Did Anyone
 

revisit a relationship with their ex partners once they were sober for a long time and it work out?

Ladybird...I am going to give you a 1/2 answer...….
I have not ever revisited any relationship with a person after it was over....but, I have been friends...more like "friendly", with some exes...…
None of these were alcoholics, though....

I know what you are getting at...so, this may not be of much help to you....
But, after many years of observation...and, what I have read and heard....most relationships that did not work out the first time....don't have a high rate of success, the second time.

I suppose there must be exceptions, though. But, I speculate that BOTH parties must have made significant changes in the important areas of the original conflicts...…..

Hi Ladybird, I repeatedly revisited a relationship with an ex. To this day I don't know for sure if he is alcoholic but I suspect he is. Each attempt ended up the same. He could never give me the commitment and stability I need from a partner.

Our last "visit" as a couple was in 1999. It was short-lived and hurtful.

However, our feelings were real and we have a bond that is still alive today, but it is from a distance and it is a nice, supportive friendship. From time to time he's tried to rekindle the romance but I have zero interest and he accepts that. He's a wonderful friend but an awful partner, for me.

This is my stance on rekindling relationships and it has nothing to do with substance abuse. I have gotten back together with an ex twice in my life both were complete disasters and I was left more hurt than the first time. I learned that while it may work out for some it doesn’t for most and it’s in general a bad idea. Add addiction to that. No thanks. Protect your heart and sanity and just stay friends.

I never have, and I never would.

If someone misbehaves/hurts me enough that I want to break up with them, it's over in every way for me. I don't want to be "friends" or lovers or ever give them any more intimacy. Fool me once...

It's easier to quit something when it's taken completely off the list of options.

I am not going there lol. No way. I was asking opinions cos people think I should consider it. Thank you for your replies. It has given me ammunition if the subject is brought up again.

I did once and it turned out to be a good thing because it reinforced why I should break up with him.

Not sure why people don't get that? There are millions of great people in the world! Doesn't mean we are meant to be in a relationship with them.

There are millions of great people in the world! Doesn't mean we are meant to be in a relationship with them.

I totally agree. I am surprised people I know think my ex and I would be good together cos we never were before. He's happy doing his own thing. Am happy doing mine.

That is my way of thinking right here. Can’t undo some things

The worst relationship of my life was with a recovering alcoholic (14 years) and I would never engage with another one. He had no program but I doubt that would have made much of a difference. Even Bill Wilson was a big womanizer which is why his wife Lois started Alanon.