Which comes first - the lying or the alcoholism? When I met my husband he was sober and remained that way for a year and a half. In that time he lied to me about the ages of his kids (that was to cover up the fact that he was supposed to be paying child support for his youngest who was 14 and that he was $20,000 in arrears), having a drivers license (I found out he really didn't have one 3 years after we were married), that he had 2 DUI's years prior and still didn't have his fines paid, that there was an arrest warrant on him for nonpayment of child support and another for taking deposits on two flooring jobs and skipping town without doing the work five years before I met him. I found out about that when he was arrested for his 1st DUI while we were together. Of course, all of the things that he did wrong were caused by his disease and now that I finally knew "everything" things would be different. The stress of keeping all of this from me (because he didn't want to hurt me) was making him drink!!!!!! I wonder if liars are just liars and the drinking just gives them something else to lie about. Lying is a way of life to them. Mine used to lie about things that there was absolutely no reason to lie about. He would call a customer and say he would be an hour late on a job because he had a flat tire instead of having a dead battery. Figure that one out!!!!!!!!

You can love someone who lies and drinks just so long. For me, my feelings turned to pity. Then I felt like his mother. Finally, his behavior just sickened me. I still feel sorry for him and what he has done to himself but I no longer live with him. He lied and drank himself right out of the marriage!!!

Jo

I am the mother of an alcoholic and I can tell you that my son was throwing his bad papers in the bushes on the way home from school in 1st grade. His teacher had to write the # on the folder so I would know how many worksheets should be there. From that point on it has been a fight to stay one step ahead of his lies and manipulation. First Grade!

There was a time in high school when he was on the Football Team and he lied about being an active player. Ward was in the hospital and I left him to go to the Beav's game. When I arrived he was in street cloths on the bench because his grades were too low for him to play. HE LET ME LEAVE THE HOSPITAL...rather than tell me the truth. That one still stings today and there are more like that...

The Beav is 30 years old now and I cannot believe a word that comes out of his mouth...not one word. I can't count the years I took his side and tried to justify, in my mind, why he did it. What had I done?? What had Ward done?? It doesn't matter why. It just doesn't.

Hugs,
JT

In my case my husband lied from the day I met him because he knew deep down that I wouldn't keep seeing him, fall in love with him, or marry him had I known what was behind all the lies. I think they lie not only because that's the only way they can keep using but because of insecurity ... because addicts don't feel like anyone will love the real person inside. Which then makes you wonder if they're lying all the time... who IS the real person inside???

In my case, I think the alcoholism is what brought about the lies. I don't recall any lies before the drinking became out of control and started causing problems in our relationship.
I do recall though some warning signs (big red flags) that I ignored in attitude and whatnot from early on. The lies as far as I know seemed to come later. Then again, it's really hard to tell, isn't it?