XABF dead at 53 from liver failure
 

Got the dreaded news today. Not surprised, but still shocked and saddened. I left him 5 years ago due to his intractable alcoholism. He ended up in the care of his elderly mom, with a brief stab at recovery, and a last, fatal relapse.

I had held out hope that he would find his way back to health and happiness, though I never imagined we would be together again. Still it pains me, the fact that this talented, kind, loving soul died tormented by his addiction. And another poor mother has lost her only son.

I am grateful that I did not have to witness the tragedy first-hand. No one should have to stand helplessly by and watch someone they love die, when help is available, they just refuse to take it. Just so sad.

Thank you for being here for me. The good folks here at SR and their wise advice and counsel were instrumental in helping me step away from the slow motion train wreck, reach for the light, and get on with my life.

I wish everyone well tonight.
SQ

I'm so sorry, spiderqueen. Sending you strength tonight.

:grouphug:

Sorry for your loss ((Hugs))

There are many incomprehensible things in this life. Early death and illogical suffering, included.

I'm so sorry. May he finally find peace in the great beyond.

From a Leaning Tree card. I first found it just before our first son passed on, when he was an infant.

(((hugs)))

spiderqueen…..I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your ex.
My heart goes out to you, tonight....:candle6D:

Very sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss, spiderqueen. Wishing healing and peace for everyone.

So sorry and sending you big hug of support and love.

I too am so sorry. I now know how much it would have hurt people if I had followed the same path. I also know others my age (42) or close, give or take, who haven't made it, just in the 2.5 years I have been sober. Every life lost is tragic.

Hugs and strength to you. I am glad you have the time and distance from the active relationship but it is still understably painful.

On some level, we will always care—even after we have moved on. Thinking of you and wishing peace to your heart. XO

Thank you all
 

Thank you for your hearfelt condolences. Means so much coming from you all. ❤️

spiderqueen :hug:

I remember your story well, and I am just so sorry to hear about this loss!! Have I mentioned lately how very much I *hate* addiction!?

Your xabf and all who care for him will be in my prayers! :flow: :candle6D:

I'm sorry for your loss Spider Queen.

I am so sorry for your loss! Tragic.. and so preventable if they would just take the help that’s available! Hugs to you spiderqueen! ❤️

I am so sorry for your loss.

Its a horrible disease.

So sorry for your loss. I hate addiction.

SQ, I am sorry for your loss.

It must be a very painful experience to helplessly watch a love one die instead of being able to help themselves.

I wanted to comment on what you wrote above, from my personal experience. It's not meant to offend, but to offer another way of looking at it.

I was taught early on in AA that "alcoholism is the only disease that tells you don't have a disease."

It's a mental illness.

I don't want to speak for your ex, but for many of us, the disease lies to us and tells us we don't need help; that we can do this on our own.

Or, some of us have been fearful of getting help, because coping with alcohol is all we know. We're afraid of becoming "the hole in the donut".

Recovery is scary. Sometimes many of us are terrified of doing the required work of looking within so we can grow. The disease tells us more lies so that we avoid doing this.

I never "refused help" because I was selfish, didn't want to get better, or was stubborn. I was terrified of admitting that I had a problem, and of humbling myself to ask for or accept help. My low self worth and poor self-image kept me from doing this. I also didn't feel that I was worthy of help or of recovery.

I’m so sorry for this slow tragic outcome. Peace to you and his mom.

Thanks everyone, for your understanding and compassion. I feel like I should tell my daughters, but I’m worried it will upset them unnecessarily. (They are now young adults.) I might attend a service if there is one, so I suppose it makes sense to just inform them. I still feel some guilt over exposing them in the first place. Would love to hear your thoughts...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Maybe opening up this communication with them about alcoholism, about how you feel guilty bringing this person into their lives, could be a learning opportunity for them and open communications about alcoholism . Maybe explain that you really didn’t understand alcoholism and how you though you could help him but the more you learned about it the clearer it became that it is not possible to help an alcoholic who doesn’t want to stop drinking.