ShootingStar1 - just checking in after 6 years!
 

I had to create a new name - ShootingStar2 - since I lost my login information for ShootingStar1.

It's over 6 years since I first came here and found the awesome support and wisdom of this site - it was like an enveloping hug when I hurt the most.

I divorced my narcissistic abusive alcoholic husband, and you were here with me through every step. I couldn't have done it without SoberRecovery and an extraordinary therapist.

Now, 6 years later, I am in the most loving relationship I have ever known with a man who truly deserves the accolade "sweetheart" because he has the sweetest heart of anyone I know.

We've bought a house in the little town by the ocean where I have lived since I ran away. My fiance had two beautiful 70 lb labradoodles, and they just wouldn't fit in my in-town house with only 3' of yard, so we moved to a house with a backyard and woods. We lost them this past winter, and now have two little labradoodle puppies and my faithful dog, now almost 11 years old.

I left my former husband on July 4th 2012, snuck out of the house with my little dog and one suitcase after my credit card fraud unit called me because my then husband had charged over $1000 on my credit card for online prostitutes. I drove down that narrow windy mountain 7 mile road in a thunderstorm with lightning all around me, ironically, on Independence Day, and I never went back. My old posts are under ShootingStar1, and I had so much extraordinary counsel and support.

It took me well over 2 years to even consider dating again, and it was worth the wait. I went through such an intensive process - first doubting myself and not understanding that I had been abused and gaslighted. Then gradually taking that in, and stopping mourning for all I had lost, Stopped mourning for him and my dreams of what I wanted our marriage to be, what I thought it was. Began to let go of feeling guilty for leaving him. Then beginning to realize who he was and how badly he had treated me. Then going the hardest step of all, and owning that, despite his abuse, I was also part of the problem.

That was the turning point for me - putting him aside and looking at me - who I had been, and what I had chosen, and why. With that came a lot of pain, disbelief and anger at myself, and it was worth it. I was part of the equation of our relationship, and I needed to understand and own that in order to change and grow. And I did.

I am happier than I ever was, and my grown children are close and have welcomed my new love into our family. I still have fragile points from the PTSD, and I am not perfect at all, but I love the life that my fiance and I are building. His motto is "Go forward, and make things better" and that is, despite our occasional missteps, a wonderful way to live. We're not perfect, but we love each other deeply, and we are committed to learning and loving each other.

I wish all of you, who are in the midst of this turmoil of loving an alcoholic, the very best, and the freedom and self confidence to choose health, whatever that may be for you.

Shakespeare wrote: "True compassion is ruthless", and I believe that. I needed to commit to getting as close to bedrock honesty as I could. You can do this, too. You can survive, and what's even better, you can thrive! Believe that the future can be better than the present and the past.

Would love to hear from some of you who were around back then,

ShootingStar2

What a beautiful life you have created shooting star, so happy for you !

So love to hear how far you have come and I can relate to some of your story.

In particular "That was the turning point for me - putting him aside and looking at me - who I had been, and what I had chosen, and why".

This is key for me.

I'm right behind You!

ShootingStar2 (alias ShootingStar1)……..I was around then!....and, I remember you soo well......I have always had that I mage of you driving down that mountain road, in a storm, with one suitcase and a little dog...with lightning all around, crying and with your knees shaking from the fear.....running away from the madness...…
I can think of absolutely no better example of the fact that courage always shows up at the very moment that we need it...and, that we never know how much courage we have until courage is the only choice!


I am so happy for you....and your story is an inspiration for others....thank you for taking the time to come back and share.....

Shooting star, I wasn't here when you started, but I remember you well!!
A big smile came over my face when I saw your post. It's wonderful
to hear you are doing well and enjoying a healthy loving relationship
at last! Thanks for coming back to post and as Dandy said, you are
so inspiring.

Hi ShootingStar, I am so happy that things are going well for you now. You have always hit the point when you posted here, and you hit it again now. I don't think anyone can really recover until they look at themselves and fix themselves.

I'm just really happy for you, and happy that you are near the ocean and in the town that you love. Puppies are so cute, I also just got a puppy myself, and I moved into the house of my dreams.
Wishing you all the best, and thank you for the update. You really are a shooting star.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

Shooting Star I am so glad you found the courage to take care of yourself and take a new path. What a beautiful and inspirational story. Thanks for sharing.

Hello ShootingStar! Yes, I remember your story well and all that you went through with your ex...

I'm so happy you have posted an update! And such a great update, too!! Happy Congratulations on your new and beautiful life :)

What an inspiring comeback story, so happy for you ShootingStar2(1). I also remember your story and just thrilled that life is going well for you today.

The metal smith has returned!! What a phenomenal update. Of course, I'm not surprised... It fits perfectly with your incredible story of recovery. Thank you for taking the time to update us here.

I'm so happy for you!!

For all of you newbies who want to feel inspired today, ShootingStar's story (& her talent for storytelling) is worth digging back for:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rd-health.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-choosing.html

AMAZING!
I remember you too! What a beautiful update....sounds like you really did the hard work to be free. Blessings on your new life and relationship and all the doggos!!
Peace,
B.

ShootingStar, I remember you also, and have your story of the wild night you left saved in my SR folder. It's wonderful to hear from you again, and wonderful that your life is so rich and beautiful these days!