'm sorry.
It sounds like he is using, but of course I only know what you have just said. I will say that if your gut tells you something is off, it is.
I'm sorry.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
When they teach children how to avoid abuse, they tell them that if they think there is something wrong, they're right.
You don't know what exactly is wrong, but you don't have to know what it is to know that something is up.
So, is that really your question (is something wrong) or is it - I know something is wrong and I don't quite know what to do about it.
If it is the former, maybe ask yourself why you might be ignoring some warning signals. There are ways to verify things - I took some things I wasn't sure about to the local police to ask what they were and found out. Are you ready to face what might be happening? Do you have the support you'll need to figure things out if indeed something is up and you face it? If not, that might be a place to start (and this site is a good place for some of the support you'll need).
If it is the latter - you just don't know what to do, maybe think about the dangers. What will happen if you look at the trajectory of this situation and you do nothing. What will life be like in 3, 6 or 9 months.
Many drug addicts remain pretty functional (holding down jobs, etc.), but drug addiction reaches a crisis point at some time. Maybe in 3 months, maybe in 3 years, maybe in 30 years. And, while the decline is happening, is your life OK. What do you want your life to be like? What will it take?
There is the idea that if you think about (maybe write out) what your life will be like in 5 years if you do nothing and what it could be like if you face this head on.. that might bring clarity.
Either way, I know from experience, both paths are hard!
Praying that you gain the clarity you need and the strength to do what you have to do (whatever that is).
You don't know what exactly is wrong, but you don't have to know what it is to know that something is up.
So, is that really your question (is something wrong) or is it - I know something is wrong and I don't quite know what to do about it.
If it is the former, maybe ask yourself why you might be ignoring some warning signals. There are ways to verify things - I took some things I wasn't sure about to the local police to ask what they were and found out. Are you ready to face what might be happening? Do you have the support you'll need to figure things out if indeed something is up and you face it? If not, that might be a place to start (and this site is a good place for some of the support you'll need).
If it is the latter - you just don't know what to do, maybe think about the dangers. What will happen if you look at the trajectory of this situation and you do nothing. What will life be like in 3, 6 or 9 months.
Many drug addicts remain pretty functional (holding down jobs, etc.), but drug addiction reaches a crisis point at some time. Maybe in 3 months, maybe in 3 years, maybe in 30 years. And, while the decline is happening, is your life OK. What do you want your life to be like? What will it take?
There is the idea that if you think about (maybe write out) what your life will be like in 5 years if you do nothing and what it could be like if you face this head on.. that might bring clarity.
Either way, I know from experience, both paths are hard!
Praying that you gain the clarity you need and the strength to do what you have to do (whatever that is).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
trust what YOU see, not what he tells to you to see. people don't keep small wads of foil around and small pieces of folded paper, unless maybe they are practicing origami.
he has a history of using drugs. is currently on one, altho prescribed, and has a best friend that is a HEROIN dealer.
exactly what he is using is unknown. but he is using. IN the house. where the children live. if he can get to the drugs, so can they.
trust you gut.
confronting him won't get you anywhere. he'll deflect and deny and outright lie, even if caught red handed. you mention you had separated last fall..........so you know that can be done.
he has a history of using drugs. is currently on one, altho prescribed, and has a best friend that is a HEROIN dealer.
exactly what he is using is unknown. but he is using. IN the house. where the children live. if he can get to the drugs, so can they.
trust you gut.
confronting him won't get you anywhere. he'll deflect and deny and outright lie, even if caught red handed. you mention you had separated last fall..........so you know that can be done.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Pin point pupils are a dead give away for using opiates Once I learned what they looked like was easy to tell. Tiny constricted pupils even at night when they shouldn't be tiny. I never noticed them before I knew what to look for. Don't know how I initially missed them.
Everything else you mentioned yes sounds like a drug problem. His best friend heroine dealer bad news there for sure. Yes heroine can be snorted as well as Adderall.
Its possible he hid drug use from you for years. But things have gotten worse so now its harder for him to hide it.
Educate yourself so he cant BS you. I had to educate myself and what I learned was I loved an addict & my entire life was turmoil from it.
Please take good care of yourself.
Everything else you mentioned yes sounds like a drug problem. His best friend heroine dealer bad news there for sure. Yes heroine can be snorted as well as Adderall.
Its possible he hid drug use from you for years. But things have gotten worse so now its harder for him to hide it.
Educate yourself so he cant BS you. I had to educate myself and what I learned was I loved an addict & my entire life was turmoil from it.
Please take good care of yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 6
Struggling
So I feel like I’ve been doing nothing but trying to educate myself. He knows that I’m oblivious to all of this stuff so I think he’s relying on that. I’m barely sleeping because I can’t get any of this out of my mind. There really is no point to needing to know what he’s taking but I knew in my gut it was something. I have a friend who works for a company that makes drug tests and is giving me a few so the next time his pupils are pinpoint, I’m going to ask him to take it. I’m worried he’s going to flip out though and I always back down because he’s better at arguing. I just want him to get help and realize that he has a problem.....and I really really want sleep. I lay awake and think and watch him sleep, and I cry....i don’t want to do this anymore, I just want my husband to be the man I fell in love with....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i understand how a drug test might make you "feel" better - but do be cautious...they are not 100% reliable, do not catch EVERY drug known to mankind, can be altered. also you might not like your AH's reaction....and he certainly won't appreciate being threatened with a test.....so tread VERY carefully.
it sounds like his drug use isn't new......and probably over time you adjusted and it kind of became normal. now it's reached a new phase. drug addiction is progressive - it tends to snowball, building up size and power and speed the farther along it goes.
i know you want that other guy back, but the reality is you get THIS guy. the drug user and abuser. that can be difficult to accept.
it sounds like his drug use isn't new......and probably over time you adjusted and it kind of became normal. now it's reached a new phase. drug addiction is progressive - it tends to snowball, building up size and power and speed the farther along it goes.
i know you want that other guy back, but the reality is you get THIS guy. the drug user and abuser. that can be difficult to accept.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
We all here know the horror of seeing people we love slide into this kind of mess - it is truly a living nightmare.
Drug tests never worked with my addict - and it took me a long time to discover enough evidence that I couldn't ignore it any more (even though behavior and clues were all over the place). By that time my addict was deep deep deep in addiction.
We all want to give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt. I wonder if, while you are struggling with this, there is a way for you to just take care of yourself and ensure the safety of your children in order to build some strength for what may come in the future.
In the end, the addict has to want to give it up. I'm not sure what it will take for your husband. Hopefully not a tragedy.
I am so sorry you are going through this! Prayers!
Drug tests never worked with my addict - and it took me a long time to discover enough evidence that I couldn't ignore it any more (even though behavior and clues were all over the place). By that time my addict was deep deep deep in addiction.
We all want to give our loved ones the benefit of the doubt. I wonder if, while you are struggling with this, there is a way for you to just take care of yourself and ensure the safety of your children in order to build some strength for what may come in the future.
In the end, the addict has to want to give it up. I'm not sure what it will take for your husband. Hopefully not a tragedy.
I am so sorry you are going through this! Prayers!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 6
He doesn’t believe he has a problem. The only thing I have for “evidence” is the pieces of foil i found and the paper which he dismissed. And the pinpoint pupils.... that I haven’t said anything about yet... I’m trying to just concentrate on me but I’m a caretaker- it’s who I am especially when it comes to someone I love. I don’t know how to turn off the need to make him realize he is on a horrible path
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
since you don't know what he is taking, try not to look for symptoms that are not there. we have a saying here - to look at ACTIONS not listen to words. things seemed off enough for you to reach out here. trust that.
of course he's going to deny there is anything wrong, or that there is a problem. addicts will defend and protect their using. and more will be revealed.
of course he's going to deny there is anything wrong, or that there is a problem. addicts will defend and protect their using. and more will be revealed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
He has always liked to use pain killers (mostly percocet) recreationally
i hope YOU arent rationalizing this "recreational" pain killer abuse/addiction. painkillers are prescibed,"for recreational use only" at any time.
Is he just really that good of a manipulator?
only to people that allow themselves to get manipulated.
i hope YOU arent rationalizing this "recreational" pain killer abuse/addiction. painkillers are prescibed,"for recreational use only" at any time.
Is he just really that good of a manipulator?
only to people that allow themselves to get manipulated.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Queenie129 
I’m trying to just concentrate on me but I’m a caretaker- it’s who I am especially when it comes to someone I love.
do you do for others what they can do for themselves?
i was my mothers caregiver the last 13 years of her life(notice careGIVER and not careTAKER). i helped her do what she couldnt do. what she could do, i let her do. THAT is what a caregiver is.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
I feel compelled to respond to tomsteve's post...
There is a huge danger anytime any of us says "that's just the way I am". While all of us have in-born temperaments, our codependent behavior is learned as a survival mechanism earlier in life. And it stops working. So to say that you can't change being codependent is you basically sentencing yourself to being a prisoner in your own life.
We codependents have an amazing way of rationalizing enabling as somehow loving and good. Here is where we need to take a look at the results of our actions. Sometimes it helps to experiment.
Over the past 15 years I can say with confidence that every time I set a boundary, my HP stepped in and got my addict to a better place (sometimes it was treatment, sometimes it was jail) where her HP could work with her. And, every time I "enabled", she got worse and my life got worse.
The challenge is that to set a boundary requires that we allow ourselves to accept the fact that being a doormat does not make us holy or good. It makes us a doormat.
I hope this is not too harsh - I have been grateful to the many people who were harsh with me so that I could see that my persona as the "loving and kind" person I thought myself to be was really just a one-sided approach to life that missed the "being strong enough to set a boundary when needed".
I had to dig through a lot of my own history to find out where it began that I decided in order to be loved I had to put up with addicts ruining my life.
And as one person posted to me - we need to work our program with the same intensity and focus and as hard as we wish our addicts would do. For me that was a game changer.
Hoping you find your way to a happier and more free place.
Co-dependence is not who you are - it is what keeps you from being all you can be.
There is a huge danger anytime any of us says "that's just the way I am". While all of us have in-born temperaments, our codependent behavior is learned as a survival mechanism earlier in life. And it stops working. So to say that you can't change being codependent is you basically sentencing yourself to being a prisoner in your own life.
We codependents have an amazing way of rationalizing enabling as somehow loving and good. Here is where we need to take a look at the results of our actions. Sometimes it helps to experiment.
Over the past 15 years I can say with confidence that every time I set a boundary, my HP stepped in and got my addict to a better place (sometimes it was treatment, sometimes it was jail) where her HP could work with her. And, every time I "enabled", she got worse and my life got worse.
The challenge is that to set a boundary requires that we allow ourselves to accept the fact that being a doormat does not make us holy or good. It makes us a doormat.
I hope this is not too harsh - I have been grateful to the many people who were harsh with me so that I could see that my persona as the "loving and kind" person I thought myself to be was really just a one-sided approach to life that missed the "being strong enough to set a boundary when needed".
I had to dig through a lot of my own history to find out where it began that I decided in order to be loved I had to put up with addicts ruining my life.
And as one person posted to me - we need to work our program with the same intensity and focus and as hard as we wish our addicts would do. For me that was a game changer.
Hoping you find your way to a happier and more free place.
Co-dependence is not who you are - it is what keeps you from being all you can be.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
From what you have told us, I'm 100% convinced he is using, and it's opiates. Beyond any doubt. I had a friend who lost her best friend to a heroin overdose when we were in college. I remember her saying to me that if a junkie tells you the sky is blue, it's probably raining...and NEVER give them a ride anywhere, because whatever they tell you it's for, it's that they need to score.
Can't tell you what to do about it, that's up to you, but I would give up any doubt that he's using. He is.
Can't tell you what to do about it, that's up to you, but I would give up any doubt that he's using. He is.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by tomsteve
He has always liked to use pain killers (mostly percocet) recreationally
i hope YOU arent rationalizing this "recreational" pain killer abuse/addiction. painkillers AREN'T prescibed,"for recreational use only" at any time.
Is he just really that good of a manipulator?
only to people that allow themselves to get manipulated.
i hope YOU arent rationalizing this "recreational" pain killer abuse/addiction. painkillers AREN'T prescibed,"for recreational use only" at any time.
Is he just really that good of a manipulator?
only to people that allow themselves to get manipulated.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 6
I confronted him tonight. Again. Because for the third night in a row, his pupils were constricted, he was pale and flushed, and his mood was sweet and loving (which has always been a tell-tale sign he was high) and I knew. So I was sad, and he got annoyed that I was sad and asked what was wrong. So I said, "why are your eyes pinned? And please - give me a good reason where the tin foil came from?" He got even more agitated. Like escalated super quick. He flipped his **** and basically gave me no explanation for either. Told me that's "how his eyes are". I've been looking at his eyes since we were 13 years old.....I know his eyes better than my own. Not to mention I'm an EMT as well as a nursing student....I'm not dumb. But he continued to push that I was out of my mind and he couldn't handle any of my drama. I followed him upstairs to our bedroom, where he was getting his keys and coat. I begged him to stay and to talk to me, hugged him, cried, told him I loved him, stood in front of the door and begged him to stay again.....he picked me up and moved me out of his way and walked out the door. It was the low I needed. To have the man I love stand in front of me yelling at me to move out of the way while I was broken in front him pleading with him to stay. I took some time to calm down, breathe, and stop crying. I sent him a text basically telling him that I'm no longer going to try to get him to be honest or help him get help. Told him that along with that though, I was not entertaining the ******** that he just "likes to rip up tin foil"(ya that was really his excuse tonight) or that his pupils normally look like that. I also told him that while I'm not leaving our marriage at this moment in time, I cannot promise I will stay in this environment forever. I told him as much as I loved him and have turned my head for years regarding drugs, I'm done doing it and I'm done backing down. We are currently on different floors and not speaking. I am sad, and I know it's the beginning of the end of our marriage, but I can't pretend like this is in my head. I've spoken to you guys and I appreciate all of your help and advice, really you all just validated what I truly already knew in my heart, I've spoken to my doctor, two therapists, nursing friends, and 3 different people in recovery and everyone has said the same thing. I'm not crazy, and I'm not spiraling as he told me I was tonight. He is. He lashed out and said "I'm sorry your junkie cousin OD'd and died but I'm not him." I'm still struggling to deal with that loss and he threw salt in an open wound while I was already crying. I just can't pretend this isn't happening anymore and if he doesn't want to admit it or get help, I can't do anything else......I told him I loved him with my whole heart but I needed to start putting me first and learning how to love myself again. Not really sure if I did the right thing or just made things way way worse but it is what it is now...
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Painful as it was, you did the right thing. A marriage can't be built on a lie.
If he can't stop his addiction, so be it. At least you're letting him know that the dance of deception is done. Any further discussion will at least start with his addiction, not an argument about him not using.
An addict is a hollow shell of the person that they once were. You're not dealing with your husband, you're looking in the face of heroin. As long as that's the case, this marriage can never work.
It took a lot of courage to do what you just did. I know you have mixed feelings, but congratulations.
Keep us posted please.
If he can't stop his addiction, so be it. At least you're letting him know that the dance of deception is done. Any further discussion will at least start with his addiction, not an argument about him not using.
An addict is a hollow shell of the person that they once were. You're not dealing with your husband, you're looking in the face of heroin. As long as that's the case, this marriage can never work.
It took a lot of courage to do what you just did. I know you have mixed feelings, but congratulations.
Keep us posted please.
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